Elon Musk Can't Stop Offering His Sperms To Everyone He Meets. What A Vial Guy!
Like grody canapés or something.
Electric Space Creep Elon Musk is building a compound in Austin, Texas, based around two huge mansions near each other, where he wants all his children and the women he has spawned them with to live together, the New York Times reports (gift link). The Times reports this in the context of Musk’s strange belief that people need to have a lot more babies or the planet will be depopulated, noting that demographers say that’s not happening.
The article assiduously avoids any suggestion that Musk might want any particular kind of people to have more children, beyond his having said smart people should make many many babies. But mostly, it’s just because he wants all the children he has spawned to live near each other, at least the ones who are still on speaking terms with him.
Mr. Musk has told people close to him in recent months that he envisions his children (of which there are at least 11) and two of their three mothers occupying adjoining properties. That way, his younger children could be a part of one another’s lives, and Mr. Musk could schedule time among them.
Maybe Musk is jealous of hearing about Howard Hughes with his uncut nails, his kleenex-box slippers, and his big jars of urine, as the go-to image of a crazed reclusive billionaire. With his own compound, maybe he can finally start his own Dr. Moreau lab, although we understand an island is the preferred venue.
The article suggests that Musk’s businesses are connected to his “existential anxieties” as well:
He was an early investor in his electric car company, Tesla, out of concerns about reliance on fossil fuels. He founded his rocket company, SpaceX, now a significant government contractor, so that he could colonize Mars for humans in case Earth becomes uninhabitable.
Over the last two years, he has become increasingly fixated on what he sees as another threat: declining birthrates. He believes a global population collapse is coming that will wipe out humanity. […]
“It should be considered a national emergency to have kids,” Mr. Musk posted in June.
Couldn’t he just collect coins instead?
We learn far too much about the history of Musk and the three women with whom he has combined genetic material; only one, Shivon Zilis, who’s an executive at Musk’s brain-messing enterprise, has actually moved to one of the homes in the developing compound so far. He apparently hopes his first wife, Justine Musk, will move in, and maybe four of the five children he beta-tested with her using IVF will come visit too, though probably not his hella cool daughter Vivian, whom Elon considers dead to him, “killed by the woke mind virus,” because he’s a hateful creep and she is trans. No quarters either for Claire Boucher, aka Grimes, with whom he has three children, an ongoing custody battle, and a lot of No Comments.
It’s exhausting, really.
We also learn that Musk’s daddy, Errol Musk, is a freak about breeding and multiple women; the elder Musk “has seven children with three women,” and has
praised his son’s “good genes” and desire to have many children.
“You breed horses,” Errol Musk said in an interview in September. “People are the same. If you have a good father and a good mother, you’ll have exceptional children. If you have no children, I feel very sorry for you.”
Oh vomit. Is there some word for people who want to breed humans with good genes, like maybe GoodGenecists maybe? Also, Errol Musk “had two children with his own former stepdaughter,” so that’s perfectly not weird at all either. He said that he has traveled to Texas to visit Elon and the kids, adding, “I haven’t met one or two of them because they’re still secret,” and now we really are regretting that Dr. Moreau reference.
Elon is a big fan of IVF because he believes it to be “a more efficient way of having children because it allows parents to control parts of the process, according to a person who understands his thinking.”
OK, but let’s skip over the freaky eugenics stuff and the never stated but poorly-concealed desire for breeding more Aryans, and get to the really creepy stuff: Elon Musk wants to give people his sperms like some people leave business cards.
Mr. Musk, too, has offered to share his DNA. At a dinner party held at the home of a well-known Silicon Valley executive last year, Mr. Musk offered to provide his sperm to a married couple he had met socially only a handful of times, according to two people who were present for the interaction.
The couple had mentioned at the dinner that they were having trouble conceiving a child. Mr. Musk told them he was happy to assist, and boasted about his many children, according to the people present.
No, the Times doesn’t say whether they took him up on the offer to send them off with a small Tupperware container of Elonbatter, the way gracious Midwestern hosts insist you take home some hot dish.
Musk also reportedly offered to let Nicole Shanahan, RFK Jr.’s former running mate, have some of his sperms too, according to “two people familiar with his offer,” but she inexplicably turned him down.
In conclusion, we are now even more nauseated by Musk’s creepy suggestion to Taylor Swift — after she endorsed Kamala Harris and signed herself “Childless Cat Lady” — that he would “give you a child and guard your cats with my life.” The Times says that “People close to Mr. Musk believe he was only half joking,” and now we have to go barf, see you later.
[NYT (gift link)]
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It's hysterical that Musk positions himself as some sort of super-genius alpha-male, when in fact he is just a ill-developed weirdo that got lucky in the being-born-rich and having-some-fortunate-shit happen for him lottery. And all this posturing reeks of insecurity, so really I think deep down he KNOWS he ain't all that.
I keep thinking of jokes I could have added to the story, like "SpoogeX," or "Shootout at the XY Corral."