GET YOURSELF A PIECE OF #DJT STOCK TO OWN THE LIBS IF YOUR A TRUE MAGA SUPPORTER
This post is not financial advice.
The big, glorious day has arrived, where you can call your financial adviser and say, “Hey, Chase or Hunter or whatever! Please short as much Truth Social stock as you possibly can with my money.” Or we guess you could say something different. (Neither of the preceding sentences should be construed as financial advice. Shorting stocks is something you should only do with a perfessional, like Chase or Hunter or whatever.)
(Okay, but you know what it means to short stocks, right? Remember The Big Short? Those smart guys in 2007-2008 were like “Oh hum, looks like the entire housing market is built on a pile of lies and delusions. Let’s get these idiot banks to create us financial instruments where we can bet against the entire housing market — that would be The Big Short — and then when the house of bags of dicks falls down, we will run away with the riches of everyone’s misery!” In other words, you’re betting against the stock.)
Truth Social started trading today on the NASDAQ, but not the New York Stock Exchange. Donald Trump explained that the big burly men from the NYSE had tears in their eyes and they were begging him “Sir! Sir!” to please put Truth Social on the NYSE, but nobody wants to be on the NYSE anymore because of the fraud ruling against him.
Not kidding:
“I’d love to go on the New York Stock Exchange, it was always, you know, it’d be a big thing to go on the New York Stock Exchange, that’d be nice! But people aren’t going on the New York Stock Exchange now because of what’s happening in New York. Because they don’t want to be attacked by a thug like this horrible attorney general we have in New York, the worst in the whole country!”
Bless his heart, he thinks he matters to real businesspeople.
The stock started trading this morning around $50, and it’s kind of bounced around since, but mostly gained value. As of THEE SECOND we are writing this, it’s at $73.43. Sell sell sell! (That’s not financial advice.)
A bit more from the AP:
Trump Media & Technology Group Corp. merged Monday with a blank-check company called Digital World Acquisition Corp. Trump Media, which runs the social media platform Truth Social, has now taken Digital World’s place on the Nasdaq stock exchange.
Before trading began, Trump Media had a market value of about $6.8 billion, a figure that will rise significantly if the gains in the shares hold. The shares are trading under the ticker symbol “DJT.” Trump holds a nearly 60% ownership stake in the company.
The AP notes that “Many of Trump Media’s investors are small-time investors either trying to support Trump or aiming to cash in on the mania, instead of big institutional and professional investors.” We’re sure that’s a good sign. Wherever MAGA Maureen in South Pube Dumpster, Alabama, is putting her retirement money gonna be a sure bet, we reckon.
On Truth Social Tuesday, #DJT and the ticker of Digital World were two of the top trending topics in posts. Truth Social users were posting about being shareholders or seeking tips on how to buy shares.
One user urged conservatives to “get behind the DJT stock and sent it over $100 per share” to “drive the liberals insane!” Another declared: “Get yourself a piece of #DJT stock if your a true MAGA supporter.”
Look, we are just saying that if somebody were to short this stock, we don’t think anybody would be like “Oh no, what have you done?!” (That’s not financial advice.)
In case readers have forgotten, the CEO of Trump Media is Devin Nunes, the former Republican congressman and chair of the House Intelligence Committee about whom it’s been lightly suggested that he’s the goddamn stupidest person ever born. ("No one is asking him to bring the potato salad to the Mensa picnic,” said a knowledgeable source one time to the New York Times.)
The AP also notes:
Trump Media lost $49 million in the first nine months of last year, when it brought in just $3.4 million in revenue and had to pay $37.7 million in interest expenses.
Sounds promising! Five million people use Truth Social, compared to TikTok’s two billion and Facebook’s three billion. But it’s fine.
This is going to be a huge success, like Trump Steaks and Trump Casinos and Trump University and Trump Trading Cards and Trump TruckNutz and Trump Gold Plated Dildos and whatever else he’s ever been great at. Trump 2020 Election! Man, if they traded that one on the NASDAQ we’d be rich right now! (Because we would have shorted that one too.)
(Not financial advice.)
We guess it’s possible something bad could happen to the stock price, if the company continues to fucking suck and/or they keep Devin and/or Trump goes to prison and/or Trump loses all his money and/or Trump gets bored and/or Trump fails to look after the fiduciary interests of his investors and/or something else comically terrible we haven’t thought of yet.
Or maybe Stuart Varney on Fox Business — the channel where they speak of business! — was correct today when he predicted that Truth Social will be AWESOME if Trump is elected in November but very, very bad if Joe Biden is re-elected.
Whatever, we’re sure it’s fine.
Besides, how could you go wrong with a company that sells killer merch like this?
Happy trading, kids!
OPEN THREAD.
[AP]
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
If you're shopping on Amazon anyway, this portal gives us a small commission.
So… open thread question:
Do you think a new subscriber with the handle fuckyoucommies@patriotamerica.com is looking to be a constructive contributing member at the Glambassy site? 😆
Or, or..l’m just throwing it out there… you could get a copy of the Wonkette Kitty illuminated Bible for only $49.99, because kitty!
You have to give me a few weeks to insert Wonkitty into various Bible scenes. I can tell ya, though, Holofernes and a Bible scene with saving the twee-est animals will be in there. The rest TBD.