Alina Habba Faking Being Pretty, Smart, And US Attorney For NJ
Guess she's out of a job now, bye!
Slow, sad wet fart noise for Alina Habba! President Donald John Trump’s personal lawyer who shepherded him through a lawsuit from a sexually harassed waitress at his Bedminster burnt-hamberder restaurant, protected him from harassment-accuser Summer Zervos, and tried (and failed) to save him from millions in damages from E. Jean Carroll is now officially out of a job. Again.
You’ll recall a hot minute after Trump was elected, he tried to stick any of his personal attorneys who did not get disbarred after his first term into whatever jobs he could. Sometimes multiple jobs! And for her loyalty, Trump gifted Habba the position of (acting) US Attorney for the state of New Jersey, even though she has never prosecuted a case in her life.
PREVIOUSLY!
Once in, she immediately disbanded their Civil Rights Division, and tried to lock up Newark Mayor Ras Baraka and Rep. LaMonica McIver as they tried to conduct their constitutionally required oversight of a New Jersey ICE prison, which was indeed so crumbly that four detainees later escaped by going right through a wall. (Baraka is now suing Habba for malicious prosecution, and McIver was indicted and has a court date in November.)
And Habba also hung up a bunch of pictures of herself all over the department’s walls, because fascists and narcissists love looking at pictures of themselves! But then Habba’s 120 days as (acting) US Attorney came to a close, and the Senate had still not confirmed her. So as the law says they can do, a panel of New Jersey judges appointed her successor, one Desiree L. Grace, the then-first assistant US Attorney. Grace is a registered Republican who was appointed by George Dubya Bush, but Pam Bondi fired Grace (by X post, of course) for being “political,” and tried to re-hire Habba. And then, like George Costanza, Habba just kept on showing up to work.
Which created a big fucking problem! The whole federal judiciary system ground to a halt, and trials were adjourned so as not to risk cases getting thrown out because the plaintiff was an imposter. And then finally last Thursday, a judge ruled that Habba was not the real US Attorney/Queen of New Jersey, and ordered her to return her tiara and BumpIt and GTFO. And also that ALL the actions that she took after July 1 were void, and that any cases she was involved with after that are subject to do-overs. Wrote the judge, Matthew W. Brann of the Middle District of Pennsylvania:
“Faced with the question of whether Ms. Habba is lawfully performing the functions and duties of the office of the United States attorney for the District of New Jersey, I conclude that she is not.
“Because she is not currently qualified to exercise the functions and duties of the office in an acting capacity, she must be disqualified from participating in any ongoing cases.”
Why didn’t the Senate just confirm her? Here comes the finger-pointing! Habba and Trump are blaming insurrectionist / fossil / Judiciary Committee Chairman Chuck Grassley for not letting her nomination come to a vote.
And Trump’s going to SUE!
But Chuck Grassley says that Habba did not fill out her paperwork, OOPS! And also, by the way, she didn’t have the votes to get out of Committee. (Er, which is it?)
Burn! Especially given the pageant lineup of under-qualified dogs’ behinds that the Senate has approved, while passing her over. And she’s SO MAD. Not for herself, of course, but for The People.
Mean old Chuck Grassley is doing a conspiracy against Trump’s agenda!
Or, maybe he’s doing her a favor. There’s sure to be plenty of nasty stuff that could come out in Habba’s hearing. Like the way she interfered and misrepresented herself in that Bedminster sexual harassment case; she was lucky to not get her law license suspended over that shit. There’s the lawsuit against her where office workers said she made racist remarks, called New York state Attorney General Letitia James a “Black bitch,” and liked to fling around the N-word with the hard “r.”
And if it matters any more, there’s her embarrassingly thin resume: Before Trump she’d only been a lead attorney in three cases, and worked for her husband’s parking garage company. And the times she’s been fined for being a shit lawyer!
But she yells Trump’s praise like she’s got a sausage as big as a gorilla’s pishadeel, so don’t worry, Trump will no doubt find some other made-up position for her soon. She could work on the Weaponization Working Group with Ed Martin, going on quests like filming themselves peeping in Leticia James’s windows. Look at me acting like freaky pervert! TISH JAMES, YA OWNED! And there’s always the podcast route, like accused teenybopperfucker Matt Gaetz took. Or you could see her slinging grifty hard-on supplements made out of old Chinese newspapers for sure!
So don’t worry, that filler-filled face won’t be going anywhere.
But congratulations anyway for now, New Jersey! AYYY!
[Politico]
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If you ever struggle with imposter syndrome, just look at every single member of this administration.
From the top photo you can see that Trump was looking at her chest just before he fell asleep.