A Tale Of Two GOP Senators On The Sunday Shows
We watch so you never have to.
Dearest Wonkette readers,
We write from our deployment on this “war of insecure repression.” While deployed to the Sunday fronts, we noted some activities that were discouraging and idiotic. We fear that choosing to make our stupidest citizen our leader will not bring us victory on the war front.
Please save these notes until we can be reunited once more after “Operation Epic Fail’ is over.
With love, Your humble Puerto Rican correspondent.
GOP Senator Thom Tillis
We officially begin with the “good news” (if there is such a thing nowadays) with an appearance from North Carolina Republican Senator Thom Tillis on CNN’s State Of The Union.
Fresh from helping to send the Trump Cabinet careers of Kristi Noem and Corey Lewandowski to a nice farm upstate with plenty of room to run with Cricket, Tillis praised his Senate colleague Markwayne Mullin’s nomination for DHS secretary:
TILLIS: I hope Markwayne Mullin gets in there. He's a friend of mine. I have had a great relationship with him in the Senate. He's got to fix what's broken there and build on what's right.
Host Jake Tapper mentioned that there is still a fundamental issue with DHS, no matter who is in charge. This is when Tillis mentioned he had his sights set on a bigger monster still working at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
TAPPER: We should note, of course, President Trump's top adviser, Stephen Miller, about whom you have been very critical, Miller is still calling the shots for the administration's aggressive immigration crackdown. […] How much can anything actually change as long as Miller is in that position of authority?
TILLIS: […] Mullin, I know in the Senate, who's one of the most independent people I have had the privilege of working with in the Senate, goes over to Homeland Security, then he's going to tell Stephen Miller to stay in his lane and let him lead the agency. […] I think Stephen Miller's demonstrated he too is out of his depth. And I think Markwayne will learn from that.
TAPPER: Do you think Stephen Miller should go?
TILLIS: Oh, of course I do. I think Stephen Miller is one of the — one of the — not only does Stephen really want to just paint a picture. He's not worried about substance. He's more worried about form. But I also think that he has an outsized influence over the operations of the Cabinet. And I believe we have got qualified Cabinet members there that sometimes are doing less than what they want to because of his direction and his outsized influence.
Now, while it is nice to hear a Republican say these things and finally focus on the Nosferatu behind the cruelest domestic policies of Trump’s second term, we must note that Tillis is retiring, and his newfound backbone only grew after he announced it. Tillis, earlier in this interview, criticized Kristi Noem’s public statements regarding the murders of Alex Preti and Renee Good while ignoring that Markwayne Mullin made similar statements at that time. We should temper our tendency to “welcome to the resistance” members of the courage-of-convenience club.
(Side note: We don’t think Markwayne Mullin will succeed in securing the border when he’s yet to secure the one between his two last first names.)
GOP Senator Lindsey Graham
Then there was Lindsey Graham on Fox News’s Sunday Morning Futures with Maria Bartiromo.
Bartiromo, in a rare moment of journalism, asked the South Carolina Republican about the cost of this war on all of us, and Graham’s euphoric horniness for war once again revealed conservatives’ “fiscal responsibility” thing for bullshit.
BARTIROMO: A billion dollars a day. Oil prices up 27 percent in a week. The president wants a $1.5T defense budget. The Pentagon wants $50B for these strikes. How are you gonna answer?
GRAHAM: Best money ever spent. What's it worth to America to take down a religious Nazi regime […]?
So he’s admitting that we do have the money for a universal basic income, single-payer healthcare, and to abolish things like hunger and homelessness, but we choose not to?
Graham, of course, didn’t let that thought hang in the air too long before showing he’s a religious zealot himself, turned on by eradicating others.
GRAHAM: Israel and the United States — you just wait to see what comes the next two weeks.
BARTIROMO: The next two weeks, meaning what?
GRAHAM: We're going to blow the hell out of these people. […] It is gonna be on its knees. It’s going to fall, and when it falls we’re gonna have peace like no other time.
Yeah, just like Afghanistan and Iraq in 2003 or Libya in 2011, amirite? Those were such great “successes” Graham also cheered for.
Graham made it clear that his regime-change kink isn’t just limited to the Middle East.
GRAHAM: If we get in a fight, I want to win it quick. I'm in Miami. You see this hat? “Free Cuba.” Stay tuned. The liberation of Cuba is upon us. We're marching through the world. We're clearing out the bad guys. Cuba is next.
It’s pretty rich of Graham to call any other country a “religious Nazi regime” while we have a Secretary of War Defense with white nationalist Crusades tattoos all over his body, and Graham is on the Sunday shows talking about “marching through the world” like he’s performing “Springtime For Hitler” from The Producers.
What we never expected was that the next iteration of fascism would be so tacky and yet exude even bigger loser energy than the previous one.
Have a week.
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"Mullin, I know in the Senate, who's one of the most independent people I have had the privilege of working with in the Senate"
Hey look! Tillis still full of shit.
Markwayne Mullin is an incompetent degenerate, and cannot fix anything.