ARE YOU OK, MICHIGAN GOP? DO YOU NEED A POLICEMAN OR A GROWNUP?

No really, OW MY BALLS.

The Republican Party of Michigan is, one might say, in a bit of disarray following last fall's midterms, in which voters not only reelected Democratic Gov. Gretchen Whitmer but also, thanks to finally un-gerrymandered electoral maps, handed the majority in both houses of the state Legislature to Democrats, flipping them both blue for the first time 40 years. (While they were at it, voters also passed a state constitutional amendment protecting abortion rights, too.)

State Goopers reacted sanely enough, by carefully assessing what went wrong and then choosing a crazy QAnon advocate as state party chair, which led to a schism over 2020 election denial and culture war issues, which led to, among other things, drunken fisticuffs (slapticuffs?) in April, and a continuing failure to reconcile the Michigan GOP's ultraconservative authoritarian Trumpist wing and the full-on batshit fascist Trumpist wing, so very sad.

Previously: Michigan Republican Party Now Dumpster Fire Wrapped In Drunken Bar Slap Fight 

Those Deep Tensions erupted into an alleged assault Saturday night, at a gathering of the state GOP committee at the Doherty Hotel in Clare, Michigan — the very same venue for that April slapfight, as it happens. The meeting was only for members of the state committee, but angry members of the Batshit Faction (or at least the More Batshit Faction) showed up to protest outside the meeting to recite the Pledge of Allegiance and probably gird their loins in the Full Armor of the Lord. Among them was one James Chapman, who told the Detroit News (subscriber-only link) that he had jiggled the door of the meeting room a bit to see if he and his friends could get in.

The door was then opened by Clare County GOP chair Mark DeYoung, who said he heard the doorknob-jiggling and saw someone in the hall flipping the bird at him. And then the nut-smacking began. 

DeYoung told the Detroit News — in a phone call from the ER, no less — "He kicked me in my balls as soon as I opened the door." He also said Chapman rushed at him and kerthumped him right into a chair, and that the impact broke a rib. He told the paper he planned to press charges.

To get the full Rashomon on Michigan 115 picture, the paper also asked Chapman for his version of the fracas; he acknowledged that he'd grabbed DeYoung's legs and tackled him, but insisted that DeYoung had it coming because he'd supposedly threatened Chapman, saying "I'll kick your ass" and taking a swing at him. DeYoung denied that claim.

And in one of the more epic details of the dunce-up, Chapman said that he had taken off his glasses as part of a male aggression threat display, explaining, "When you see me taking my glasses off, I’m ready to rock." It is unclear whether De Young responded by arching his back to make himself seem larger, or whether either party flung feces at the other.

 Michigan Bridge brings additional details to the narrative. DeYoung said he, too, took his glasses off,

noting he has boxed “in the ring” before so put his hands up near his head as a protective gesture in case Chapman took a swing.

"He charges me like a football player — to tackle me — and pushes me all the way down the hallway into the furniture, and my back lands on the arm of a solid wooden chair," DeYoung recounted.

"By the time I landed on that, guys were on top of him trying to pull him off and they all landed on top of me too. I got pulled into the Riptide out of nowhere. Just like that: ‘boom.’"

Chapman continued to maintain that DeYoung was the real aggressor, saying that DeYoung had in fact come out of the meeting room door with "his dukes up," but declining to offer more details, telling Michigan Bridge that his attorney had given him a "gag order," which is not so much a legal order as an attorney trying to keep a client from making things worse for himself. Chapman also "claimed witnesses could validate his account but refused to name any, citing a potential trial."

Also, the commenters all agree with him in direct messages but were reluctant to say it on the main page because the moderators hate him and are out to get him.

Bridge Michigan adds that Chapman — a failed candidate for state Senate, why not? — has something of a history, noting that he

was involved in a brief altercation in 2020 when he brought a Barbie doll hanging by a noose to a Capitol protest against Democratic Gov. Gretchen Whitmer's COVID-19 restrictions.

According to MLive, Chapman has a criminal history , including a prison sentence for assault with intent to do great physical harm in 1990, and jail time for resisting a police officer after attempting to stab an acquaintance in 2018.

He seems nice.

Chapman also seemed to think that making national news was pretty neat, mentioning the brief Rolling Stone piece summarizing the Detroit News story —

"Well, I finally made the cover of ‘The Rolling Stone,’" he said, before beginning to sing his version of a 1972 song by rock band Dr. Hook. "Going to see my picture on the cover. Gonna buy five copies for my mother."

Chapman did not, in fact, make the cover, unless he is secretly the Puerto Rican hip hop star Bad Bunny, which would really be news. Nor did he reference the Elton John song that more accurately fit his actions.

But he did get suspended from the Wayne County Sixth District Republican Committee. Not expelled, huh?

Mr. DeYoung denied that there are in fact any Deep Rifts in the Michigan GOP, explaining that ball-kicking and assault "aren't Republican values" — except maybe on January 6, 2021, we suppose, and all the other exceptions too — and suggesting that Chapman must be mentally ill. DeYoung also didn't like that news reports had, in his opinion, portrayed Chapman as "some kind of innocent motherfricker" who was simply amped up by the state GOP's rifts, whatever depth they may have:

"We're not really fighting that much in the Republican Party," DeYoung said. "But there are some people that are crazy, and they get emotionally wrapped up in there, and they don't want to talk."

We would tell you more about the anger and tensions in the Michigan Republican Party, but suddenly we are run over by a huge 4X4 pickup truck flying oversized "Trump 2024" and "Don't Tread on Me" flags.

[ Rolling Stone / Michigan Bridge ]

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