Greg Bovino Planning Presidential Run Because Sure, Why Not, America Might As Well Go Out Laughing
The GOP primary is going to be lit, with everyone competing to be the biggest Nazi.
Pint-sized douche canoe Greg Bovino had a busy week. He spent last weekend hanging out with actual neo-Nazis and white supremacists at an anti-immigration conference in Portugal, where he rubbed elbows with luminaries of the world’s most racist movements. Then he told the Daily Beast he is “gearing up” to run for president in two years, presumably on the bet that the Republican Party will be so far gone by then that JD Vance and Marco Rubio will be seen by primary voters as unacceptable leftist squishes.
Relatedly, we are coming up on the anniversary of Donald Trump’s ride down the golden escalator. Eleven years later, we’re looking at a 2028 GOP primary that will make 2016 look like an episode of Schoolhouse Rock!
Bovino’s hints at a 2028 run for president motivated some of his far-right fans to build a “Bovino for 2028” website to kickstart Pipsqueak Himmler’s campaign. Here is a pop quiz for all of you: Which of the following galaxy-brain statements from the website’s section titled “Why We Need a Bovino Presidency” did we make up? (All punctuation errors theirs):
Immediate formation of the department of youth masculinity in order to save the young men of America from the impotent spell of a purely digital, basement based existence & into warriors the warriors for freedom & protectors of national sovereignty our nation cries out for.
The creation of a non-governmental, citizen led and funded, society for american intellectualism and cultural expansion, promoting free access to online and in-person socratic discussions, debate competitions, open debate on the vast and wide ranging negative physical, spiritual, an and emotional impacts of ai and digital existence, ted-x style symposiums promoting american, western, and Western aligned ideals.
Nationwide Educational Campaign via curated influencers aimed at restoring the fervent defense of the sanctity of life and gender identity, rooted in a true scientific basis to compete with the institutionalized progressive attacks on pregnant women and the young people of america under attacking by gender bending vultures on all ends.
Surprise! The correct answer is “None of them, Katie!” All these bullet points can be found verbatim on Bovino2028.com, along with all sorts of other weird-ass shit. There is a call to create a “Department of Families & Holistic Living,” and a section that we puzzled over in the chat cave before deciding it threatens anyone eligible to vote who chooses not to with either paying a fine or working it off at “a fixed rate of human capital that contributes to the betterment of american [sic] society.”
We already have millions of people who work for the betterment of American society. Sometimes they are public service employees at AmeriCorps or Teach for America, or any number of such government programs and NGOs dedicated to helping others. But they were mostly founded by liberals, so they probably turn you gay.
Basically, Bovino’s early 2028 platform is a grab bag of culture war stuff even further out there than the current administration, combined with vaguely Nazish imagery involving Bovino wearing his greatcoat from the Hugo Boss “Für den Ruhm des Führers” Collection:
Finally, a candidate who will fight for America’s most put-upon minority: Men.
The website is the brainchild of a couple of wingnut operatives with, let’s say, colorful resumes. One, George Riley, was somehow the executive director of the Florida Republican Party from 2016 to 2019. He was reappointed to the job in March of 2024. A month later, his family in Tampa reported him missing. The cops found him at the B Resort and Spa three days later, in good health. Also, drunk.
And that was his second hotel stay of the week:
Earlier in the week, Riley had been evicted from the Kissimmee Hampton Inn after a four-day stay for “excessive drinking” and damage to the room. Riley didn’t object when told he would be charged extra because the room needed a deep cleaning.
The room needed the deep cleaning because he had reportedly pissed and puked all over it. Just the sort of fan you want promoting your campaign for president! Assuming that’s president of Sigma Chi, we mean.
His partner in this endeavor is one Jacob Engels. And wouldn’t you know it, when we put his name into the Wonkette Wayback Machine, we found we had written about him before, in 2019, when he was — drumroll, please — a member of the Proud Boys who was helping to run Roger Stone’s social media accounts. Apparently either Engels or one of Stone’s other flunkies had posted an image to their master’s Instagram account showing Judge Amy Berman Jackson with a rifle crosshair on her face.
That was bad enough. What was worse was that Jackson was the presiding judge in Stone’s ongoing trial for obstruction of justice in the Russia investigation and related charges. Stone then had to spend an entire hearing apologizing to Jackson while arguing the symbol was a “Celtic cross.” The subtext here was: No harm, no foul, pull that stick out of your ass, Your Honor.
Stone was found guilty and subsequently pardoned by Donald Trump, of course.
Here is how Our Liz described Engels then:
The Daily Beast did a profile of Jacob Engels earlier this month, describing the 27-year-old as “Roger Stone’s Mini-Me.” (No word on whether he’s also a swinger who posts personal ads describing his wife’s genitalia to prospective partners.) He did, however, have lots to say about the Florida ballot recount. Flanked by Tyler White, founder of the Florida Proud Boys, Engels led protests outside the Broward County elections office during the 2018 vote tabulation, shouting for former elections supervisor Brenda Snipes to, “Come out, you old hag.” He seems nice.
Oh, and Engels was just arrested in Wisconsin two weeks ago for meth possession. We fully expect Bovino to name him as his campaign manager.
The third partner here is a woman named Yovana Alvarez, a Mexican immigrant who calls herself the Bovino Queen. She said of Bovino that “his level of ethics is unique, something I have never seen before.” As the Daily Beast points out, she said this about a guy who had to confess to lying to a judge after he and DHS couldn’t prove his allegation that a protester in Minneapolis hit him in the head with a rock before he threw a tear gas canister into a crowd in retaliation.
Perhaps she thinks ethics is a synonym for evil or brain damage or haircut that makes him look like a lesbian softball coach. Hard to say.
Good luck, America. As the Bovino for 2028 website tells us, only one candidate has the “metal and character” to rise to the challenge of deporting the 100 million Americans who, in Bovino’s wretched mind, are here illegally. On that, we probably agree with his supporters.
[Daily Beast / Bovino for President]
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Let's just fast forward to where he shoots himself in his bunker.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA dream on, Bovino, you goose-stepping Nazi clown.