773 Comments
author

Rebecca is right, I was wearing pants on the aircraft. The sacrifices one makes for air travel…

Please stow all bags and click here for info on your hed gif source: https://open.substack.com/pub/martiniambassador/p/flying-out-of-logan

Expand full comment
Mar 8·edited Mar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador

Hopefully no wheels fell off. 🤞

(Seriously, is it too much to ask the ground crew to torque the damn lug nuts?! 🤦🏻‍♂️)

Expand full comment

It'll cost you extra

Expand full comment
Mar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador

How was Cape Cod? Were you fond of the sand dunes and salt sea air? The quaint little cottages here and there? Did you like the taste of a lobster stew, served at a table with an ocean view?

Expand full comment
author

LOL!

I did buy a lobster sandwich because I hadn't had one in years. It was INSANELY expensive.

Expand full comment
Mar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador

Isn't the correct term a "lobster roll"?

Expand full comment
author

Well, the one they gave me was an open faced sandwich, not really a roll. But I suppose your terminology is the more universally accepted one.

Expand full comment
Mar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador

I never developed a taste for lobster, so I haven't ever eaten a lobster roll. I guess I haven't even seen one, but I believe that the distinguishing characteristic is that it's served on a hot dog bun or similar style of bread.

My husband, who loves lobster, has decided that it's okay that I don't eat it because it keeps the price down for people like him. And he was never the sort to dilute his lobster enjoyment with anything other than drawn butter. He likes eating it with other people because he can almost always find more meat on whatever they leave behind.

Expand full comment
author

Full disclosure, my grandfather was a lobsterman. Like your husband, I'm an expert at finding the little pieces in all the nooks.

Expand full comment
Mar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador

And insanely good too, I'll bet.

Expand full comment

How did you get a front-facing view in the airplane?

Expand full comment

Wait for the front of the plane to fall off.

Expand full comment

Must be a Boeing.

Expand full comment

Bazinga!

Expand full comment
author

It's from the onboard camera.

Expand full comment
Mar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador

I just figured you were piloting. “Does anybody here know how to fly a plane?”

Expand full comment
Mar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador

Dang. I was SO hoping to learn that you were in the cockpit with TAYLOR SWIFT ON HER PRIVATE PLANE.

Expand full comment
Mar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador

I fly in and out of Logan a half-dozen times a year. I thought those surroundings looked awful familiar!

I can hardly imagine how loud life must be in some of those houses across the way.

Expand full comment

At one point in my kid-hood my family lived less than a mile from the Des Moines airport, right on one of the flight paths. All the planes went over our house. It was loud, but you got used to it. I had fun trying to recognize all the carriers by their colors, and Saturday mornings were awesome when the National Guard jets took off. (that was cool for me as a kid, but my parents really wanted to finally just sleep in already geez)

Expand full comment

My grandparents lived in the flight path of Niagara Falls airport so the ANG planes practicing take offs and landings was a constant (which we were used to anyway because the AF would do the same thing at Wright-Patterson)

Expand full comment

It may seem weird, but I grew to like that jet sound

Expand full comment
author

Despite the noise, which I'm sure can be dreadful, I've always fancied living in East Boston, mostly because it's walking distance to an otherwise difficult-to-get-to-airport.

Expand full comment
Mar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador

WGBH Radio did a series of stories on the local park taken for airport purposes. https://www.wgbh.org/news/local/2022-12-13/how-logan-airport-almost-destroyed-east-boston-and-how-east-boston-is-still-fighting-back

Expand full comment
author

Great and tragic story, thanks!

Expand full comment
Mar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador

We are incredibly fortunate to have a relatively inexpensive, 100-per-cent reliable, conveniently scheduled bus service from our area right to South Station and Logan.

Expand full comment

We used the Logan Express in Woburn last time we went to Logan, cheap (with senior discount) ride to the airport and cheap ($11/day) parking.

Expand full comment

Public transit works pretty well to get there from East Cambridge, not that I plan to fly any time in the near future.

Expand full comment

"I fly in and out of Logan a half-dozen times a year."

I hope you at least provide a nice dinner and a flick each time.

Expand full comment

Gott have some baked beans.

Expand full comment

Have you tried Gott(tm) Brand chili prunes?

Expand full comment

I should have specified that Logan is an airport serving the Boston and New England area, and not a romantic partner.

Expand full comment

Oh. I thought he was The Wolverine.

Expand full comment

Now, now. We know that. I just could not resist the temptation to snark this morning.

Expand full comment

That's what I likes about you, Hamilton, you don't resist the temptation to snark!

Expand full comment

Simba an LF egg him on.

