Barack Obama, With A Knife, At The Reflecting Pool

We wouldn't all be talking about this if Donald Trump had ever shut up about it the last two months of Iran War.

Fox News is half-right: Only a crazy person would be this obsessed with blaming other presidents, pro-algae protesters, and ‘deranged individuals’ for the shitty Reflecting Pool work. Screenshot: Instagram

The national crisis on the National Mall continued into another week, with the president of the United States insisting Monday that knife-wielding terrorists had attacked the newly installed lining of the Reflecting Pool, which was just renovated at a cost of more than $16 million.

President Sundowner also claimed he’d personally seen evidence that vandals “cut it, they cut it very violently. The same thing with the floor, they cut it, and then they lifted it. They pulled it. And it is what it is.” He added, “we also have pictures.” But really, you don’t need proof, because the huge 350-foot slit in the lining is all the proof you need.

Yes, even if reporters looking for the huge slit haven’t seen any such thing.

America doesn’t have a “parks department,” but it does have a National Park Service, which also has not responded to journalists asking for proof of these knife-wielding frogmen or whatever.

For what it’s worth, Trump claimed on May 4 that the new liner was nigh-invulnerable, bragging, “You’ll never have a leak, it’s very strong. […] You couldn’t, if you had a knife — I don’t want to give anybody ideas — if you had a knife, you can’t even cut it. So strong, so powerful. It’s like powerful rubber. It is beautiful. Sealed. Like a piece of glass.” OK, but that just means that someone with a TURBO-KNIFE musta got to it.

When Wonkette’s Dominic Gwinn was there this weekend, he didn’t see any turbo-knife damage to the pool.

Wait! Are those turbo-knife slashes? (No) Photo: Dominic Gwinn, Wonkette.

Asked if he would share proof of that very violent assault on the lining of the Reflecting Pool, Trump should have shown this video from May, showing a crazy person being driven around in a motorcade of six-ton armored Suburbans on the floor of the empty pool while the resurfacing work was still underway.

Instead, Trump said that the shocking proof would be revealed when the time is right, don’tcha know, but you can also get it right away if you just ask, OK?

“Yeah, at the right time you'll see it,” Mr. Trump said. “You'll see it in court. You'll see it in court, but all you have to do is call the Parks Department, call the Department of Interior.”

In a further sign of his cognitive decline, Trump completely forgot to say the pictures or proof or whatever sticky rotting blue matter he was pulling out of his ass would be released in a week or two, his usual disclaimer when he’s lying.

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Trump also went on to speculate — we mean, to reveal a very real conspiracy — blaming unidentified evildoers for causing the trouble, explaining without a shred of evidence that “If you put fertilizer in the water, you get algae, but somebody said they might have put fertilizer, they did something to create the algae.” That’s a bit different from the earlier official explanation that the algae was introduced to the newly renovated Reflecting Pool by “residual algae in the supply lines.”

Actually, if you want to see a disaster at the Reflecting Pool, it was caused by Barack Hussein Obama, Trump lied, repeating his lie that Obama had “spent two years and over $100 million” renovating the reflecting pool, but that it “never even opened.” The AP already fact-checked that lie back in May, noting that Obama’s reconstruction ran around $34 million on a project that was completed (with the pool reopened) in 2012. (Trump was then lying that Obama and Biden had both spent “hundreds of millions” and made the pool worse.) That project also included new landscaping and walking paths, if you’re comparing costs.

Also too, Trump had a nice crazy freakout Monday afternoon when a couple of goofballs paraded around with signs saying they were “pro-algae,” including one goofball in an inflatable frog costume that had “AMPHIFA” painted in colorful letters on its belly. Trump took the comedic protest completely seriously, of course:

Remember, Trump thinks the people making fun of him are the crazy ones.

To cap it all off, here’s White House Lie Secretary Karoline Leavitt explaining to Sean Hannity Monday night that there IS TOO a serious crime spree at the Reflecting Pool, and that it’s being perpetrated by some of the worst scum possible, like even worse than the single-celled kind!

Fact Check: Reporters covering the Reflecting Pool all weekend didn’t see any dastardly knife attackers or algae dumpers, just lots and lots of cops. But then, Antifa may have a lot of invisible ninja operatives.

LEAVITT: The vandalism is very real, despite what Tim Walz wants to say: “It’s an imaginary problem.” No, it is not. It’s a very real problem. In fact, I spoke with the National Park Service just before joining the show. They now have 17 police reports that have been filed in just a matter of a few days.

There’s actually been six arrests at the reflecting pool where, again, these deranged individuals, many of them longtime donors to the Democrat Party, to Barack Obama, to Act Blue, that have been vandalizing and desecrating our federal monument, one of the most beautiful monuments in the world, the reflecting pool.

Look, just because the White House hasn’t actually proven any of these monstrous protesters from the Black Lagoon have done a damn thing, that doesn’t mean that the administration is just arresting people willy-nilly and accusing them. Only fascists would do such a thing!

Leavitt vowed that the algae vandalizers would be prosecuted to the full extent of the law — meaning that no grand jury is likely to indict them, or that the prosecution will fall apart faster than a Subway sandwich splatting on an ICE goon — and this “despicable vandalism” will be fixed before July 4, when the world has a collective orgasm for the 250th anniversary Donald Trump’s writing and signing the Declaration of Independence and then posting it on King George III’s Twitter account.

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I Am The Reflecting Pool. Don't Look At Me, I'm Hideous

US Attorney Boxwine Bad At Indicting Ham Sandwiches

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