Dear Leader Has A Valentine For Putin, Surprise, It Is Ukraine!
He just needs to figure out how to wrap it.
Donald Trump has new ideas for making peace in Ukraine and stopping the war that Vladimir Putin started for made-up reasons, oh boy! He offered to have the US defend Ukraine if Ukraine will just do me a favor though and kick up a bribe of half of its minerals. Kind of like if you called the fire department and they said they’d put out the fire in exchange for being able to take your air conditioners.
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy said fuck no to that ridiculous, insulting idea. Even if Ukraine was interested in giving up its national sovereignty to become some kind of mineral colony, would you even trust Pete Hegseth to defend your attic from squirrels? The guy who just said, “We must start by recognizing that returning to Ukraine's pre-2014 borders is an unrealistic objective”?
Then on Sunday Trump came up with another plan: he will sell Europe US-made weapons for Ukraine, you’re welcome! Of course, on his way out the door, Joe Biden announced a final $500 million in Ukraine aid. But after that’s gone, there is currently no plan.
Trump and Putin decided they will meet Tuesday to have “peace talks” about Ukraine in Saudi Arabia, but without Zelenskyy there, or any representatives from Europe. Though li’l Marco Rubio is tagging along! Nobody from the US has officially talked to Putin for the past three years, because he’s an international lawbreaker whose word is worthless. But now all the sudden his feelings are the most important thing in the world.
And they didn’t even tell Zelenskyy the talks were happening. So whatever the fuck they decide between themselves, Zelenskyy is not going to accept, because duh. It all sounds less like a “peace effort” and more like a couple of hound dogs fighting over a turkey leg.
Trump won’t even say if he considers Ukraine an equal member in the peace process, his response to that question was “UMMMM. It’s an interesting question. I think they have to make peace. Their people are being killed, and I think they have to make peace. I said that was not a good war to go into.” As if Ukraine chose to be invaded because it wore a short skirt to the club.
Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov: “I don't know what they would do at the negotiating table... if they are going to sit at the negotiating table with the aim of continuing war, then why invite them there?” Yes, Sergei, they’re just loving the war that Putin started all by himself two years, 11 months, three weeks and two days ago. All the babies bombed at hospitals, they want some more of those, so they begged Russia to invade them. Makes perfect sense.
Yep, here we are, the US siding with Russia over Europe or Ukraine, and even hanging out without them. As if the US’s new disdain for Europe wasn’t made clear enough at that Munich Security conference last week, in which JD Vance made stunningly dumb remarks about Europe doing cancel culture and a shitty joke about Greta Thunberg that went over like a bratwurst fart.
Now European leaders have EMERGENCY called their own “what the hell do we do now?” security meeting, and are considering selling frozen Russian assets to fund defending Ukraine, and British Prime Minister Keir Starmer has offered to send troops as a postwar peacekeeping force. (Trump, on the other hand, has disbanded Task Force KleptoCapture that’s been seizing Russian assets.)
If Putin gets what he wants in Ukraine (which is all of Ukraine), of course he won’t stop there. Ukraine is the cork in the bottle keeping him from spilling out all over Europe, and everybody knows it. Even Trump knows it, he just doesn’t give a shit about Ukraine, or Europe. But he sure does love Vlad’s strong, manly arms, and when Vlad tells him what a handsome boy he has grown up to be.
Hey, the Ukrainian short film “Rock, Paper, Scissors” won a British Academy Film Award. It is rough, and you can watch it here.
Whatever Trump, Putin and li’l Marco decide among themselves in Saudi Arabia, the Ukrainians are not giving up, and Europe has learned a thing or two about appeasing dictators with expansionist plans. But enjoy your kaffeeklatsch, losers.
[AP / New Yorker archive link]
Biden got called genocide Joe for what is happening in Gaza.
Trump not only wants Bibi to destroy Gaza but he want Putin to destroy Ukraine too.
And yet Trump suffers no political blowback for either.
Where are the Ukraine protestors? Where are the Gaza protestors? Why does our country no longer care what happens to either of these people?
They won’t get rid of Roe. You’re overreacting.
They can’t do Project 2025. We have laws. You’re overreacting.
Stop calling them fascists. You’re overreacting.
Stop saying it’s a constitutional crisis. You’re overreacting.
Funny how the only thing the media told us we SHOULD be overreacting about is Joe Biden’s age.