Expand full comment

Well, TBH, it's both a curse and a curse sometimes.

Expand full comment
Mar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador

People talk of "the miracle of flight". It is no miracle. It is a complex arrangement of skill and technology put into play by a huge variety of dedicated folks. I thank them every chance I get.

Expand full comment

Absolutely! It's a true gift, and one should always appreciate it. Being able to fly across the country and back several times over the past few years has been a godsend!

Expand full comment

Watch John Oliver's show from last Sunday. You'll never get on a plane again.

Expand full comment

Well, I worked in aerospace. Given my experience, flight is indeed a miracle. It's not a technology challenge, it's a bean-counting asshole and supper rich parasite problem.

Expand full comment

On the other hand, the more you try to understand the physics of how flight works, the less you know about it.....

Expand full comment

Yeah, just spend some time working with that Navier-Stokes stuff.

Expand full comment

Hey, I just did a CFD (computational fluid dynamics) simulation this morning using Navier-Stokes. Ties up my computer for around 1/2 hour.

Expand full comment

Come on, 9 unkowns and 4 equations, easy peasy, lemon squeexy. (I AM throwing in continuity as well). There is a great story about Einstein (the son) going into sediment dynamics and his pop wondering why he didn't do something easier.

Expand full comment

The sphincter is the strongest muscle in the body; it’s the one that keeps the plane up in the air.

Expand full comment

Seems to me it's the other way around.

Expand full comment

Putting pants on aircraft is a good idea. That would prevent more parts from falling off. I would add suspenders so that the pants don't fall off.

Expand full comment

And a belt - and Velcro - and -

Expand full comment
Mar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador

Oh no! The plane's going into the wa...oh nevermind. Phew!

Expand full comment
Mar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador

How did you get video out the front cockpit window? Are you a pilot????

Expand full comment
author

I love, love, love the access to the forward-facing cameras that some planes provide on their in-flight entertainment consoles. It almost *is* like looking out of the cockpit.

Expand full comment
Mar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador

I really do not understand people who pull down the shade as soon as they get on a plane. I mean, I always try to get a window seat and I stay glued to the window the whole flight like I did the first time I was on a plane at age 6. Like flying over Greenland, I look around and nearly all the shades are down, and I'm like the double rainbow guy: "Oh my god! GREENLAND! What the hell are you all doing?!? Are you SEEING THIS? It is fucking amazeballs! Turn off that movie about the talking dog and LOOK at this amazeballs shit down there!"

Expand full comment

I had my first commercial flight when I was fresh out of college. I asked for a window seat. Couldn't wait! The plane taxied, took off - what fun! Then it made a hard bank, I was looking down on the city - and got hit by the worst case of vertigo you could imagine. Since then, I've been a white knuckler on planes.

Expand full comment

Same, I can't actually fly anymore. Which is fine b/c I am a Poor :)

Expand full comment

The Pacific Ocean at night (overnighter to Tokyo) is so massively big. And dark.

Expand full comment

Some of the amazing things I have seen from the air: Mt. St. Helens a year after it blew up; the hydroplane races on Lake Washington; a field of wind turbines.

Expand full comment

Some of the things I've seen have been really sobering:

The truncated mountaintops of West Virginia coal country

The vastness of the oil fields in the Permian Basin of Texas

The stunningly bright natural gas flares of North Dakota.

Expand full comment

I'm 72, don't really fly all that much, but many of the most beautiful things I've ever seen were out of an airplane window.

Expand full comment
author

Window seats are my jam!

Expand full comment
Mar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador

I love watching the landings! It makes me nervous, but it's fun.

For most of the flight, it's just clouds.

Expand full comment
Mar 8·edited Mar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador

I asked an airline pilot how much they could see of the ground out of the cockpit windows. They said not much, especially for tall crew members.

I love the live map showing where the plane is.

Expand full comment
deletedMar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
Mar 8·edited Mar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador

Thanks for the Aardvark porn. I always liked those things. They look so fucking cool.

Expand full comment
deletedMar 8
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
Mar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador

Cool! I've never been on a fight with that feature. I would love it too -- it's like a roller coaster!

Expand full comment
Mar 8Liked by Martini Glambassador

Now how am I going to make a no pants allowed noncomment when you freely admit to the deed - it’s like Joe Biden admitting he’s old - just takes the sting out of it - especially when the results are great -

Expand full comment
Mar 8·edited Mar 11Liked by Rebecca Schoenkopf

While I’m not the least bit surprised that a grifter like Steve Bannon is refusing to pay his bills, I find it interesting that the party that constantly accuses democrats of wanting “free stuff,” feels entitled to free legal representation.

