Chris Christie Lays Into Trump Like The Guy Gave Him COVID Or Something

This post contains zero Christie fat jokes.

Former New Jersey Governor and noted bridge saboteur Chris Christie is running for president. He won't win or probably even dramatically improve upon his dismal 2016 showing, but Christie could be the hero we need right now. And by "hero," I mean, the slightly less repulsive gangster in a movie who takes down far more dangerous gangsters.

When he declared his candidacy, Christie said, "I’m running for President of the United States because the truth still matters. We need leaders that are willing to stand up and tell it like it is. That’s what this campaign is about. I’m the only candidate who can take on Donald Trump and tell the truth. Every other Republican thinks they can tiptoe around him. I don’t tiptoe. Get me on the stage and get your popcorn ready."

It's revealing that out of the gazillion Republicanswasting their time and ours with presidential campaigns, Christie is so far the only one who's made the "unconventional" move of directly attacking the frontrunner !

 Christie whaled on Donald Trump Tuesday before a crowd at the New Hampshire Institute of Politics. 

““Beware of the leader in this country, who you have handed leadership to, who has never made a mistake, who has never done anything wrong, who — when something goes wrong — it's always someone else's fault, and who has never lost,” Chris Christie says as he announces his run.”

— Kaitlan Collins (@Kaitlan Collins) 1686092420 

"Beware of the leader in this country, who you have handed leadership to, who has never made a mistake, who has never done anything wrong, who when something goes wrong it’s always someone else’s fault. And who has never lost," he said. "Beware – because that leader will not only not serve you, they will not be able to find anyone that will serve them. And a lonely, self-consumed, self-serving, mirror-hog is not a leader."

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 LOL! Nikki Haley, Chris Christie Think They Could Beat The MAGA Loons In A GOP Primary 

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Christie gets that you can't hope to win this Republican primary without actively disqualifying the previous nominee and former president, even if that alienates his cultist followers. Christie shamefully endorsed Trump in 2016 and tried to help him win re-election in 2020, for which Trump rewarded him with an almost lethal case of COVID-19. Christie calls out his primary rivals who are too cowardly to even speak Trump's name.

“A lonely, self-consumed, self-serving, mirror hog is not a leader,” Christie told his New Hampshire audience. “So now we have pretenders all around us, who want to tell you ‘pick me, because I’m kind of like what you picked before, but not quite as crazy, but I don’t want to say his name.’ Because for these other pretenders, he is — for those of you who read the Harry Potter books — like Voldemort. He is he who shall not be named.”

“Well let me be clear, in case I have not been already," he continued. "The person I am talking about, who is obsessed with the mirror, who never admits a mistake, who never admits a fault, and who always finds someone else and something else to blame for whatever goes wrong but finds every reason to take credit for anything that goes right, is Donald Trump.”

The mad MAGA king isn't used to direct confrontation, and you can tell he's rattled. He responded Tuesday with a doctored clip of Christie in New Hampshire holding a plate of food while in front of a buffet table. (Wonkette used to be in the Chris Christie fat joke business. Wonkette stopped being a piece of shit.) Such pettiness obviously just backs up Christie's point that Trump is emotionally damaged and wholly unfit to lead.

Christie also came out swinging against his arch-enemies Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump. Haley infamously described Kushner as a "hidden genius" (yeah, real hidden) "that no one understands," but Christie understands him quite well. 

“Chris Christie on Trump: "The grift from his family is breathtaking. It's breathtaking. Jared Kushner & Ivanka Kushner walk out of White House and months later get $2 billion from the Saudis? $2 billion from Saudis. Do you think it was because he's some kind of investing genius?"”

— Howard Mortman (@Howard Mortman) 1686135552 

"The grift from his family is breathtaking. It's breathtaking," he said. "Jared Kushner and Ivanka Kushner walk out of White House and months later get $2 billion from the Saudis? $2 billion from Saudis. Do you think it was because he's some kind of investing genius? Or do you think it's because he was sitting next to the president of the United States for four years doing favors for the Saudis?"

Yeah, it was probably the last one. 

Christie also made it clear that Trump would surrender Ukraine to Vladimir Putin, like the cowardly traitor he is:

"Let me tell you how [Trump] would [end the war in 24 hours]: He'd give Ukraine to Russia ... He'd call Zelenskyy and say, 'Hey, guess what? Time to raise the Russian flag up on the pole. We're out of here."

Christie didn't say "woke" or "DEI" or "CRT" or any other overly academic, but still racist buzz words. He beat up on Trump rather than trans kids. This doesn't make him a hero or even a good guy (he's still a Republican), but he's at least not afraid to call out Trump by name.

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