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Former Playboy Playmate George Santos Threatens Colleagues Who Want To Expel Him
Let them fight dot gif.
New York’s Rep. George Santos, Congress’s only bullfighting organic chemist, just keeps adding to his resume. Not only was he crowned “Sexiest Rabbi in Queens” on Tuesday, but he also netted himself an additional 10 charges in the Eastern District of New York. That brings his tally to 23, or 69 if you run the indictment through three times under your relatives’ names. And you know he will!
Oddly enough, the rest of the US House of Representatives’ New York delegation seems unimpressed with Santos’s legal victories. In fact, they’d like him to leave now, please.
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“Today, I’ll be introducing an expulsion resolution to rid the People’s House of fraudster, George Santos,” tweeted Island Park Republican Rep. Anthony D’Esposito, promising that it would be co-sponsored by his fellow New York Republicans Mike Lawler, Nick LaLota, Marc Molinaro, Nick Langworthy, and Brandon Williams.
In the event, no resolution appears to have been introduced. But perhaps Rep. D’Esposito can be forgiven for the oversight, since his caucus is a bit busy right now dissolving itself in a pool of toxic acid. After removing Rep. Kevin McCarthy as speaker last week, House Republicans voted yesterday on his successor. House Whip Steve Scalise narrowly beat out walking outrage meme Jim Jordan.
Jordan threw his support behind Scalise, but with at least 20 members in the “never Steve” camp, it looks to be an ugly fight that makes McCarthy’s shambolic quest for the job look positively statesmanlike.
What could make this dumpster fire shitshow even better?
That’s right, it’s everyone’s favorite ‘80s sex symbol and former Mr. Loni Anderson George Santos. He will not be ignored, Steve! If you won’t call him, he’ll just have to lie down in the bathtub with this carving knife like his second wife Glenn Close.
Nobody puts George Anthony Devolder Anderson Close Santos King Jr. in the corner!
As we all learned from the GOP’s recent lesson in boy math, Scalise can only lose four votes and still take that gavel. The last thing he needs is histrionics from Rep. Chaos Monkey.
But the former Olympic gymnast knows you gotta stick the landing, so he made sure to let his fellow New Yorkers know that he was keeping a little powder dry for them, too.
Nice congressional majority, you got there. Be a shame if something were to happen to it.
George Santos may have humble roots as a NASCAR mechanic, but he knows a little thing about due process, mister! And if you cut him loose, he and Jesus will smite you with Thor’s hammer.
Unless he’s got a lot of time on his hands in the federal penitentiary, in which case he’ll probably be harmless. But don’t count out Santos yet. This guy cured Ebola and invented Feng Shui — he’s not afraid of a handful of dorks from upstate. Plus, the GOP barely has a majority, so … they’ll probably keep him around.
Catch Liz Dye on Opening Arguments podcast.
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