Democratic Texas state Rep. Nicole Collier wins hero of the week, since she is being literally held hostage in Texas, for more than 24 hours now, refusing to sign an unlawful order agreeing to be trailed by a guard to keep her from leaving the state. And then on Wednesday the Republicans will vote to take five Democrats’ US House seats away. Then it’s all bets off for redistricting.
But this is going to be a nice time, so here’s the next she-ro! Her name is Camille Zapata! She’s California Governor Newsom’s social media director, age 29, with a nose ring and a degree from UC Santa Cruz in Anthropology, and the brilliant mind who’s brought us all delicious Trump mockery from the GovPressOffice X account. (There’s a BlueSky mirror account if you do not want to give Elon Musk’s hellsite any clicks.)
PREVIOUSLY!
Her hits just keeps on a-coming, and Fox News and X trolls keep on a-falling for it.
Honoree next, Maryland’s hunky governor, decorated former Army Captain Westley Watende Omari Moore, who has been taking to the TV shows to talk about how disrespectful it is to deploy National Guard troops in DC, not just to the residents, but to the Joes who get pulled away from their lives to go get sandwiches thrown at them. Moore got his start in politics as a White House fellow working under Condoleezza Rice, by the way (there’s somebody who, however imperfect, never rolled out a red carpet for Putin, spoke fluent Russian, and earned his actual respect).
He’s such a drink of water.
And finally a hero of the Karen kind, Karen-ing for good! An unidentified New York lady who saw something, and she said something. What she saw was two men, one a tall, gangly jughead with a flattop, the other short and disheveled in a trenchcoat like Inspector Gadget, though the temperature was in the upper 80s. And they were trying to peep into the windows of her neighbor Leticia James’s house, like the burglars in Home Alone!
And though she may or may not have known it at the time, the short one was Ed Martin, Trump’s self-proclaimed Weaponization Czar of naming and shaming Trump’s enemies. You know, the traitor who made more than 100 paid appearances on Russian television parroting Putin lines, defender and befriender of January 6 rioters, that guy. Apparently his main task at the moment is trying to bust Leticia James on some bogus mortgage-fraud something, as payback for prosecuting Trump for all those various actual frauds he did.
PREVIOUSLY!
And now the Ed-vestigating has come down to him trying to peep through her blinds like some kind of pervert to get a lead. Or he’s stalking her and standing around just to be intimidating. Who the fuck knows with these antisocial weirdos. All our hero saw was two suspicious creeps, and she confronted them about what they were doing, like a good neighbor would. Or maybe she should have just called the cops. Anyway, watch!
“Is there like, a back, alley, a back building …” asks buzzcut and glasses.
Do they want directions? “No, no, just asking.”
“We’re interested in the houses,” pipes up Martin.
“You’re not interested in the houses. You know who lives here.” Cut the shit. New Yorkers, they’re the best!
“Is this, like, Second Empire?” Doofus doofuses, doofily.
“It’s a tract house.”
“When was it built, do you think?”
“They’re built before 1899. Why are you being so disingenuous about what you’re here for? You’re not here about the houses, you’re here about who lives here. This is my neighborhood, this is my block, I have a right to know what … you guys look like you’re in official capacity.”
“We’re just happy to be on a block, looking at a house,” smirks the asshole.
“That’s not true.”
“No, he is happy.” The jughead in a buzzcut thinks he is being hilarious. But Martin knows their time is running out, and Karen’s fixing to call 911 if they don’t quit lurking.
“I … I ... interesting houses. Important houses. So, thank you, have a good day.”
“It’s not. It’s like every other house on the block that was built by [unintelligible. Elvis? We are not experts on Second Empire.]”
Then Buzzcut covers for Martin while he scurries away like a roach. “Nice neighborhood. Do you call this a stoop?”
“What do you think?”
“You know, is this a stoop? We didn’t have stoops where I was growing up. So is this a stoop?”
She will not fall for his Second-Empire stoop distraction.
“I want to know what you’re doing here.”
“Just checkin’ it out.”
“You’re not.”
“Very good,” he says, toasting her with his coffee cup and retreating to catch up with Martin.
What were Martin and Loser doing there? Trying to get some kind of viral James O'Keeffe moment? Somebody just happened to be filming, and the clip just happened to immediately make it on to Alex Jones’s feed and across the right-wing-o-verse. Oh, he was being Columbo, and trying to make a reference to a show that ended more than 50 years ago, to make a social media viral moment for the youths with him creeping around like a freak. You’ve been pwned... Leticia James?
Christ, these wack-ass idiots.
But here’s to the heroes who stand up to them, calling out their crap, defending their neighbors and standing on business with lots of rizz, as the kids say.
Cheers! And OPEN THREAD!
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As promised, new 𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑯𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝑴𝒆𝒕 𝑴𝒔. 𝑪𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒐.
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Rainy reflections from the balcony.
https://substack.com/@ziggywiggy/note/c-147160912?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=2knfuc