Annoying Florida Woman Preaches On Airliners, Gets Kicked Off, Seeks Martyrdom Or TV Gig
You can smell the grift all the way down in baggage claim.
Fundagelical god-botherers who shout about Jesus in public have always fascinated and grossed us out, going back to when we were an editorial-we-using undergrad at Northern Arizona University and Brother Jed Smock would swing by to castigate “forrrrnicators and harrrrlots” on nice spring days. He too had been a hippie and fornicator himself, but met a street preacher at “Burger King, where I met the KING of Kings!” We see he met his eternal reward in 2022, so we’re sure that Jed, Jesus, and Jack Chick are having a fine time up in heaven right now.
But there are always heathens who need to be told at high decibel levels that Jesus loves them, a thing they have never heard before, so with the rise of social media there’s a whole new crop of selfie-recording evangelists seeking to yell about Jesus at everyone who’ll listen. That includes those who don’t want to listen, like people trapped inside an airliner waiting to take off. It’s enough of a trend that the Washington Post recently profiled some of these spiritual warriors (guest link) who can’t resist sharing the Good News to captive audiences.
Here’s “Evangelist Whitney Lynn Inc” of Orlando, Florida — that’s her TikTok username, so be sure to use it in full — annoying her fellow passengers before they could deplane in San Diego in early July, for their own good. She captioned the clip with “I just love a captive audience!” She knows there’s not much anyone can do except escort her off the plane, which is better because then she can get sympathy and outrage from other likeminded Jesus People, even if they aren’t literally her fellow travelers.
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Ms. Lynn Inc. told WaPo travel reporter Hannah Sampson this is the best thing ever, because “They have no choice but to hear the truth. […] When I have a gift and I have a life raft, if you’re drowning, I want to give you that life raft so you can be saved.”
In the unlikely event of a water landing, please do not preach so long that you are unable to blow into the manual tube to inflate your life vest, and do not inflate your life vest inside the aircraft because it will impede your exit.
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Ms. Evangelist Inc is also plagued with the insufferable fake cheerfulness of many street preachers — at least the ones who don’t go on forever about the eternal lake of fire awaiting all of us if we don’t repent — as she explained in the caption of a follow-up video to that first one. After inconveniencing and annoying the 200-some people on the plane, she says, the cops showed up, but she WON because God didn’t want her to be arrested!!!
They thought they got me by calling the cops after I preached a few times at the San Diego airport. But God had other plans—I ended up sharing the Gospel with the officers and praying over them. It was such a beautiful, divine encounter. I love how God always turns what the enemy means for evil into something good.
In the video, the cops, Crom bless them, just wanted to get out of there without having to do all the paperwork an arrest would entail. They did try patiently to explain that the First Amendment doesn’t necessarily protect “creating a disturbance,” but Inc the Evangelist appeared not to catch the subtle hint that she might not want to cross that line.
In one of her more recent videos, EvWhitLynInc documented her recent preflight removal from a United Airlines flight, where she harangued a flight attendant who informed her that the pilots didn’t feel safe with her on the flight. It’s peak Annoying Christian, really, complete with her pretended shock and sense of persecution: “I didn’t know the message of Jesus Christ was unsafe. Wow! … So Freedom Of Speech is ‘unsafe’?”
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“I’ll tell you what this is,” she announces. “It’s called spiritual warfare, you know why? Yeah, ‘cause demons don’t like the name of Jesus!” She shouted to everyone on the plane that her being removed proves “We’re in the Last Days! We’re being persecuted! Persecuted to be a Christian! It’s comin’! We’re gonna go to jail!”
In subsequent videos — we think she posted at least eight about the cruelties inflicted upon her — EvieWhitieLynnieIncie complained that a flight attendant had “pushed” her bag and lied about it, as Satan’s minions will, and speculated in a caption that “I truly believe there were demonic influences at work, and you can see it in the way people were acting and in their faces. Then they all stood at the doorway of the plane like I was some criminal.”
Oh yes, and just for good measure, she demanded to know if the gate agent escorting her down the jetway was some kind of foreign devil.
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“I can't really understand what you’re saying. […] Where are you from? ‘Cause I can’t really understand you. I can’t really understand you. Are you from Puerto Rico? You speak Spanish? Is that your main language?”
As he tried to get away from her by retreating into the jetway and closing the door, she reminded him, “God have mercy on your soul, ‘cause Hell is real, my friend.”
In another video, while telling bicycle police about her ordeal, she explained that when you talk about Jesus, “the demons just go crazy,” and concluded that the gate agent was upset “because he’s a homosexual, that’s why. You know, he knows he’s in sin and he knows he’s wrong, so the demons started.” At that, one of the bike cops explained that you can be kicked off a plane for arguing with a flight attendant, too.
Nice lady. Judging by the Praise Jebus! replies to the videos, we can only assume that the next step will be a wingnut boycott of American Airlines, followed by Sean Duffy and Donald Trump implementing a policy to protect Christians from being persecuted by gay homosexual gate agents.
[WaPo (gift link) / Friendly Atheist]
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If anyone does this near me on a flight, I'm singing "Afternoon Delight" until they shut up.
Religious zealots on a plane have never caused any harm to anyone, especially not in the USA.