Fine, Alina Habba Didn't Want To Be Your US Attorney Anyway!
Habba dabba doo!
Alina Habba, the dipshit parking garage lawyer who first grabbed Donald Trump’s attention by being a hot woman walking around his club and whom he later appointed US Attorney for New Jersey — not to be confused with Lindsay Halligan, the dipshit insurance lawyer who first grabbed Donald Trump’s attention for being a hot woman walking around his club and whom he later appointed US Attorney for the Eastern District of Virginia — has resigned from that job after federal courts determined she was not legally eligible to hold it.
Habba herself made the announcement in a defiant, whiny, self-pitying post on X, using the exact same tone her kids probably use on her when she tells them they can’t have seconds on dessert.
Seriously, what is this crap, did your parents never teach you how to handle disappointment like a fucking adult:
For the past five years, I’ve fought for justice on behalf of the American people,
Ma’am, you were Donald Trump’s personal lawyer for four of those years, trying to get him out of the myriad legal messes in which juries kept finding him guilty or liable, depending on whether it was a civil or criminal trial. (Imagine having so many legal cases against you that you must make this distinction.) And you sucked at it, based on how many of those cases you lost, which was all of them. “Behalf of the American people,” our ass.
[W]e made New Jersey safer. Camden had its first murder-free summer in 50 years.
Camden disbanded its police department in 2013 because it was so thoroughly corrupt and mismanaged that the powers that be decided they needed to shut it down and start all over. The department was replaced by a county police force, and crime has been on a downward trajectory for a decade. Habba taking credit for this is like if your Wonkette took credit for the success of The Rachel Maddow Show because we (Gary) interviewed there once.
[J]udges in my state took advantage of a flawed blue slip tradition and became weapons for the politicized left. For months, these judges stopped conducting trials and entering sentences, leaving violent criminals on the streets.
Yes, Habba couldn’t get confirmed by the Senate because New Jersey’s two Democratic senators expressed their opposition to her nomination. Deer murderer / chairman of the Judiciary Committee Chuck Grassley honored the old Senate tradition that says home state senators get a say on these sorts of appointments. He also said that Habba never submitted any of the needed paperwork and vetting material to the committee. Hard to move forward without that, even if the state’s senators were on board.
Meanwhile, what Habba calls “judges stopped conducting trials” could be rephrased as “judges couldn’t move forward on various cases because they weren’t sure if indictments and other actions taken while Habba was in office would be null and void if other courts found that the head of the office was serving illegally.” Much wordier, though.
Then last week a three-judge panel on the Third Circuit Court of Appeals upheld a lower court ruling that she had been unlawfully appointed US Attorney. So Habba grudgingly gave in and “resigned” from the job that, technically speaking, the courts had already sort of fired her from. Instead, she will become a Special Advisor to Attorney General Pam Bondi. Advisor to what, DOJ’s parking garage contracts?
It seems to us what actually happened here, whining about blue slips notwithstanding, is that Habba and President Crime Boss didn’t see why they should bother with all the steps required to get her to confirmation. The problem for them is that there are not just traditions involved here; there are laws about how long an acting or interim USA can serve. And at least some federal judges still believe laws should be observed.
Bondi says last week’s decision will be appealed, so Habba could return to run the office if the Supreme Court decides to throw out yet another 100-year-old precedent for no reason other than “‘cause we wanna.” So good news, Habba doesn’t have to take all the pictures of herself she allegedly hung all around the US Attorney’s office with her. Why bother packing when Sam Alito and Neal Gorsuch will have her back in a few months.
Would you like to see video of Trump caught on a hot mike bitching about blue slips and how he can’t appoint anyone to anything because of shit like “laws”? Of course you would:
Meanwhile, Bondi and Deputy AG Todd Blanche — another one of Trump’s dipshit personal lawyers who got tossed a plum job at which he sucks — released a statement on Monday slamming judges in the Eastern District of Virginia for their treatment of Halligan. And by treatment, we mean asking why the hell she is still signing official court documents and being listed as an attorney of record when she was also found to be ineligible for her job because Trump also illegally appointed her.
At this point, it’s shorter to list all the people serving in Trump’s administration who were legally appointed.
[Daily Beast / X]
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She's from Jersey?! What exit?
Our Liz had a great headline: Habba Quits Job After Getting Fired in July.