Doug Burgum Was Trump's Unlucky Designated Sunday Show Liar On July 5
We watch so you never have to.
After drinks and nice fireworks (except for the Washington, DC ones, they were horrid) for America’s 250th birthday, some of us dealt with with the lingering ringing ears and hangovers by watching the Sunday shows.
Speaking of people who look the way hangovers feel, here’s Interior Secretary Doug Burgum.
Making dual appearances on CNN’s State Of The Union and ABC’s This Week with George Stephanopoulos, Burgum provided proof that you either have to actually be or pretend to be the dumbest person to work for Donald Trump.
On CNN, Burgum was initially caught off guard when asked about MAGA loyalists several hundred masked men belonging to the Patriot Front white nationalist group marching with Confederate Flags through neighborhoods in the US capital, as they chanted “Reclaim America.” Host Dana Bash wanted to know if Burgum was concerned about how emboldened groups like these are and their comfort level with doing this on the July 4 weekend.
Burgum’s answer was to ignore the question and vomit generic platitudes about America.
BURGUM: Well, I think we -- obviously, when we're celebrating America, we have had an incredible celebration, and we got -- this is the kickoff of a celebration year. But we know from our very founding that this was something that divided our nation […] As we continue to move forward as a country, we can be an exceptional nation because our ideals are exceptional, that all men are created equal.
Bash, sensing the dodge, asked if Burgum condemned this group of outright white supremacists. Burgum’s condemnation was light, and then he switched to what the GOP sees as a bigger “threat.”
BURGUM: But in America, free speech is allowed. […] I mean, we're a country where someone can run and be elected saying that they're a communist, and -- but yet this is what our nation has stood against and fought for, because we're about -- we're about life and liberty. We're not -- we're not about death and tyranny, which we know communism has brought across the country, so -- and across history.
Ah, yes, because wanting to guarantee human rights and healthcare are the same “evil” as wanting to exterminate/subjugate/deny rights to people based on skin/religion/creed. Truly, these things are equivalent.
Bash asked Burgum if Donald Trump, who has been mum on this, would condemn it. We let out a loud laugh at home before Burgum would not answer it, knowing full well Donald would never alienate his voter base like that.
The subject then turned to the perfect metaphor for Trump’s presidency, incompetence and corruption: the ongoing Reflecting Pool maintenance fuckup. Bash asked Burgum what went wrong, and he answered in typical Trumpian fashion.
BURGUM: Well, the algae is all gone. I mean, that was a momentary thing. As they -- as it was being refilled, there was algae in the pipes. But the new technology, the nano-bubblers that have been installed, if you go down there today and look at it, it is completely clean and clear.
Sure, Jan. That’s why everyone is asking “what went wrong.” Surely they meant it like “why is my steak so delicious and my lobster so buttery?”
Bash pointed out the peeling of the coating on the Reflecting Pool and Burgum, like the good little toady, went with the “emperor’s new fit is glorious” narrative.
BURGUM: It didn't peel off. There was there was vandalism. There was box cutters. There have been seven arrests.
Bash was skeptical about this and whether they had proof. Burgum got very defensive.
BURGUM: Oh, yes, absolutely, Dana. And we drain it, and we have got all the photographs, we can see. I mean, there's no possible way...
BASH: There are photographs of a person or people cutting a 300- or 350-foot gash in the bottom of the Reflecting Pool?
BURGUM: Dana, I'm not sure why you and others in the media think that you want to keep trying to question whether or not …
Gee, Douglas, maybe it’s because the Trump administration is filled with liars, and the most brazen one is your boss. People tend not to take the word of liars as facts.
Bash, still skeptical, asked if it might have been damaged when Trump had an entire motorcade drive over it during the “repairs” process. Burgum dismissed this, pointing out that Trump was in a lighter vehicle that day than ”The Beast,” while ignoring that it was still a goddamn motorcade driving over the freshly “renovated” area.
But it was when Bash asked who would be repairing the “repairs” that we wanted to throw our TV remote.
BASH: How much is it going to cost to fix? And are you going to use the same company that you did in the no-bid contract, or will you open it up to new bids?
BURGUM: We will use the same company because they did a fantastic job.
No, they fucking did not. You normally don’t have to pay more to repair something that was already “fixed” if they did a “fantastic job.”
As the interview ended, Burgum tried to pull the “why is the media so obsessed with this” card, only for Bash to remind him (and the viewers) who decided to make this the main subject of attention.
BASH: I take your point. And I think the answer is because the president sets the tone, and he talks about it nonstop because he was so proud of it, which is why we're following up on what you did to try to fix it.
On ABC, Stephanopoulos grilled Burgum about the cost of this “fantastic job.”
STEPHANOPOULOS: President Trump originally said that fixing it would cost under $2 million. That cost has climbed above $15 million. And of course, the pool is still closed.
Burgum, again, tried to dismiss all criticism and say everything was great. And again, the reality of the situation intervened, via the host.
STEPHANOPOULOS: Well, you say it's been a success, but the pool is going to be drained this week, isn't it?
Burgum again dismissed this and did his best Leslie Nielsen in The Naked Gun…
… If played by Eugene Levy’s least talented cousin …
Maybe having a guy who had to give people $20 gift cards to donate to his failed presidential campaign, or had to have the concept of batteries explained to them in the congressional record, shouldn’t be in charge of anything.
Have a week.
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>>We're not -- we're not about death and tyranny,<<
*ahem*
Alex Pretti, Renee Nicole Good, Keith Porter Jr., Luis Gustavo Nunez Cacares, Geraldo Lunas Campos, Victor Manuel Diaz, Parady La, Luis Beltran Yanez-Cruz, and Heber Sanchez Dominguez all might have something to say about this. Except they're, y'know, dead.
"There was there was vandalism. There was box cutters."
No witnesses, though. Or video. At a location a little over a mile from the White House. I worked at a grocery store. Box cutters don't cut for shit after cutting cardboard over and over and I'm expected to believe they cut an indestructible liner the length of over a football field and no one saw.