For Sale: Biden Shoes, Never Worn
If there IS a bloodbath, at least he'll have good grippy shoes.
The Biden Shoe Crisis continues, with breathless reports over the weekend that Joe Biden has been seen wearing sneakers yet again. The sandal scandal broke Saturday, when the extremely serious “RNC Research” Twitter account ran a video snippet from “Inside Edition” revealing that Joe Biden was spotted wearing sneakers, and the cameraperson zoomed in on the sneakers, and one of the sneakers LOOKED at them. Here’s the vid of Joe Biden in comfortable shoes, which ran under the heading “Biden's handlers are forcing him to wear a new pair of "lifestyle sneakers" because he trips so much.” Please, try not to faint!
Fox News explained why Joe Biden’s Hoka sneakers, a model called the “Transport,” are of great national security concern:
Biden has had multiple public stumbles, falls and near misses as president, the most recent example coming while he climbed the stairs to board Air Force One last month. In that incident, the president was able to catch himself on the handrail before continuing his climb.
We hear Gerald Ford fell down once or twice too. And Barack Obama. And that Donald Trump had TP stuck to his shoe that one time, as documented here by Business Insider. (The red arrow is not a permanent feature of Air Force One.)
But yes, Biden is an old guy!!! He’s mentioned it a couple times, we hear. Also, this is at least the third time that “Joe Biden Sneakers” has been pushed by rightwing media as a grave concern, after Fox News first got the scoop in July last year, and then Axios dug up new details in bullet-point format in September.
Anyway, here are the troubling details on what Fox calls Biden’s “Mysterious new shoes.” It reads like they’re passing on details from a top secret report on a Chinese spy plane, and come to think of it, where are these shoes made anyway? (Oh! China and Vietnam! See????)
The "Inside Edition" report notes that the shoes are "designed for maximum comfort and support while walking or hiking." […]
"The shoe bears the seal of approval from the American Podiatric Association for being beneficial to foot health," the report said, noting Biden's physical last month revealed that the president suffers from sensory peripheral neuropathy in his feet.
"Peripheral neuropathy refers to damage to nerves," said Dr. Gabrelle Laurenti, a podiatrist interviewed for the report. "Whether it's from trauma or a disease, there's some kind of damage to nerves."
Also worth noting: Joe Biden’s feet have never once predicted that if he’s not reelected, there would be a “bloodbath” (but only in car dealerships, haha).
Also too, Fox News discovered that the White House is clearly covering up the fact that Joe Biden’s feet are clearly incapable of governing. Asked for comment on the constitutional crisis of the President’s Sneakers, Deputy Press Secretary Andrew Bates tried to laugh off Biden’s senile arches:
"I know y’all don’t care for presidents who exercise. But don’t worry – you’ll get used to it," Bates told Fox News Digital.
In a related story, Joe Biden’s sneakers have also not hired convicted national security risk Paul Manafort to work on his reelection campaign.
Expect more news on Biden’s shoes to come out whenever Trump starts talking about civil war and riots in the streets. These truly are times that try men’s soles.
PREVIOUSLY!
[Fox News / Yahoo News]
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Instead of raising any sort of concern about Biden, this whole stupid Fox story just reminds me of all of those pictures of the vain tangerine with his girth weirdly pitched forward because he's wearing those dumb-looking lifts, fooling NOBODY. Plus, Joe's robotic boots are kind of awesome and I hope they come with rocket boosters.
Bidenstocks