Epstein Jail Footage Was Modified Somehow And Now MAGA Wants Pam Bondi Fired
She'll be replaced with either Ken Paxton or a possessed Kewpie doll.
The past week started with the Justice Department releasing a two-page memo concluding that Jeffrey Epstein killed himself. The DOJ also released what was billed as 11 hours of footage from a hallway outside his jail cell of the night the disgraced sex pest died. Contra the wild conspiracy theories that have dogged the story ever since Epstein was found hanged six years ago, and much to the very loud chagrin of MAGA types deeply, deeply invested in the idea that Epstein was murdered, the footage showed no one entering his cell during those 11 hours: no rogue guards, no ninja assassins (but how kickass would it have been if there had been ninja assassins?), no Impossible Missions Force agents in Hillary Clinton masks, no Hillary Clinton, no Kitty Pryde walking through walls, no nothing.
The week ended with Wired reporting that metadata from the footage shows that it was modified at some point. Whoops. That’s sure to calm everyone down.
The idea that this footage might have been manipulated already reared its head in MAGA-land early in the week, when eagle-eyed viewers noticed that there appeared to be one minute missing from the video. Attorney General Pam Bondi explained that no, what happens is that the taping system resets every 12 hours and needs a minute to reboot, so any footage from inside the Metropolitan Correctional Center will have a missing minute.
Now here comes Wired to report that the video file the DOJ uploaded appears to have been spliced together from two different source clips, which would have involved editing software, saved a bunch of times, and then exported to DOJ’s website, where it was billed as the “raw” footage.
Sounds more like MAGA got raw-dogged, are we right, folks? We’ll show ourselves out.
A bit more from Wired making the obvious point that while there are likely reasonable explanations for the video having been messed with, that will not satisfy the conspiracy-obsessed:
The video may have simply been processed for public release using available software, with no modifications beyond stitching together two clips. But the absence of a clear explanation for the processing of the file using professional editing software complicates the Justice Department’s narrative.
Mostly the narrative is only complicated if you’re one of those true believers who is sure that shadowy Deep State Marxist pedophiles knocked off Epstein to prevent the world from finding out just how many Democrats he had supplied teenagers to for underage sexy times. But since that’s a majority of Donald Trump’s voters, you can see where this might cause problems for him.
The news capped off a week of Trump administration infighting and loud denunciations from famous MAGA figures over Bondi’s handling of the Epstein story going back to February, when she claimed the former financier’s “client list” was sitting on her desk waiting for her to review before releasing it. Then this week we found out that no such list ever existed. Quite the oopsie!
Various figures have spent a few days calling for Bondi to either resign or be fired. Most prominent among them is probably Laura Loomer, an idiot who once claimed that Twitter suspending her account was basically like the Nazis doing the Holocaust:
Scam Blondi! Please, leave the comedy to the professionals.
Loomer is a ridiculous figure. In a normal world she would be a friendless loner holed up in a Miami apartment, eating American cheese by the slice while cyberstalking her old high school crush. But in the funhouse mirror reality in which we all live, she has the President of the United States on speed-dial. And he listens to her.
The pressure has reportedly led to tension between Bondi and the FBI’s dynamic duo of Director Kash Patel and his Deputy Director, Dan “Meathead” Bongino. Everything came to a head on Wednesday, when Bongino and Bondi allegedly started yelling at each other during a meeting in the Oval Office.
A source told Axios that Bongino had thought releasing the video would “end the matter.” Ha ha, dumbass. As anyone with more than two brain cells to rub together could have told him, not confirming the conspiracy theories just means you are in on the conspiracy. There were probably innumerable MAGA folks this week tweeting at each other that Bongino’s been compromised or something.
The pressure got to be so bad that Bongino took Friday off from work, because he is a goddamn snowflake who needed a mental health day. Not very alpha of you, Meathead!
Bongino is also reportedly thinking about quitting his job, which he has been very publicly bitching about almost from the first minute he stepped into the Hoover building. See, it was a lot easier to be a loudmouthed podcaster who could spend three hours a day poisoning his listeners with bullshit and doing dumb stunts like putting lemons in a blender for some fucking reason. (The reason is that he has the sense of humor of a shoe.)
Then Bingo Bango took a job that required him to actually work for a living, and with people even more insane than him. Not only that, the people he spent years riling up by lying to them expected him to storm into the FBI and kick some ass. Instead he went into work, looked into the Epstein case, did the Emily Litella “Nevermind!” routine to his fans, who are very pissed.
Reaping, sowing, and so forth.
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Nearly everyone who watches the prison footage fails to notice the person in the gorilla suit walk by at the 23:59:58 mark.
Birb say Happy Malala Day.