Cocktober Comes Earlier Every Year. Tabs, Fri., July 31, 2026

Morning news roundup and things to read!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Three days starting with a Nice Time! Now those are some poll numbers how you say in the shitter. (The New Republic)

Hooo, at link is a GREAT picture of (pic isn’t there any longer, but he was SO GRR MAD IN IT) Todd Blanche, whose attorney general nomination Trump is considering pulling because even the Republicans (or at least the ones Trump threw into the cornfield) won’t vote for the guy who promised the J6ers one BILLION dollars. (New York Times)

Rockin’ roadkill with RFK Jr. (Some fucking cooking show page ugh gross)

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Trump’s trying to grift up your science. I mean, he already broke it, but he’s trying to do that special thing he does. (Lisa Needham at Public Notice)

Fifteen years for Colin Gray, the dad who was told by local cops “hey looks like y’all got a buddin’ school shooter here,” paraphrase, so he went and bought him an AR-15. What the fuck is wrong with all y’all, no paraphrase. (ABC News)

Mandela Barnes has dropped out of the Wisconsin gov race, and if this story is correct, it seems he was … single and slutty? Is that really all? No milkshake duck, just bein’ young and hot and a lieutenant governor and chicks accepted to bone him? Damn. Anyway, Francesca Hong seems cool. (NOTUS)

And St. Paul MN Mayor Kaohly Her, it sounds like your sense of humor is super terrible, like eh uh whut? And I say that as somebody who dated one subordinate and then married a second one, all of this sounds worse as you read on, what you doing man. (MPR)

V. Marx Demon Hunter still hunting demons and running for Colorado gov! (9 News)

My goodness, that’s a big tax cut for Montana corporations and millionaires while everybody else’s property taxes went up 40 percent, yowch! (Monica Tranel)

G. Elliott Morris talks to Wisconsin Democratic Party chair Ben Wikler — who most Democrats are probably regretting about now they didn’t vote in to chair the DNC BUT ALSO I’m not mad at the current DNC chair Ken Martin for doing a Fifty State Strat either — about how to unfuck democracy should we get the (very shortlived) chance to in 2028. It’s a podcast, but you can click ‘transcript’ up top. (Morris)

Gosh I hope Republicans’ really disgusting gerrymandering and Supreme Court Voting Rights Act-killing don’t backfire on them with Southern voters of the less-Pantone Color of the Year persuasion. (The Guardian)

All of Europe to boycott FIFA World Cup for real if they sell a big fat stake to Jared Kushner’s vulture fund brother. Is this why FIFA’s been up Trump’s ass? All for a little bit of money? Well I just don’t understand it. (ESPN)

Where is the country of Africa and can Marco Rubio’s State Department get it 100 percent wrong? Bless the rains. (The Guardian)

What are y’all watching with ZiggyWiggy for Wonkette Movie Night this Saturday night at 9 p.m. Eastern? Dark Passage, available for free with ads on Tubi and Plex; $3.99 in the usual places. Free on OKRU. So hop to!

WONKMEETS AHOY. CLEVELAND (Sat., Aug. 8, 1-3 p.m., at Boss Dog Brewing Company, 2179 Lee Rd, Cleveland Heights, OH 44118), PITTSBURGH (Sun., Aug. 9, 2-5 p.m., location still TBD), SAN FRANCISCO IN HONOR OF FUKUI (Fri., Aug. 21, Hyatt Regency SF [Embarcadero]), WINDSOR, MASS (camp near but not at Paul and Holly’s, Labor Day weekend)! Atlanta has been postponed. TIME TO PARTY!

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