BRAZIL, YOU DID IT! Tabs, Monday, Oct. 26, 2026

OMFG.

Oct 26, 2026

NOTA BENE: Remember the contest, the one with prizes for if Wonkette gets enough new paid subscribers? That’s right, the membership drive! Well, we are 39 away from our first benchmark — AKA more than halfway there! — so we just need the rest of the ones of ya what’s been waiting for this exact moment to do the thing to Do The Thing! Then we can move to the next benchmark!

For your convenience, here is the Do The Thing box, for Doing The Thing:

OK, more tabs!

BRAZIL, YOU GODDAMN DID IT! After a day full of fuckery and what looked like some last-minute attempts at fascist election interference, it didn’t matter, Brazilian President Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva was re-elected in the presidential runoff election, and it wasn’t even close. After all the money MAGA fascists and Donald Trump’s far-right oligarchs spent, after all that good old-fashioned election interference American fascists have been doing in Latin American countries forfucking ever, it didn’t matter.

Lula wins Superior Electoral Court (TSE) has called this race · Over 50% needed to win 99% reporting Lula 51,79% PT · Incumbent 64.255.891 votes Flávio Bolsonaro 48,21% PL 59.825.984 votes Null (Invalid) - 4.153.791 votes

Guess it wasn’t the greatest election strategy for Bolsonaro to be a fascist who was totally open about how he was teaming up with far-right oligarchs and MAGA fascists to destroy Brazil, what with a runoff election coming up. Also might not have been cool with Brazilian voters how he kept calling Lula “nine fingers,” considering how Lula lost his finger when he was 17 actually working, as opposed to Little Lord Fauntleroy Flavio Bolsonaro, who’s never worked a day in his life. Here’s how that went down at the debate:

Then there was the funny thing where Bolsonaro was like “oh hey isn’t it bad how all the PEOPLE IN PRISON want to vote for Lula?” and Lula was like “dude, I want all the prisoners to vote for me, even your dad.” This clip’s in Portuguese, there are English overdubbed versions out there, but we think you can catch the exchange from body language alone.

So there you go. Brazil!

Interesting thing about Brazilian politics: in Brazil, voting is compulsory between ages 18 and 70. But once you’re 16 you have the option of voting. So whatever happened here, it just might have been the kids these days and the olds these days.

And then … SERBIA! Aleksandar Vučić, the Putin puppet who’s been president forever, got his ousted also yesterday, by the Student List, a student-led movement that has really gotten its legs protesting all this fucking corruption, which seems to be a global theme. This is also fucking huge. Hit the second link for an explanation of what the Student List really is. [Guardian / Demócrata]

Lots of really huge elections coming up worldwide, in case you haven’t heard. There’s Israel, then US America, then New Zealand, then Spain. Also Bulgaria and probably some other stuff we haven’t even heard about. Really big stuff that’s going to have quite a say in what the world looks and feels like for the next few years. The trifecta of (earlier this year) Hungry, then Brazil and Serbia last night? That’s some momentum, and oh boy what a bad day the Nazis are probably having!

Speaking of and back to your regularly scheduled domestic tabs:

Donald Trump is a white supremacist shitfuck who doesn’t understand why the US can’t get white immigrants from Scandinavia. Spoiler: Because nobody from those countries wants to visit the US, much less live here. Largely because of Donald Trump and the rest of the Republican Party! Anyway, click the link for more white supremacist shitfuck racism from Donald Trump. [JoeMyGod]

MAGA loser racists are extremadamente BIG MAD because Zohran Mamdani made a video telling immigrants what their rights are when dealing with ICE, and he did it in the secret language of Spanish. [Latin Times]

Here’s the video, if you think it’s hot when Zohran Mamdani speaks Spanish or something.

The Federalist has the REAL news, it is that the DSA is going to incite all the violence before the elections, to TRICK Donald Trump into being a fascist! Got it? To TRICK him! [The Federalist]

Oh boy, Jared Kushner and his lawyers are mad about that Vanity Fair story. Which one? Oh, you know the one. [The Hill]

Former AND CURRENT Pentagon officials are reportedly super excited to get DMs from the new Democratic Congress asking them to spill all the beans on what an embarrassing loser fuckup Pete Hegseth is. And he’s first on the impeachment list [Telegraph]

Marco Rubio Tells Latin American Country To Just Trust The CIA. That’s the headline here.

It is bad that the Republicans’ gay conservative quisling weirdo GOTV guy was letting out-of-state people vote in Pennsylvania using his address? And is literally every accusation a confession with these people? [Bulwark]

Did Melania broker a ceasefire in a Ukrainian town? No the pope did and she stole credit. Have you stolen the credit for any of the pope’s ceasefires lately? If not, is it because you have a soul in your body? [New York Times / Daily Beast]

Has anybody ever done the bird at you during a city council meeting (you are the mayor) and you lunged at them and had to be physically restrained and yelled “I’M FUCKING GETTING YOU”? Never? Well then you might not be a Republican man who never learned to control his emotions.