Brian Kilmeade Terrified A Bong Full Of Pots Is Going To Win The US Open
This is always happening.
One of the courts at the US Open in New York smells like pot. It’s a thing many people have noticed.
It’s not the first time Court 17 has smelled like pot. Apparently it smells like this every year. Nobody really thinks it’s coming from the locker rooms or the stands or any tennis players secretly snorting reefer ganja devil herbs. They think it’s wafting from the park next door, Flushing Meadows Corona Park in Queens. Court 17 is apparently way far from the other courts, almost all the way to that park.
One player who spoke up about it, Maria Sakkari, told reporters, “Sometimes you smell food, sometimes you smell cigarettes, sometimes you smell weed. I mean, it’s something we cannot control, because we’re in an open space. There’s a park behind. People can do whatever they want.” Another player, Alexander Zverev, says it “smells like Snoop Dogg’s living room.” Others interviewed don’t seem to notice it. (Probably potheads.)
So it’s a thing. But people are taking it in stride. Most of the quotes in normal news articles about it, from players and officials and fans, are like “Pot? Can’t live with it, can’t live without it!” or “Reefer? But I just met her!” (None of the quotes say that.)
Know who’s freaking out? Who is ALWAYS totally freaking out whenever marijuana is brought up? That’s right, Fox News. It has to be. Its audience is conservative white 88-year-olds who have fallen and they can’t get up because their grandchildren are too busy doing a pot to come help them, and also because they don’t like being around their Trump-supporting racist grandparents, so fuck them.
Here is Brian Kilmeade, back safely from not sounding like an idiot for one (1) second during his interview with Vivek Ramaswamy, blubbering in fear that the US Open titles will be decided by a large bong.
Fox News idiot Sandra Smith was panicking that “we can’t have drugs away from these top athletes and let ‘em perform!” Thus beganneth Brian’s meltdown:
BRIAN: It’s unbelievable and it’s gonna get worse, because as maneuvers now, especially by this president and Chuck Schumer to legalize it for the entire country. And by the way, they stopped planes from going over the US Open under David Dinkins’ administration. They should be able to stop this from happening.
But it just goes to show you, this is what we experience, Sandra, walking to work every day! […] But the players are complaining, because it’s not so much it’s annoying. Cigarette smoke is annoying. But this actually affects your mind!
Do you want to, in the biggest tournament in your life, in matches that matter, that could outline your future, do you want to have somebody else’s decision to smoke pot affect that?
Hate ruining star tennis players’ careers by smoking a joint at the park next door. They’re going to be reminded of it, too, every time they walk by a homeless professional tennis champion.
“Your honor, I was going to win the tennis tournament, but then I forgot I was playing tennis because I was tripping on airborne pots,” said all the tennis players. “Now I’m addicted to airborne heroins, also from the park next door.”
BRIAN: Welcome to New York. We thought hecklers were the biggest obstacle, now it’s people with BONGS.
Love to put my whole bong in my pocket and take it to the US Open.
Fox News people are so good at druggie talking.
Remember the time a Fox News “expert” spoke of letting people “lay in the street having just shot up with marijuana”?
Remember this one?
In summary and in conclusion, here is the world-famous clip of Steve Doocy asking an entire decade ago, “What’s to keep somebody from getting all potted up on weed and getting behind the wheel? Nothin’!”
And then they drove onto the tennis court at the US Open and that was the end of Novak Djokovic.
OPEN THREAD.
[vid via Justin Baragona]
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