Putin Dead At 72 From All The Orgasms Trump And Pete Hegseth Gave Him Yesterday
RIP Putin!
Donald Trump talked to one of his bosses on the landline telephone yesterday. Afterward, he giddily ran to Truth Social to tell his followers what that really hot boy from Russia had just told him:
“I just had a lengthy and highly productive phone call with President Vladimir Putin of Russia. We discussed Ukraine, the Middle East, Energy, Artificial Intelligence, the power of the Dollar, and various other subjects. We both reflected on the Great History of our Nations, and the fact that we fought so successfully together in World War II, remembering, that Russia lost tens of millions of people, and we, likewise, lost so many! We each talked about the strengths of our respective Nations, and the great benefit that we will someday have in working together. But first, as we both agreed, we want to stop the millions of deaths taking place in the War with Russia/Ukraine.”
Putin certainly definitely truly madly deeply wants the killing to stop, in the genocidal war he started by himself for made-up history reasons that only exist inside his sick loser brain. It is all he thinks about.
“President Putin even used my very strong Campaign motto of, ‘COMMON SENSE.’”
That was not Trump’s campaign motto. Can the White House doctor please check Trump’s brain skull for fluid buildup? He’s forgotten his very strong campaign motto.
“We both believe very strongly in it. We agreed to work together, very closely, including visiting each other’s Nations.”
Who wants to bet Trump gives him a state dinner and all these MAGA Republican Nazi traitor whores in Congress show up with bells on?
“We have also agreed to have our respective teams start negotiations immediately, and we will begin by calling President Zelenskyy, of Ukraine, to inform him of the conversation, something which I will be doing right now. I have asked Secretary of State Marco Rubio, Director of the CIA John Ratcliffe, National Security Advisor Michael Waltz, and Ambassador and Special Envoy Steve Witkoff, to lead the negotiations which, I feel strongly, will be successful. Millions of people have died in a War that would not have happened if I were President, but it did happen, so it must end. No more lives should be lost! I want to thank President Putin for his time and effort with respect to this call, and for the release, yesterday, of Marc Fogel, a wonderful man that I personally greeted last night at the White House. I believe this effort will lead to a successful conclusion, hopefully soon!”
And thus Trump’s self-established goalposts of ending the Ukraine war on day one keep getting moved back, and back, and back, and back …
So that happened. Trump’s big plan for ending the Ukraine war, which he never would say out loud but was obvious to anyone who has ever paid attention, is to give Putin everything he wants and to fuck Ukraine over. Trump updated today to say he’s spoken to Zelenskyy, so we can assume that’s what’s being communicated.
Trump was asked yesterday in the White House if he believes Ukraine is an “equal member of this peace process.” He responded, “Ummm … it’s an interesting question. I think they have to make peace. That was not a good war to go into.”
They didn’t go into the war, you filthy traitor. They were invaded by the guy who’s got your dick so hard right now.
Also confirming Trump’s plan — to give everything to Putin while panting and wagging his tail showing Putin his furry stinky dog belly — was the Pentagon’s own Secretary Shitfaced, who confirmed in a meeting with US allies at NATO HQ in Brussels that that’s his big plan for Ukraine too.
“Chasing this illusionary goal will only prolong the war and cause more suffering,” Hegseth said. Any durable peace deal, he added, must come with “robust security guarantees,” international oversight of the boundary between Russian and Ukrainian forces, and no NATO membership for Ukraine — which would require other countries to defend Ukrainian territory in any future conflict.
“To be clear,” Hegseth said, “as part of any security guarantee, there will not be U.S. troops deployed to Ukraine.”
You know what Daddy Putin just loves? When Pete Hegseth puts the goalposts down Putin’s pants like that and just jiggles them around.
