DOJ Reveals 'Tough On Crime' NYC Mayor Indictment And It Is LOLOLOLOL WOW WTF
A Pulitzer to the authors, immediately!
New York City has given the world an incalculable amount of magnificent writing, inspiring James Baldwin, Ralph Ellison, Truman Capote, Henry James, Patti Smith, Lorraine Hansberry, Bob Dylan, Don DeLillo, Edith Wharton, Colton Whitehead, Min Jin Lee, J.D. Salinger, Pizza Rat (a slam poet!!!!), and so many others, including your favorite author whom you’re pissed I didn’t include in this limited list. (I am sorry, we are setting up a NEWS ANALYSIS!!!)
But today’s finest New York Author is the Department of Justice’s Southern District of New York, which presented to an eager public the unsealed indictment of the 110th Mayor of New York City, Mr. Eric Adams.
You can read the whole thing yourself (including the part about a staffer deleting an important item of Evidence whilst excusing themselves from their FBI interview to perhaps make poo poo on the pee pee throne) and it is so fun, in a fucked-up way. I asked Rebecca, Yr Wonkette, why I’m crying laughing, and I theorized that it is weirdly nice to read about old-fashioned Batman story style corruption that doesn’t seem to involve actively harming women or children or even doing murders on anybody.
Here are a few major ALLEGED findings.
As Brooklyn Borough President and as Mayor of NYC, Eric Adams accepted a whole bunch of (illegal) cash from foreign donors. From the indictment: “By smuggling their contributions to ADAMS through U.S.-based straw donors, ADAMS's overseas contributors defeated federal laws that serve to prevent foreign influence on U.S. elections. Wealthy individuals evaded laws designed to limit their power over elected officials by restricting the amount any one person can donate to a candidate.”
The Republic of Turkey basically bought the man’s whole mayoral administration, in exchange for genuinely nice gifts. Awww. He got to stay at the St. Regis Istanbul, in the “Bentley Suite.” I know people who stayed at a St. Regis once and it was so pleasant, how fun! As per Ben Weiser at the New York Times, “Although booking the suite for two nights ordinarily costs about $7,000, the indictment says, Adams paid a total of less than $600.” The mayor’s special liaison to NYC Asian-American communities joined him on the trip, how fun. Jay Root adds, “The liaison also received, along with Adams, free business-class tickets to Istanbul, and then from Istanbul to Beijing.”
He flies the friendly skies a lot, courtesy of Istanbul. Ben Weiser again: “Because the Turkish airline Adams flew provided him with free travel benefits worth tens of thousands of dollars […] once in 2017, Adams’s partner was surprised to learn he was in Turkey when she understood him to be flying from New York to France. Adams responded in a text message: ‘Transferring here. You know first stop is always instanbul [sic],’ the indictment says.’”
No, but seriously, Eric Adams really loves to travel, not only to Turkey! Here’s William Rashbaum at the Times, detailing just some of the bribes Adams allegedly accepted, totaling in value more than $100,000: “A roundtrip flight from New York to India in 2016; free business class tickets for himself and two companions on roundtrip flights from New York to France, Turkey, Sri Lanka and China in July 2017; a steeply discounted stay at the Bentley Suites that he accepted that same month [see above]; free business class tickets for himself and a companion on roundtrip flights from New York to China in October 2017 and free upgrades to business class for himself and a companion on roundtrip flights from New York to Hungary in January 2018; and steeply discounted business class tickets, stays at a luxury hotel and resort and transportation that he solicited in June 2021.”
Eric Adams kinda, sorta did his best to keep this all under wraps. From the indictment: “Sometimes, ADAMS agreed to pay a nominal fee to create the appearance of having paid for travel that was in fact heavily discounted. Other times, ADAMS created and instructed others to create fake paper trails, falsely suggesting that he had paid, or planned to pay, for travel benefits that were actually free.” And via Ben Weiser for the Times (God, they’re busy today): “In March 2019, while exchanging texts to plan another possible trip to Turkey, an Adams staffer texted Adams that ‘To be o[n the] safe side Please Delete all messages you send me.’ Adams responded, ‘Always do.’”
At his press conference today, he said, among other things, “Everyone who knows me knows that I follow the campaign rules and I follow the law.” This seems demonstrably untrue, possibly?
There is so very much more, and this obviously is all unfolding very quickly to us, the reading public. But the FBI has been working on this shit since at least 2021.
Your author has to go eat breakfast, because it is 10:45 a.m. here in Chicago, where she recently moved from Brooklyn. Thankfully, no politician in Chicago has ever been corrupt, ever, right? RIGHT?
Please meditate on this post and share in the comments what bribes you would accept in order to fly Turkish Airlines (which I’ve heard is very nice!) for free or nearly free, and also tell us where you would go and what you would eat.
Guess it actually IS somebody's business other than the Turks'!
LOL "Please delete all messages you send me." Because there's no way that law enforcement can find them after that, right?!
The best thing about criminal conspiracies is that criminals are typically pretty idiotic and well as overreachingly greedy.