America's Next Top Mike Pence Contest Continues!

It's your Sunday show rundown!

During the infamous Kat Williams interview on Shannon Sharpe’s “Club Shay Shay,” Williams brought up an old conspiracy about Hollywood “humiliation rituals.” While that conspiracy hinges on some homophobic undertones, we believe there is a real one: the 2024 Republican Veepstakes!

How else do you explain all these ‘grown-up’ men cosplaying as Donald Trump?

So, let’s see how two of the pathetic toadies possible candidates fared this weekend in their continuing quest to be the next Mike Pence.

Tim Scott

The current South Carolina Senator and possible future Mr. Smithers to Donald Trump’s Mr. Burns began his CNN “State Of The Union” interview pulling off a riff on a classic “Boourns” bit from “The Simpsons.”

DANA BASH: Donald Trump […] — faced a mix of cheers and boos at the Libertarian National Convention. [Wonkette link of course!] What did you make of that response?

SCOTT: Well, I saw a wave of red hats at the Libertarian Convention. Donald Trump's popularity continues to increase, but then he's not just going to the Libertarian Convention. He's also doing rallies in Bronx. […] Dana, we are seeing the poll numbers moving in his direction. It's pretty exciting to see the kind of response he's getting across the country.

While Scott is hoping he can gaslight his intended Trump audience, the video shows it got under Trump’s thin skin.

“Keep getting your three percent every four years,” Trump disdainfully told the Libertarian audience he earlier asked to support him. Libertarians haven’t shied away from continuing to tell Trump to fuck off.

After spending the rest of the interview providing cover for a racist like Donald Trump and attacking current Vice President Kamala Harris for his pleasure, Scott was asked the easiest political question … and one he keeps dodging even now.

BASH: Before I let you go, I have to ask. A lot of Republicans have been refusing to commit to accepting the election results in 2024. You haven't done so yet. So let me ask you it this way. You will be a sitting United States senator in January of 2025. Will you vote to certify the election no matter who wins?

SCOTT: Well, certainly, we expect a fair and honest election. And as a result of that expectation, we will certify the election and certify President Donald Trump as our 47th president.

That’s still not an answer, Tim Scott. Saying you’ll vote to certify the election only if Trump wins is the entire constitutional crisis we almost went through on January 6, 2021.

Byron Donalds

Florida Rep. Byron Donalds has had a bad week. After wasting precious time being 1/4th of a Trump ass kissing band at his Manhattan trial, Donalds then appeared on a CNN interview with Abby Phillip and she proceeded to call him out many times for his lies.

After looking like a fool on CNN, Donalds retreated to his Sunday show safe space: “Fox News Sunday.”

Donalds, much like Sen. Marco Rubio last week, decided to carve out a lane from which to try to persuade Trump to pick him, and that lane is xenophobic isolationism. After being asked about a hypothetical of GOP regaining full electoral power, Donalds decided to double down on cruelty.

DONALDS: We are going to have to deport millions of people who should not be here […]

But even Donalds, despite saying Trump was impeccable and President Joe Biden has caused every issue, doesn’t want to remind voters of Trump’s full presidency.

DONALDS: Myself, like so many Americans, have seen Donald Trump be president. And now they’ve seen the country without Donald Trump as president. And they wanna go back to the years of 2017, 2018, 2019. Our country was significantly better on every metric.

Kinda left out a crucial year there, Byron Donalds.

Donalds, we assume expecting that people like us would point out the obvious omission of Trump’s final year, tried to minimize it and then gaslight everyone about it.

DONALDS: Joe Biden and the “crazy Left” will bring up Covid-19 but, listen, Covid would have been terrible for any president to get through. And Donald Trump still did a great job getting us through Covid.

Trump did such a “great” job that he lost to man who is at once a Machiavellian villain and a dithering old fool, depending on the needs of rightwing narratives, in the 2020 presidential election. But the problem for the Republican Party is that with corporations admitting to price gouging while blaming inflation during record jobs and a fifty-year-low in unemployment, it’s gonna be hard to claim we are in worse times than Trump years before or during Covid.

That and the whole “drink bleach.”

Have a week.

Follow Michael Mora on Bluesky and Threads. (If you are still on Twitter, I’m also HERE.)