I hope his new lawyer realizes he’s not getting paid either.

Expand full comment

If you couldn’t tell from my comments last night, I was imagining that every sentence OHJ said was punctuated with “motherfucker!”

Expand full comment

The word for one type of liquid container took a weird detour 100 years ago. Tankies are also weird. And not the fun way

Expand full comment

"but there’s “no such thing” as a “harmless” drag show. Um?"

The poor dears. Maybe we could do a GoFuckMe for them.

Expand full comment

Re: I/G you are RIGHT and I wish more people would see that it is ALL BAD. Also people, don't diss whatever effort is being made to help. ALL GOOD! Better than nothing. You know Trump would do nothing.

Expand full comment

"...there’s “no such thing” as a “harmless” drag show..."

I feel like that college president was *this* close to an epiphany - just needs to substitute gun for drag. Sequins vs. semiautomatics.

Expand full comment

Well, I read Tiedrich's post, and I'd say there's a surprisingly LOW number of fucks for a Tiedrich post. But yeah, that was good!

Expand full comment

I was going to vote for Biden, but when he stumbled for a second during his SOTU and said we needed to "defend January 6" I realized all the tankies and the purity ponies and the MAGAs were right and switched my support to Trump and his VP, Tulsi Gabbard. Brain Rot/Fascism 2024! Woohoo!

Expand full comment
founding
Mar 8Liked by Rebecca Schoenkopf, Crip Dyke

Welp, last night was all I needed to nudge me over the final bit of sales resistance; please sign me up for a butt-load of those OHJB temporary ritual tattoos found only at WONKEETTE!

Just in time for summer and spring and the dance around the FUCKING VICTORY BONFIRES IN MID NOVEMBER which will dot the land from sea to shining sea also too very much yessiree bob!

Expand full comment
Mar 8Liked by Crip Dyke

comedian in provincetown years ago, about the drag queen who goes to a high mass, sees the bishop coming down the aisle with the thurible, leans out his pew as the bishop passes, says, 'I love the dress, but your purse is on fire!'

Expand full comment

OT: Andrew Zimmern explains why your Five Guys order is $24 [https://komonews.com/news/nation-world/andrew-zimmern-explains-why-your-five-guys-order-is-24-bizarre-foods-travel-channel-beef-prices-anti-trust-inventory-cattle-texas-fire-tomatoes-labor-rights-wages-benefits-addiction-low-costs-chicken-ukraine-russia-grain-oil-fast-food]

- fewer cattle due to drought (global warming)

- higher labor costs due to low employment

- reduced availability of immigrant labor

- higher grain prices due to war in Ukraine

Fox Spews rebuttal: BIDEN-FLATION!!!11!!!

Expand full comment

WAGE INFLATION! EVERYONE IS NOW MAKING TOO MUCH MONEY TO BE ABLE TO AFFORD ANYTHING! ZOMG! Oh, sorry, I thought this was an Arby's. Now I want a burger.

Expand full comment

That Orban article is terrifying and not surprising.

I was thinking the other day about books someone unfamiliar with current American politics might read, and one that popped into my head was by a Hungarian from (then Hungarian) Transylvania: Miklos Banffy's "The Transylvanian Trilogy," written in the 1930's. I don't think it mentions the U.S. a single time, but it's largely about a country - Hungary at the end of the Austro-Hungarian empire - frittering away its political capital and life in endless legislative roadblocks and frivolous pursuits with no eye for the future. The second volume contains the best depiction of a dysfunctional legislature I've read anywhere. Except for the frequent references to duels, I was almost sure I was reading about the U.S. Congress.

The work is also known as "The Writing on the Wall" trilogy, as the titles of its three volumes come from the Biblical story of Belshazzar's feast, at which mysterious writing appeared on a wall as a dire warning.

Banffy would have been horrified to see Hungary today. He lived to see it overrun by the Nazis and then was himself driven out by the Communists, with his novels deliberately kept out of print for nearly half a century. The trilogy is now recognized as a masterpiece on the scale of Tolstoy's "War and Peace."

They are not the kind of books that the Victor Orbans and Donald Trumps of the world would read, or even notice.

Expand full comment
founding

Underreported hilarious moment from last night

https://x.com/imbillray/status/1765947878583705933?s=46&t=QTHD9GMfDGpAyfUoOmtJMw

He treated her like a toddler trying to flex their muscles on him. She even broke a bit.

Expand full comment

Is there sound with that?

Expand full comment

"Joe is building an actual port to get food into Gaza.". No, it will be a "temporary pier" from which some food will be dumped on shore, with no plan to distribute it.

Expand full comment