DEAR MELANIA: ROSES ARE RIGGED, VIOLETS ARE STOLLEN, GIVE ME 47 DOLLARS, WITCH HUNT!
He has a way with the ladies.
[Confidential to the nice teacher — with lovely penmanship! — who wrote in with a check: Yes, “stollen” is because of the stupid illiterate moron former president, not because we do not know how to spell. We love you!]
Oh ho ho, you guys, we bet Donald Trump and his wife Melania, who talks to him, are going to have romantic sexual congress tonight! With each other.
JoeMyGod provides the transcript of the missive Trump sent to supporters today, and by supporters we mean Melania.
“Dear Melania, I LOVE YOU! Even after every single INDICTMENT, ARREST, and WITCH HUNT, you never left my side. You’ve always supported me through everything. I wouldn’t be the man I am today without your guidance, kindness, and warmth. You will always mean the world to me, Melania! From your husband with love, Donald J. Trump. Please leave some kind words for the First Lady this Valentine’s Day! SEND YOUR LOVE. May God bless you, Donald J. Trump. 45th President of the United States.”
Questions:
Has she really never left his side? Because we feel like we’ve seen this one woman at his side a whole bunch, and from a certain angle we guess she might could be Melania’s stunt double, but she is Not Melania. Is this one of those technicality things where she can’t leave his side if she’s never been at his side in the first place?
Ohhhh is this another one of Trump’s dementia moments? You know how that time he was sitting for a deposition regarding the woman he raped, and he was like I DON’T KNOW THAT WOMAN, and then the lawyer showed him a picture of the woman he raped and he was like YES THAT IS MY WIFE MARLA and oh fiddlesticks it was not his wife Marla? Is he totally confused at this point about which one is Melania?
Is he hoping that wherever Melania is, somebody physically near her is on his mailing list and can get a message to her?
When is the last time he actually saw Melania?
Did he get Melania a card that didn’t include a money beg? Or did he get her a card that does include a money beg, but is for her eyes only and just between them?
Cheap ass grifter piece of shit begging for money for himself and calling it a “present for Melania.”
When you sign sex notes to your spouse, do you also include a job title you used to have like Trump does? “SINCERELY, Brett Dongwangler, Employee of the Month, Big Lots (February ‘97)”
We guess number six wasn’t a question.
JoeMyGod says if you click the words “SEND YOUR LOVE,” you don’t actually get taken to a place to send a love note to Melania, but rather to a page that asks for a suggested minimum donation of $47. And where is that money going right now?
Also, if “Melania” doesn’t give money when prompted, it says:
WAIT, BEFORE YOU GO! No matter how many vicious lies and attacks they throw our way, President Trump will NEVER SURRENDER our great country to the Left’s tyranny! But the Democrats will spend billions and billions of dollars to try and stop our movement, and we’re counting on YOUR support to finish what we started. Together, we will DISMANTLE the Deep State, WIN BACK the White House, and SAVE AMERICA in 2024! Please consider completing your contribution today. Thank you!
Fuckin’ hot, man.
Nikki Haley is doing some Valentines too, scroll down to see if they are sex notes to her military husband who’s deployed overseas.
Made you look, you fuckin’ weirdo.
Instead they are all sexy love Valentines from Trump to various world dictators, featuring real quotes from Trump, about various world dictators. Because that’s who he really loves/worships/admires/Stans/thirsts after.
Trump’s love for Putin is well-documented, but “He’s strong like granite,” directed at Xi Jinping, is some real Song of Solomon-grade shit.
Anyway, OPEN THREAD.
[JoeMyGod]
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
If you're shopping on Amazon anyway, this portal gives us a small commission.
Hot take: Expecting Jon Stewart to save democracy was never reasonable, but hoping that he would explains the volume and intensity of the criticism of his first show back.
(Not the content of the criticism, which is justified, I'm just saying that whether Stewart does things right is not nearly as important as whether actual reporters do it right, so why do we spill more ink on Stewart than on them?)
The movie is over if you'd like to join us there for OT.