Dingus Trump Coup Lawyer Ken Chesebro Gets Life Ruined :(
Another one bites the dust.
Beep beep, beep, here comes the Trump bus, backing up to fit one more lawyer underneath! This time it’s Kenny “the Cheese” Chesebro, dingus fake-electors lawyer, getting indefinitely barred from practicing law in New York! And it’s about time.
In October 2023 he pled guilty to conspiracy to commit filing false documents in Georgia, and while that’s not a felony in New York, the New York Supreme Court Appellate Division figured close enough. His law license was also already suspended in Massachusetts in March, and he lost or surrendered the right to practice in California, Florida, and Illinois. SADFACE!
Chesebro doesn’t get nearly enough credit for coming up with the whole concept of a plan for January 6, which he conveniently emailed to John Eastman (recommended for disbarment in California) and Rudy Giuliani (disbarred in New York and DC), though he admitted to Rudy at the time that the plan “could appear treasonous.”
OTHER LOSER COUP LAWYERS!
The big brain plan went like this: Step one, Pence will say he can’t preside over the count on January 6, he can only open the envelopes, and somebody else, say Chuck Grassley, should do it. “This will insulate him and the President from what happens next.” Which would be Grassley opening the “and the winner is!” envelopes for Alabama and Alaska, which would make Trump winning 12-0. Then Grassley would get to Arizona, and be all “whaa whaa whaa WHAAA? Why, what’s this? It’s TWO slates of electors! Clearly Arizona doesn’t know what the fuck they’re doing! We had better stop the count right now and not give Biden those votes, until Arizona or the Supreme Court figures all this shit out!”
And then, they would drag the whole mess out for two entire weeks, claiming litigation was pending, or until the Trump-loving Supreme Court said, sure, fine, let’s just let Trump stay president, why not? Or something like that. The plan was half-baked at best. But could you imagine two weeks of Fox-pilled grandmas, meth-addled militias, virgins in flak jackets, Proud Boys, three-percenters, Oath Keepers, crypto yokels, and 4Chan trolls occupying the Capitol, waiting for their Lord Emperor to return?
But the Cheese thought it was a great plan, anyway, and so did Trump lawyer Boris Epshteyn (now indicted in Arizona), who asked lawyer Jim Troupis (now indicted for forgery in Wisconsin), who asked Ken Cheseboro to come up with fake elector ballots for Wisconsin, Georgia, Michigan, Arizona, Nevada, New Mexico, and Pennsylvania. Bursting with pride, Cheseboro even took video of the fake electors signing the fake certificates at their fake-elector meeting in Wisconsin.
And he hand-delivered fake elector certificates to an aide for Pennsylvania Rep. Mike Kelly, which was captured on security video on January 5.
Then on January 6 Chesebro hung around Alex Jones, sniffing the pepper spray in the air.
Chesebro’s a super weird guy. He was a student of Laurence Tribe’s, along with now-Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan and legal-analyst/New-Yorker-Zoom-call wanker Jeffrey Toobin. He was a Democrat until 2016, a left-wing lawyer who fought polluters and was a deputy special counsel in the Iran-Contra investigation, that time Reagan secretly sold arms to Iran in exchange for hostages, to fund a rebel group in Nicaragua. The ‘80s were a wild time! But then Cheseboro made a bunch of money in crypto, bought a $13 million penthouse, divorced his wife, started dating a 21-year-old when he was in his 60s, and swung his politics hard right.
But The Cheese’s late-midlife-crisis-fueled victory was not to be! Mike Pence did not cooperate with the plan. The hordes of Proud Boys, QAnon grandmas, amateur DJs, deadbeat dads, and horse-paste aficionados got routed out of the Capitol, and the election was certified before midnight. Cheseboro got indicted in Georgia and Wisconsin, is now cooperating in Wisconsin, Arizona, and Michigan fake-electors prosecutions, and is a co-conspirator in the federal prosecution.
And now his law license is suspended in another state. The sad story of a once-smart-seeming weirdo whose life was ruined by his fealty to Trump, and now probably can’t even find a 20-year-old to date him. It’s sure mighty crowded under that bus!
[Appellate Decision/ Guardian/ Air Mail archive link]
WHY. THE. FUCKING. JESUS. MOTHERFUCKING. HELL. IS. THIS GOD. DAMNED. SHIT. STILL. HAPPENING. FOUR. FUCKING. SHITTY. FUCK. YEARS. LATER? WHY. AREN'T. ALL. OF. THESE. GODDAMNED. MOTHERFUCKING. SHITTY. ASS. FUCKING. FUCKERS. ALREADY. ROTTING. IN. FEDERAL. MOTHERFUCKING. JAIL. ON. HEAVY. WORK. DETAIL?
You know what might have been nice? Criminal trials two years ago. Rob a bank and you're charged and tried ASAP. Try to overthrow the government, meh, we don't prosecute politics. It sets the wrong tone.