Glenn. Tabs, Fri., April 5, 2024

Glenn.

Are you fucking kidding me right now. GLENNNNNN.

It is 3:30 and I have been drinking tequila a couple of hours, and former assistant editrix assistant to the editrix Glenn (big brother of assistant to the editrix Felicia, who sends you your thank notes and also your Wonkette Bazaars, and oh I don’t even know what else she does, I am tequila) has been murdered.

Felicia called about an hour after I took a paragraph out of Marcie’s story about Ruby Garcia in Grand Rapids, she had some thing in there about Detroit’s murder rate, and I said in the chatcave, DETROIT DOES NOT HAVE THE HIGHEST MURDER RATE, THAT IS BALTIMORE, BALTIMORE, because Marcie is from Baltimore, and don’t cast stones, BATLTIMRE, and oh my baby Jesus.

GLENNNNNNNN.

Glenn was hilarious, I can’t tell you any stories, his family might be watching. Also he dated our nephew and took our cat. Also also just sweet and fun. So fun, which is why Felicia came to work with me instead, Glenn was always calling in fun. Are you fucking, what? GLENN.

I guess there is some news to give you, I don’t know what that might be. Let’s try anyway, it’s gonna suck.

Old Joe is PISSED. (CNN)

No Labels isn’t going to run a candidate, guess Joe Lieberman did a good. (BY DYING. COME AT ME, BRO.) (Joe. My. God.) Also, that time he helped make George W. Bush president when he and Al Gore were running against him. (The American Prospect)

Gabriel Sherman says the Trump 2024 campaign team is “terrifyingly competent,” so I’m not reading that. (Vanity Fair)

I recommend clicking this link to see the headline and picture at the top and then CLOSING THE GODDAMN TAB DO NOT READ YOU DO NOT NEED TO READ. (BBC)

Our Liz on the Missouri AG going after Media Matters that I flagged last week. You’ll want to read it. (Law and Chaos)

So my accountant says we have to get a retirement account (why, when we are only 51?), and so I am clicking on all the ESG funds because I like the environment and social … governments? Anyway, they’re all listed as “ESG” because they’re mostly invested in Tesla stocks, and I think I will keep looking! Just even from a not wanting to lose all my money perspective! ANYWAY, Tesla is collapsing and Elon Musk blames everyone but himself. (Daily Kos)

I feel like this cop should not have planted evidence on this Black guy, and not just because she did it on cop-cam. (Our Tallahassee)

Enid, Oklahoma, recalls a Nazi from the City Council by a 20 point margin. Get the fuck out! (MSNBC)

This is a really really good article, which you should read, about this asshole venture capital thingie that is … I already forget, tequila, but it has to do with vampire-squidding all the franchises and stealing worker pay because that is in the dek. And my favorite part is that they named themselves Roark Capital after The Fountainhead, but it’s not political. It’s so good, please read. (More Perfect Union)

Stop stealing fast food workers’ paychecks and also stop bitching that they’re finally getting paid something almost close to beginning to think about resembling a living wage for a single adult with no kids. (Helaine Olen at MSNBC)

We are partnered with Martie, for two good purposes: keeping overstock out of landfills, and also saving hella money. This is an ad-like object, we get a commission, and I really think you’ll like it. (This link has been fixed!)

“Crying Myself to Sleep on the Icon of the Seas.” That sounds funny and nice maybe I will read it after more tequila, and then sleep. (Gary Shteyngart at The Atlantic)

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Going to go lie down forever (not forever, I promise), bye.