Colorado GOP Rep. Doug Lamborn Quitting Congress To Spend More Time Hunting Big Bird
Another entry in our House Republicans GTFOH! series
Republican House Rep. Doug Lamborn is retiring from Congress this year, and his potential replacement in Colorado’s Fifth District is as terrible as you might expect. Dave Williams, chair of the Colorado GOP, announced his candidacy Monday for Lamborn’s seat.
Williams, a former state representative, was one of three Republicans who challenged Lamborn from his right during the 2022 primary. Lamborn beat Williams by 14 percentage points in a race that turned particularly vicious. Williams even filed a criminal complaint against Lamborn alleging that attack ads Lamborn had run against him contained false statements. That might seem like standard operating procedure for Republican campaign ads, but apparently Colorado law prohibits the dissemination of false information intended to influence an election. I guess Fox News doesn’t air in the state.
Prior to the June 2022 primary, Lamborn released ads claiming that Donald Trump had “fired” Williams from his Colorado campaign and that Williams had diverted money from law enforcement (and probably puppy orphans) to organizations that provide abortion access and defund the police. (Not sure how the last two are connected unless the police’s entire doughnut budget is instead spent on abortions.)
District Attorney Mike Allen declined to press charges, saying, “The statements at the heart of your allegations, while distasteful to you, would likely be classified as protected speech and that alone would prove fatal to any prosecution effort.” Guess Fox News is safe in Colorado.
Williams did respond in kind with an ad claiming that Lamborn was the one funding abortions and forcing soldiers to undergo “CRT training and LGBTQ indoctrination.”
The 2022 primary campaign apparently traumatized Williams enough he’s wasted no time defending himself from any baseless smears that he’s not a total far-right crackpot. He released an email declaring:
“I’m 100 percent pro-life, 100 percent pro-Second Amendment and have never voted for a tax or spending increase. I know that corrupt establishment politicians in both parties are to blame for the mess our country is in. Authentic Christian leadership means serving others above self and not letting failed, say-anything politicians in Washington DC get away with taking citizens for a ride.”
And he goes on:
“As our state party bylaws allow, I will remain as chairman through the course of the primary election where we will continue our work of rebuilding party infrastructure, preparing for caucus and assemblies, continuing our important lawsuit battles to keep President Trump on the ballot and overturn the open primary, and exposing out-of-touch Democrats for being radical and corrupt. The party and its leaders will ensure fairness and transparency while avoiding any conflicts of interest as more competitors enter the CD5 race.”
State party bylaws might permit the Republican chair to simultaneously run in a primary against other Republicans, but that still seems sketchy. Williams even tweeted his announcement video from the official Colorado GOP social media account.
Lamborn served nine terms in the House and apparently ranks helping keep Space Command headquarters in Colorado Springs as one of his proudest achievements. Last year, President Joe Biden overruled Trump’s decision to move the headquarters to Alabama, where no one from outer space would visit for their own safety.
“That’s the kind of thing that I feel like I’ve accomplished and can check off the list. And there’s other things that I’ve accomplished.” He’s probably too modest to boast, but one of his other “accomplishments” includes his repeated efforts to end federal funding for PBS. Ernest Luning at Colorado Politics framed this as his “grudge match with Big Bird.”
“For his own good, it’s time to push Big Bird out of the nest so he can fly on his own,” Lamborn said at one point, when his funding cuts were advancing in the House, rephrasing it slightly a year later as the funding battle again took center stage: “It's time for Big Bird to earn his wings and learn to fly on his own.”
Look, I know Big Bird isn’t real, but even if we accept Lamborn’s metaphor, Big Bird is actually written to represent a six-year-old child. Anyway, the federal government funds just 15 percent of PBS’s budget, which comes out to about $1.40 per taxpayer. Everyone has their windmills, I guess, but this one was especially pathetic.
Incumbent Republicans are currently fleeing the MAGA mad House in droves, and Lamborn’s unexpected retirement means that all three seats Republicans hold in Colorado will be open (Rep. Lauren Boebert ran scared from her current district and is now running in one she assumes is more tolerant of classless idiots).
“I think it's now time to move on,” Lamborn said, “let someone else have the opportunity.”
At least he can content himself with the knowledge that whoever receives that opportunity will most likely suck. Colorado’s Fifth District is one of the most conservative in the state. Democrats should still give it their all, though. It’s gonna be that kind of election season.
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“For his own good, it’s time to push Big Bird out of the nest so he can fly on his own,” Lamborn said
First, not all birds fly, Congressman.
Second, I imagine Big Bird would respond with "Mr. Lameborn, would you like to hear a song about sharing and cooperation?"
Brought to you by the letters "F" and "U".
Yeah, it's Big Bird who is causing our deficits, not massive over spending on the military.