Donald Trump Free At Last, Free At Last, And Other Deep Thoughts About The Convicted Felon
Oh! Jail for Donald! Jail for Donald for ONE THOUSAND YEARS!
Oh, sure, we’ve already had a post about stupid takes on the conviction of convicted felon Donald “Convicted Felon” Trump, but the stupid hits just keep coming, so here, have moar stupid!
Over at Fox News, the tone was defiant, without even the slightest hint that the headline writers were grasping for a silver lining: Hooray, he’s finally free to campaign, as he would have been if he hadn’t committed multiple rafts of felonies.
Oh, and that “warning shot to Biden”? It was, fortunately, not fired from a gun on Fifth Avenue, but was an actually not-violent comment for Fox Digital from campaign spokesperson Karoline Leavitt, who said,
"Crooked Joe Biden and the Democrats confined President Trump to a courtroom for more than eight hours a day for more than six weeks, and he’s still winning. Now that he is fully back on the campaign trial, Biden and the Democrats better buckle up."
Also too, if you thought “freed to hit campaign trail” was dumb, check out the URL for that story, which hints that the draft headline for the story was something like “Trump released from freezing NYC courtroom to warm embrace of his rallies,” and we can see why that was too cringe even for jaded Fox News editors.
That wasn’t the only epic headline on Fox News Dot Com today, because just below the big banner story about the liberation of convicted felon Donald Trump, there’s this trio of stories that are of equal news value to America:
Who fared best — and worst — in the aftermath of Trump's guilty verdict
MARK LEVIN: The Democrat Party has completely destroyed our electoral system
'Aliens' that landed in family's backyard used 'cloaking device' to hide from humans: expert
For the aliens in the backyard story, which is about aliens from space, not Venezuela, the headline is accompanied by a big red chyron reading “'UNDENIABLE EVIDENCE’” and an animated gif of three separate video frames, with the heads of “aliens” highlighted in a green outline. What other color would you use, duhhh. [Fox News / Fox News]
Elsewhere, there was this epic entry for the never-ending New Frontiers In Bothsidesing contest, courtesy of Atlantic writer Conor Friedersdorf, the thinking person’s David Brooks:
“I didn't follow the trial. I don't know if the verdict was right or wrong. Regardless, a lot of Trump haters and Trump supporters alike could gain insight into one another's mindsets right now by remembering how you felt back in 2016 when Trump led chants of ‘lock her up.’"
Friedersdorf explained that this only looks like bothsidesing, and he is not suggesting any equivalence between Trump’s actual conviction and the ill-informed chants aimed at Clinton. Rather, he just wishes we’d stop and think about our fellow Americans, because folks in either political camp might benefit from “understanding how different factions feel,” which would be a good thing in itself, would it not?
He added that he didn’t at all mean to suggest that Clinton deserved to be locked up, or that Trump does not, but rather that we should consider
what others *do* feel, with their various, sometimes inaccurate understanding of the facts, not what they *should* feel given the actual facts.
Well, yes, that’s nice and all, but … well, let’s be honest here, that kind of close examination of how the other half feels doesn’t exactly seem forthcoming equally from bothsides, does it? One wag replied,
“I think we'll likely see a lot of Trump supporters reflecting on those chants now. As a whole, his base is very self-aware and empathetic.”
Friedersdorf replied that would indeed be nice, even if it were uncommon:
“Reminding them of that moment, as I did in that tweet, may cause some small percentage to give it some thought. And that's about the best one can do on most subjects.”
And then everyone felt much more thoughtful about the Times In Which We Find Ourselves. In related news, a California judge is today considering an application for an anti-stalking protection order from Mr. Friedersdorf’s navel, who complains he won’t quit gazing at it.
In another novel thought experiment, Alan Dershowitz went on Steve Bannon’s “War Room” podcast, which we believe runs 26 hours a day, via witchcraft, to explain that, sadly for Trump enthusiasts, the Great Man’s felony convictions are unlikely to be overturned. But that’s not because the case was so well-proved, or because an appeal would fall short of showing the prosecution was unfair, or any of those troublesome law-knowin’ things.
Nope, Dersh said with an apparently straight face that no judge would be willing to overturn Trump’s conviction because then they’d be shunned by all their peers, just as Dershowitz became a pariah in the Martha’s Vineyard social scene when he stood up for Trump on Fox News, and also when Trump was on trial in the Senate (same thing) during his first impeachment.
“He has to appeal first through the New York system and the New York system are all judges that don’t wanna be responsible for freeing Donald Trump. These are people with their families. These are people who don’t wanna be Dershowitzed.”
You were aware that’s a verb, right? It’s absolutely a thing that human beings other than Alan Dershowitz say, all the time!
“People know what happened to me when I defended Donald Trump on the floor of the Senate. Nobody on Martha’s Vineyard would speak to me, Harvard Law School canceled me after I’d been there for 50 years, and judges don’t want that to happen to them. So I am not encouraged that he’ll get a fair appeal.”
That is exactly how the law works in America today, yes, especially if you are neighbors of the Alitos. [Mediaite]
And finally, Politico reports that Donald Trump’s campaign is attending to the most important aspect of this unprecedented historical moment: Making sure it benefits financially from the anger of Trump supporters without a bunch of other greedy Republican campaigns trying to make a buck off Trump’s suffering, which is his alone, you understand?
“Any Republican elected official, candidate or party committee siphoning money from President Trump’s donors are no better than Judge Merchan’s daughter,” said Trump co-campaign manager Chris LaCivita. “We’re keeping a list, we’ll be checking it twice and we aren’t in the spirit of Christmas.”
In particular, Trumpworld wants to stomp out dishonest grifters like loyal Trump Republican congressional candidate Dave Williams of Colorado, who sent out a fundraising message condemning the convictions and urging donors to “STAND WITH TRUMP & DAVE.” Problem is, the appeal linked only to “a landing page in which donations are solely sent to Williams.”
Why, that’s the sort of trick Trump would be delighted by, if only it were his campaign pulling it. No wonder his people are pissed off. They know exactly what lowlife scammers their respected colleagues are, and want to make sure nobody steals a piece of Trump’s own grift. [Politico]
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Not that I need to get more sleep or anything, but while I was editing this, a little "loading" circle on the kitten pic made it look, in my peripheral vision, as if the kitty was waggling its itty bitty paw while it slept, and for a half second I wondered whether it was an animated GIF.
A nap once cocktail is up? Well, yes, that does sound good!
OT: Dublin report.
Dubliners got quite festive last night after stories broke of Trump’s convictions. As a Yank, I received a good number of free congratulatory cognacs. The local newspapers were plastered with giant headlines today, along with Trump’s sad witto face. Multiple people expressed delight that a woman brought him down.
From our hotel room window, we can see a dozen giant construction cranes, three ancient church spires, and a whacko discotheque spilling psychedelic lights into the evening.
No sign of Bono.