Happy International Sloth Day!

Sloths like the animals, not sloth like the deadly sin.

The lovely Luna, who is a cat, not a sloth! Courtesy of our pal Rennie!

Happy weekend!

Today, as you can clearly see above, is International Sloth Day — which is a very special day for me, on account of the fact that I was into sloths before sloths were cool, dating back to at least sixth grade. They are the best and I would like very much to hug one.

In keeping with the theme, it is only right that your first present today be Kristen Bell’s extremely relatable sloth joy meltdown.

Since it is that time of year, allow me to present to you … The Paul Lynde Halloween Special! Which is a thing that exists!

Also, the greatest Halloween video to ever happen, the KXVO pumpkin dance … set to Drake’s “Hotline Bling.” Because why not!

Aaaaaaaaand finally, an episode of a very bizarre Christian variety show called “Fire By Nite,” featuring none other than the Satan Seller himself, Mike Warnke! If you are not familiar with Warnke (who, by the way, is still around), he was a Christian comic in the 1980s whose big claim to fame was that before becoming a Christian, he was a Satanic high priest. Shockingly enough, this turned out to be bullshit.

It also briefly features Laurel Rose Willson (AKA Lauren Stratford) who not only claimed to be a victim of Satanic Ritual Abuse, but later changed her name to Lauren Grabowski and pretended to be a Holocaust survivor for a short time as well.

Warnke and Willson’s stories were actually debunked by the Christian magazine Cornerstone — which actually did some truly, truly excellent work back in the day with regards to the whole Satanic Panic thing. Work that, sadly, much of the secular media was not interested in bothering with at the time.

Have you been struck with a sudden urge to shower us with money and jewels? If so, we are on Substack now so you can just go ahead and click subscribe! Click click click!!

 Or if you’d just like to donate just once …

You can also join our Patreon, or buy our merch, or do your Amazon shopping through our link. Or we’re now partnered with Martie, where you can buy snacks!

You can even send us paper checks to:

Wonkette
PO Box 38273
Detroit MI 48238

Talk amongst yourselves!