Confederate Nana Marsha Blackburn Plays With Her Food, Racistly
And this is why we don't take Confederate Nana to restaurants.
Have a gander at this new Marsha Blackburn for Tennessee Governor ad and tell us if you would have given her permission to do this, were you her husband and/or pastor. (It is unfair to assume Blackburn chose this herself, as conservative white women in the fascist Christian system she is fighting for really aren’t supposed to be wilding out like this without written permission.)
A few notes/questions, aside from “wow, that’s racist”:
How many times did she run her lines? Because her delivery is extremely awkward and stilted and mush-mouthed and “Fiddlesticks, Mamaw left her teeth in the ladies’ room at the wine bar in Franklin again.”
To be clear, the entire commercial looks and sounds like Marsha filmed this after a long afternoon at that wine bar, which we are somehow sure exists.
How many goddamned fortune cookies did Blackburn take?
How many goddamned fortune cookies did she proceed to play with and smush in her granny claws?
As a home ec major from the Mississippi State University class of 1973, Marsha Blackburn should know that none of this is how we eat fortune cookies.
Did she even go to cotillion? And if so, can they see her now, with crumbs in her hair like she spends her days at saloons?
You are really supposed to only have one fortune cookie, maybe two if you get a garbage one on the first try like “Put on a red dress and go dancing!” That is not a fortune, and the user is entitled to one (1) more try. Not 46 more tries while she furiously, ravenously searches for a fortune that says “CHINA COMMUNISS PARTY SUX.”
Did Marsha clean up after her own nasty ass, or did she leave the employees at the Chinese restaurant she invaded to do that?
Speaking of, were they amused by this display from Confederate Nana?
Is this even the first time she’s done this?
For God’s sake, look at this:
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In the commercial, Marsha’s narrator says that as governor, she will “hunt down every communist,” which is slightly unhinged. But again, with that home ec major, we do not know what in her background (besides mouth-frothing, ignorant redneck racism) makes her think she’s got the skillset to do whatever she imagines it takes to “hunt communists” as the governor of Tennessee. Also not sure what she thinks going after China will do to rescue Tennessee from its status as a backwoods pigfuck state with nothing going for it besides the musical contributions of liberals in Nashville and Memphis whose political voices fascists like Blackburn are always trying to smack down.
Haha just kidding, she’s one of them backwoods racist pigfucks, pandering to her fellow backwoods racist pigfucks. Backwoods racist pigfucking is all any of them understand. That’s why she’s going after China.
Also, does she know (of course she doesn’t, she’s an absolute moron) that fortune cookies, if they actually come from anywhere in Asia — they’re kind of thoroughly American these days — come from Japan, or as Donald Trump calls it, the Islamic Republic of Japan? Indeed, there is lots of Japanese shit in that video, including the soy sauce.
But again, she’s a dumb racist pig, from a long line of dumb racist pigs. The last thing on her mind is trying to see through her overly hairsprayed Southern lady Designing Women meets walk-of-shame bangs to try to tell Asian people apart.
The gong at the end of the commercial is a nice racist touch.
In case you missed it, here is a fun video from last week where a reporter asked Marsha why, considering how she is running for governor, she won’t hold town halls or actually talk to voters in any meaningful way. Confederate Nana was NOT pleased. And then the elevator she had been waiting for, which she had just entered, started betraying her, hilariously.
And here’s another fun video that just dropped of Marsha completely unable to offer an opinion or string together words on whether she agrees with the University of Tennessee Knoxville’s recent $1.9 million settlement with former professor Tamar Shirinian, who the school fired last year during the MAGA pitchfork parade against anybody who expressed anything but mourning and regret over the untimely passing of Ch*rl*e K*rk, whose memory blesses no one and whose name shall be forgotten, PBUH, in hell.
Good thoughts ‘n’ thinkin’, Marsha!
But again, to be fair, Marsha’s husband and/or pastor weren’t there, so she might not know what she thinks on those subjects yet.
She knows what she thinks about fortune cookies, though, which is SMASHY SMASHY PLAY WITH FOOD RUIN ENTIRE BOWL OF FORTUNE COOKIES. Also racism.
This a serious woman who would like to be the governor of a state.
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I was so hoping Marsha Blackburn and Virginia Foxx would open a bed and breakfast somewhere. Perhaps in the Everglades.