In other words, the entirely unqualified secretary of Defense, who’s so far out of his league here it’d be like seeing Riley Gaines walking around the athletes’ village at the Olympics, is saying the starting point for negotiations is to bat our eyes at Putin and ask him which slices of Ukraine he’d like to keep, and also forbid Ukraine — a sovereign nation — from ever joining NATO. Wouldn’t want to think Putin crossed the border and raped and murdered all those Ukrainian babies and got nothing for it!
Of course, nothing about this is surprising, as Hegseth has shared his uninformed meathead braindead dipshit opinions about Ukraine before, even before Donald Trump saw him on TV and said hey there’s a guy with white supremacist Christian extremist tattoos I’d like to pluck off the “Fox & Friends” weekend couch and into my dreams.
Hegseth referred to this war months ago on an extremist podcast as Putin’s “give me my shit back” war, and recited Putin’s alternate made-up history of Russia and Ukraine just the way Russia likes it. Wonder who put those ideas into his head and which Russian intelligence service they work for? We are just asking! We can’t imagine this human beer bong table having any opinions on the subject otherwise.
Europe was clearly disappointed but not surprised by the comments from Secretary Not-As-Think-As-You-Drunk-I-Am, and by Trump’s calls with Putin and Zelenskyy.
A consortium of nations released this statement yesterday:
The text there:
We are ready to enhance our support for Ukraine. We commit to its independence, sovereignty and territorial integrity in the face of Russia's war of aggression.
We share the goal to keep supporting Ukraine until a just, comprehensive and lasting peace is reached. A peace that guarantees the interest of Ukraine and our own.
We are looking forward to discussing the way ahead together with our American allies. Our shared objectives should be to put Ukraine in a position of strength. Ukraine and Europe must be part of any negotiations. Ukraine should be provided with strong security guarantees. A just and lasting peace in Ukraine is a necessary condition for a strong transatlantic security.
We recall that the security of the European continent is our common responsibility. We are therefore working together to strengthen our collective defense capabilities.
In other words, Europe is coming together to harden its defenses of Ukraine in the face of a new double threat to its safety, from the rogue regimes of Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump.
We are the enemies of decency and goodness. We are the bad guys.
Speaking Of The Bad Guys!
The Senate confirmed Tulsi Gabbard as director of national intelligence yesterday. Hooray for “Russia’s girlfriend” who’s never met a dictator she didn’t want to stay up late and eat bon bons with!
Was Hillary Clinton entirely correct about Gabbard way back when, when she said Russia has had its eye on Gabbard, that Russian media has been gushing about her, that it’s been “grooming” her? Or is the woman whose peace plan for Ukraine and Russia for everybody to just “embrace the spirit of aloha” simply a tiny bit of a fucking moron who is also entirely out of her league here, who just blabs out Russian propaganda because she doesn’t know any better and can’t tell good information from bad?
Does it matter now whether she’s Russia’s Useful Idiot or just a ginormous idiot who happens to be very useful to Russia?
Yay for the new director of national (LOL) intelligence!
The vote in the Senate was 52 to 46. Susan Collins as per usual got over her concerns and voted for Russia’s girlfriend. Lisa Murkowski, we guess, was like fuck it, nothing matters anymore, so she voted yes. The only Republican “no” vote was yet again from Mitch McConnell, who has chosen now to finally start doing a few official things to oppose the monster he helped create. We have to start calling him Mr. Pink Pussy Hat, bein’ all #RESIST-Y like that!
So that’s what happened yesterday to and for Vladimir Putin, one of Donald Trump’s two bosses.
We’d say giving all this to Putin put the United States in grave danger from a national security perspective, on top of what it does to Ukraine, except for how Putin is dead now, because Donald Trump and Pete Hegseth and Republican senators all took turns orgasming him to death yesterday, RIP Vladimir!
Was it as good for you as it was for these turncoats and traitors?
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I’m so thrilled to be an expat in Europe on the edge of WW3, and being on the side of the fucking bad guys. I suppose at least France won’t be throwing my ass in a concentration camp, because they are not 1940’s asshole Americans.
Don't get our hopes up with headlines like that.