A Congressman Asked If Pete Hegseth Was Drunk Texting That Day, And John Ratcliffe Is MAAAAAAAD
Totally reasonable questions will not be tolerated!
Look, there is a reason we call Pete Hegseth “Secretary Shitfaced,” and why immediately after Signal-Gate broke “The Daily Show” released a set of fake Trump administration Signal texts, one of which included Hegseth saying things like “tavo bekk near me” and “raco bell can yoi walk thru driv thru.”
It is because of the rampant credible allegations that Hegseth has long been a fucking drunk, one who even reportedly would come to work drunk on weekend mornings when he worked at “Fox & Friends Weekend.”
When he was going through his confirmation process, he told Megyn Kelly that if he got this SecDef job, so help him God, he promised he wouldn’t drink one drop. You know, how people without drinking problems talk about things.
![THOSE War Plans? Pete Hegseth Didn’t Know You Meant THOSE [hic] War Plans](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!8rnj!,w_140,h_140,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbb01e885-c6e1-4841-8d3d-4e2eb2dad8a8_1068x606.png)
But CIA Director John Ratcliffe, a fucking moron, and not an actual spy, thinks it is HIGHLY OFFENSIVE! that anyone would suggest that Hegseth might have been day-drunk when he started dropping imminent battle plans all over Signal.
Today, the House Intelligence Committee is having its own version of the Worldwide Threats hearing the Senate Intelligence Committee had yesterday, and Democratic Rep. Jimmy Gomez of California asked CIA Director John Ratcliffe if maybe Hegseth might have been drunk during that Signal chat. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Ratcliffe was so mad!
He was so mad his jaw, which already looks off-center and cattywampus — like his face was made in the same fucked up jaw factory where they made Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s face — well it looked even more off-center and cattywampus than usual! Or maybe we just wanted to talk about Ratcliffe’s fucked face.
Anyway, GRRR MAD.
Gomez asked, “To your knowledge do you know whether Pete Hegseth had been drinking before he leaked classified information?” Tulsi Gabbard was like dunno. Said she didn’t know about Hegseth’s “personal habits.” Even Tulsi Gabbard was smart enough not to get near that one.
But then Ratcliffe got alllllllll pissssssssssssssssy.
“You know, no, I’m gonna answer that. I think that’s an offensive line of questioning. The answer is no, I find it interesting that …” And he just whined and babbled about how nobody wants to focus on all the good work the CIA is doing, waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Jimmy Gomez reclaimed his time and told him to eat his wad.
Sorry if history’s dumbest CIA director is offended. It’s an entirely reasonable question, and one that would be included as part of any investigation into this. Indeed, we need to know whether Pete Hegseth is keeping his Megyn Kelly Promise, or whether he sees those fancy clocks that show the time in all the cities around the world and immediately feels reassured that it’s 5:00 p.m. somewhere.
Gonna need lots more information from Secretary Shitfaced before this is all over.
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They're all pointing the finger at Hegseth, "I would refer you to the Secretary of Defense", "The Secretary of Defense made a statement", "It is the Secretary's decision".
Dude doesn't see the Greyhound coming.
This from the party that entered dick pics into the record.