Delusional Old Man Keeps Thinking He's A Doctor
Who needs 'evidence' for vaccines when you have vibes?
Back in April, Donald Trump posted an AI meme of what was very clearly a picture of himself as Jesus, healing a man with a beam of light radiating from his hand. When asked about this picture by the press, he said, “Only the fake news could come up with that one ... It's supposed to be me as a doctor, making people better and I do make people better.”
Well, as far as he’s concerned, that AI meme was as good as going to medical school, because now he is out here issuing medical advice through executive orders like the one he issued on Monday, which among other things demands that doctors split the MMR vaccine into individual measles, mumps, and rubella vaccines and orders states to respect parents’ decision to not vaccinate their children and allow them to send the little Typhoid Marys to school. It was reported recently that Trump had been pressuring Robert F. Kennedy Jr. to give him the evidence to prove that vaccines cause autism, but I guess he decided he didn’t really need any more evidence than his own personal gut feeling.
To be fair, he made it clear in his announcement that he knows things about vaccines that no actual doctor anywhere knows or has ever heard of.
For instance, he knows that when babies get vaccines, doctors shoot them up with a syringe the size of a soda bottle. This information would likely come as a surprise to most doctors, as they have largely been under the impression that they have been giving infants just 0.5 to 1 mLs this whole time, rather than the 591 mL in a 20oz (and forget about a 2-liter!) bottle of soda. The doctors must be so confused!
Incredibly, despite the fact that there has never been a recorded instance of an MMR vaccine leading to the death of a healthy child, Trump also knows that they are “lethal” when combined rather than given separately.
“We want it in three separate vaccinations given at separate times together. There could be a possibility they're quite lethal and separately, it looks like they are not at all lethal but just very effective,” he said. He did not share what it is he was looking at that led him to believe that the MMR vaccine is lethal but separate shots are not, so surely we should just take him at his word.
When a reporter later asked him if there was any evidence of this “lethality,” Dr. Trump replied, “No, what I've heard is that there are, there are some people that say it is that way. And I say, well, let's say there's a 5 percent chance of it, let's split it up. Let's split it up because they do say that, given individual, there is no impact.”
Goodness! So five percent of babies who get the MMR vaccine are dying? That’s pretty big news, given that they get their first dose between 12 and 15 months old and the reported rate of child deaths between 1 and 4 is 0.025 percent. Five percent is 200 times that, and the only person who is hearing about this is Donald Trump? Is he not concerned that this could be something other than the vaccine?
Either that or he is just kind of making things up.
He also had some thoughts about living in an Amish paradise.
“You know, there are some groups that have virtually no problem with autism and they — um you know, I have to say this — they're groups that aren't big into the world of vaccines,” he explained. He didn’t explicitly say the Amish, but we know he was talking about the Amish because he’s said this on multiple occasions. A 2011 study found that only 14 percent of Amish families in Ohio had refused all vaccines for their children. Meanwhile, 100 percent of the Amish do not wear zippers, which are about as likely to cause autism as are vaccines.
The Amish do have lower rates of autism than the general population, but they also home school their children and don’t go to the doctor for anything they don’t consider serious. So no, they’re probably not getting checked out for anything other than profound autism.
Because he is always so gracious, Trump also gave the floor to Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who had a lot to say about how sure both he and Trump are that vaccines cause autism. One of the reasons he is so sure, he explained, is that we are not seeing a surge in older adults being diagnosed with autism.
“One of the things that the industry likes to say, one of the talking points, which the press loves to parrot, is, ‘Oh, we're just noticing it more.’ But this is an absurdity, and this is an assertion that has been debunked again and again and again by peer-reviewed literature,” he said, referring to peer-reviewed literature that exists only in his own mind. “But it's also debunked by common sense because if we were just noticing it more, we would notice it in older groups, but we're not. We're only noticing it in kids who were born around 1989 or after. The older generations, you're not seeing those increases. So something happened in the, in the mid-‘90s that changed our children and it has to be an environmental exposure because genes don't cause epidemics. It can provide a vulnerability but you need an environmental toxin.”
Well, one big thing did happen in 1994 — the DSM-IV introduced the concept of the autism spectrum and started classifying pervasive developmental disorders like Asperger’s Syndrome, Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS), and Childhood Disintegrative Disorder (CDD) as forms of autism, whereas before that they were their own things. Turns out, when you take five separate things and decide they are all actually one thing, you have more of that one thing.
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Also, I am going to need to point out that between 2011 and 2022 there was a 450 percent increase in adults ages 24-34 being diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, as a result of the expanded criteria, more public awareness, and because learning more about it on the internet and identifying with the symptoms caused them to go out and seek a diagnosis. There has also been a major uptick in girls, women, and people of color getting diagnosed with autism and ADHD, partly due to the fact that pretty much all the early studies only included white males. We didn’t know a lot about how autism or ADHD presented in different populations, but now we know more and that is why we are seeing an increase of diagnoses in these groups.
Because of this disparity, the rates of girls and women being diagnosed with autism are increasing much faster, proportionately, than the rates of boys and men Does this mean that girls are getting more vaccines? I don’t think it does.
RFK Jr. also brought up the fact that there are several European countries that do not have mandates but maintain high vaccination rates due to “education, informed consent, and public trust.” That, however, is not a thing we can have in the United States, because people here are selfish idiots.
Speaking for every parent across the country, Jayme Franklin, mom and CEO of “lifestyle brand” The Conservateur (which we’ll certainly have to delve into at a later date), explained that parents just “want to be able to have the freedom to space it out and to choose which one works for our child. We don’t believe that there’s a one-size-fits-all solution for every child.”
Except for how there is. Like, there’s not going to be anything special about your particular one-year-old that makes it so they don’t need a vaccine, unless they have an autoimmune disorder, in which case the doctor wouldn’t give it to them anyway. Why would that even be a thing?
The vaccines are spaced in a particular way to ensure they are as effective as possible. Because, unlike Donald Trump and Robert F. Kennedy Jr., actual doctors don’t just randomly decide to do things some particular way based on “feelings” they have. Heck, they’re probably too busy educating themselves on “new scientific advancements in their field” to ever even get around to reading the deeply intellectual memes and email forwards from which this administration gets the majority of its medical information.
I guess if they really want to keep the United States even close to herd immunity levels, they’ll have to come up with an AI video that portrays Trump as a badass, heavily-muscled action hero, dressed up as a doctor in the traditional white robe and red shawl of all medical professionals, saving all the babies with his trusty 20oz syringe full of vaccines.
Then, maybe, civilization might stand a chance.
PREVIOUSLY ON WONKETTE!
Hey, you don't want to vaccinate your kid? Great. Just don't bring your child to my pediatric ER when he/she has meningitis from a vaccine-preventable cause like the chiropractor who didn't believe in vaccines did when his 2 year-old son contracted Hib. The child was touch-and-go in the pediatric ICU for almost two weeks and luckily survived and isn't brain damaged. Go ask PAB or Rat-Fucker K, Jr or TikTok what to do, you selfish, stupid, sad-excuses for humans.
I guess King Piggy's voices have not informed him that the Amish also lead the country in the incidence of polydactylism, I.e. six fingered hands. Sometimes that Olde Tyme Religion comes with a stiff cover fee.