Everyone Is Raining On RFK Jr.'s Hepatitis Baby Parade

Judge Brian Murphy put a hold on the new vaccine schedule of doom.

This past weekend, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. won a decisive victory in a wrestling match with a humanoid Twinkie, though it would have been more impressive had it not been an AI video he shared with pride on X the Everything App.

Unfortunately for him, however, everything since then has been something of a bust.

On Monday, US District Court Judge Brian Murphy of Boston gave Kennedy a smackdown of his own, ruling against his efforts to Make Children Die of Preventable Diseases Again. Murphy found in favor of a group of public health groups, led by the American Academy of Pediatrics, who argued that not only was it harmful, but it was also illegal for Kennedy to disband the entire Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices (ACIP) and replace them with anti-vaccine loons and to redo the childhood vaccine schedule without any supporting scientific evidence.

Murphy’s ruling puts a temporary hold on all decisions made by ACIP as well as on a meeting they planned to hold this week for the purpose of airing some of their favorite COVID vaccine conspiracy theories.

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Murphy ultimately found that the actions by Kennedy were direct violations of the Administrative Procedure Act and therefore illegal.

“[T]here is a method to how these decisions historically have been made — a method scientific in nature and codified into law through procedural requirements,” Murphy wrote in his 45-page decision. “Unfortunately, the Government has disregarded those methods and thereby undermined the integrity of its actions.”

“First, the Government bypassed ACIP to change the immunization schedules, which is both a technical, procedural failure itself and a strong indication of something more fundamentally problematic: an abandonment of the technical knowledge and expertise embodied by that committee. Second, the Government removed all duly appointed members of ACIP and summarily replaced them without undertaking any of the rigorous screening that had been the hallmark of ACIP member selection for decades. Again, this procedural failure highlights the very reasons why procedures exist and raises a substantial likelihood that the newly appointed ACIP fails to comport with governing law.”

The ruling means that the new vaccine schedule — the one that no longer recommends the RSV, hepatitis A, hepatitis B, rotavirus, meningitis, flu, and COVID vaccines for all newborn babies — will not go into effect, at least for a while. This is, of course, very exciting news for medical professionals everywhere, as well as babies who would like to keep their chances of losing a liver or a limb throughout their lives to a minimum.

The hepatitis vaccines have been a particular point of contention between people who think that immunization experts recommend them because they don’t understand that their precious babies are not slutty IV drug users and people who are not anywhere near that stupid. There are lots of ways that hepatitis can be contracted that have nothing to do with having sex or using IV drugs, and prior to the birth dose vaccine, approximately 18,000 children contracted hepatitis every year — 90 percent of whom would develop lifelong chronic infections that can cause cirrhosis and liver cancer later in life.

Unfortunately, however, despite the ruling, many doctors are saying that the damage caused by the brief change to the vaccine schedule and Secretary Brainworm’s anti-vaccine nonsense can’t be undone.

Naturally, the administration plans to contest the ruling, because for some reason they’re mad at not seeing enough meningitis cases around these days.

“HHS looks forward to this judge's decision being overturned just like his other attempts to keep the Trump administration from governing,” Health and Human Services spokesman Andrew Nixon wrote in a statement to NPR.

This is not the only setback Kennedy is looking at this week. Bernie Sanders, the ranking member of the Senate’s Health, Education, Labor and Pensions (HELP) Committee, wrote a letter to Bill Cassidy, the committee’s chair, asking him to hold a hearing on Kennedy’s “dangerous misinformation campaign” against vaccines.

“The reality is that since Secretary Kennedy has been in office, he has continued his longstanding crusade against vaccines and his advocacy of conspiracy theories that vaccines cause autism — all of which have been repeatedly rejected by scientists,” Sanders wrote in the letter to Cassidy, who is a Republican but also a medical doctor and known vaccine advocate who just may be a little testy about the way Kennedy so blatantly lied to him about this during his confirmation hearing in order to secure his vote.

During his confirmation hearing, Kennedy specifically promised Cassidy that he would not get rid of the CDC page explaining that vaccines do not cause autism. However, by November, the page had been updated to add that there’s no evidence to prove they don’t cause autism, either. Because you can’t prove a negative, so there.

Trump CDC: There's No Evidence That Vaccines *Don't* Cause Autism, Please Ignore All This Evidence!

Sanders took particular issue with some of the recent appointments Kennedy made to the Interagency Autism Coordinating Committee, on the grounds that they “have a history of doing the opposite by promoting and providing controversial, untested and dangerous treatments for autism and pushing discredited claims that vaccines cause autism.”

I think there’s a pretty good chance that Cassidy might go for it. He did not have much patience for “Dr.” Casey Means during her Senate hearing for Surgeon General and may be ready to right the wrong he did in voting Kennedy in.

Surgeon General Nominee Casey Means Nowhere Near As Good At Faking 'Moderate' As She Thinks She Is

And he may feel slightly empowered to do so given reports that the White House is attempting to tamp down Kennedy’s influence, for fear his anti-vaccine craziness could hurt them in the midterms.

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On top of all that, comedian Chelsea Handler has accused Kennedy of selling her a “toxic mansion” that didn’t even have a foundation. Handler bought the house five years ago and still has not moved in. “That’s how fuckeded up this house was,” she said.

“Now we have to remove his illegal bullshit from my property and I’m like, ‘how did they not find this upon the first inspection?”’ she said, referring to an illegal outdoor storage area that she had not been aware of prior to buying the house.

“When they opened up the house, they were like, ‘This house is the most toxic environment. You cannot live here for at least two years,’” Handler claimed. “I’m not exaggerating any of this. It was a disaster, and I didn’t know it going in because everything was under wraps.”

That’s embarrassing! Well, at least he’ll be able to soothe his ego by reminding himself how he totally DESTROYED a piece of anthropomorphic sponge cake in a wrestling ring that one time, in one of the cringiest AI videos ever produced. At least he will have that.