Don't Cry For Andrew Lloyd Webber, 'Wokeness' Is Not His Problem

The man hasn't won a Tony since 1995, okay.

For the last 44 years there has been an Andrew Lloyd Webber show on Broadway — or there was, up until the beginning of this month when, just a few weeks after Phantom of the Opera flung its last chandelier, Webber's new show Bad Cinderella closed after just 85 performances. Deservedly. Because it was, in fact, bad. Very, verybad. Even by Andrew Lloyd Hasn't Won A Tony Since  Sunset Boulevard  In 1995 And Also Once Wrote A Roller Skate Musical About Trains In Love Webber standards.

For entirely unrelated reasons, to be sure, Lloyd Webber went on the I Never Thought It Would Happen podcast this week to talk about how political correctness and fears of being accused of cultural appropriation is what's keeping him from putting out a new musical. 

“Put it to you this way," he explained to host Chris Difford. "If I were to be doing Evita today, I think there would be a lot of people to say ‘well they’re not qualified to do this because they’re not Argentine’. This is a factor that is staggering. There was a subject that I really wanted to consider doing but everybody was saying to me ‘you can’t do this because you’re not from that country’.”

Oh wow, I guess we truly do live in a brave new world. Except for how there were, in fact, similar criticisms of Evita   since it first premiered in the late 1970s, largely because it is very, veryhistorically inaccurate and (reportedly) based almost entirely on one very anti-Peronist and also historically inaccurate book written by a woman who had left Argentina well before Juan Peron ever even assumed office. There were also similar criticisms of the 1996 movie version starring Madonna. In fact, another movie written, produced and directed by Argentinians,  Eva Peron: The True Story  was put out that same year, explicitly for the purpose of refuting some of the claims made in the movie and providing an Argentinian perspective on her life.

Don't get me wrong. I do love the music for Evita . I love Patti LuPone with all my heart. Also Elaine Paige! I love standing on balconies and singing Don't Cry For Me Argentina with my arms in the air. It's one of four Lloyd Webber musicals I actually like (the other three being Jesus Christ Superstar , Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and Tell Me On A Sunday ). But were Webber and Rice qualified to tell the story of Eva Peron? Not remotely! And not just because they were not from Argentina. If it took place in a fictional universe that was not meant to have anything to do with a historical person from any particular area of the world? Great musical, no notes. But yeah, it is weird that two white guys from England wrote a very historically inaccurate account of Eva Peron's life and for the cast of a musical set in Argentina to almost always be largely Anglo-Saxon.

If that were not the case, we might have gotten a far deeper and more nuanced Evita than we ended up getting. One which didn't gloss over her achievements — like her successful campaign for women's suffrage, the way she improved social services, got people equitable health care, supported labor unions, and worked on behalf of the poor — or suggest that her philanthropy work was all a ruse to launder money, which it actually wasn't. They didn't fully grasp why people loved her so much, which means the audience doesn't really get the feel for why people loved her so much.

Now, in Webber's case ... he's a composer. He's only written the book for one of his shows, the rather forgettable Aspects of Love . There is no reason why, if he wants to help tell a particular story so badly, he could not simply enlist people from that culture to write the lyrics and the book. Working with Andrew Lloyd Webber, while reportedly not a very pleasant experience, would still be a pretty incredible opportunity for an up and coming artist.

Ironically, one of the many issues with Bad Cinderella is that it seems a little like a confused white man's version of what Woke Cinderella would be — which was disappointing, since the book for the musical was initially written by Oscar-winning Promising Young Woman writer Emerald Fennell. Like, Cinderella is a feisty goth with my hairstyle from 2001, Prince Charming is gay, but then the Fairy Godmother is a plastic surgeon who keeps everyone in the town beautiful but is also simultaneously very judgy about people caring about others' appearances.

Truly, it is a painful, deeply confusing mess.

 www.youtube.com 

It insists upon itself, and yet it has no idea what it is.

Part of the reason there is so much emphasis now on "who should tell this story" is that we are all a little more aware these days — not just of injustices, but of other people. The internet has made the world smaller and we hear from more people now. We are more familiar with different perspectives and so sometimes those perspectives, filtered through the lens of a wealthy old white Englishman, can just feel a little cringe. Because we are exposed to more things, more culture, more individual people, we are more attuned to authenticity. It does not surprise me, at all, that the lyrics of Bad Cinderella were written by a 69-year-old man.

There was a time when, for the most part, practically all of human experience was filtered through a similar lens, so it stood out less when things were maybe not especially authentic or perhaps a little insulting.

It's not just his own work that Webber is afraid that the world is losing out on. He also fears that shows and operas that have already been made would not be made today. “You are sort of thinking ‘well hang on a moment, that means most of the shows that have been written, most of the operas that have been written, wouldn’t be allowed today because they weren’t written by the nationality of the composer the subject is about’. I promise you you are dealing with this sort of thing.”

Yeah! There are a lot of musicals and operas that would not be made today. There are also a lot of operas and musicals that are made today that wouldn't be made in previous eras.

I think the score for Puccini's Madama Butterfly is one of the most gorgeous and perfect things in this world. The second I even think of the opening strains of "Un Bel di Vedremo" I want to burst into tears. But when I see it live ... I'm aware that it's kind of, well, wrong.That's not just me being politically correct, that's me saying "Wow, this sure leans a little hard on the stereotypes." Same thing with  Turandot  and a lot of other operas. No one would make them today because they wouldn't want to put anything in front of the audience's ability to enjoy the show.

 www.youtube.com 

Art is a product of its time. Like, part of the reason Jesus Christ Superstar is still his best work is that while it was a story rooted in the past, it worked perfectly for that moment in time. Unlike the School of Rock musical, which came out a decade after the School of Rock movie came out. Sorry, not sorry. Part of the reason Webber's musicals always seem so stale is that they all kind of sound alike and they all sort of exist out of time, and not in a good way.

Maybe Andrew Lloyd Webber doesn't have anything to say about this particular moment in time that resonates with people the same way. Maybe his problem is that he hasn't worked with Tim Rice in a hot minute. Or hell, maybe wokeness did get him. And if wokeness is what prevents us from getting another Bad Cinderella ? All I have to say is "Thanks, wokeness!"

 Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .

Wonkette is independent and fully funded by readers like you. Click below to tip us!