Hate The $90 Turkeys At The Joe Biden $90 Turkey Store
He sets the prices, we're just his victims.
Uh oh, holiday a-comin’, the blog posts, they are getting stupider.
Last night was one of those perfect moments on Fox News, where the three interchangeable dipshits on the screen demonstrated in the most efficient manner possible just how much they despise your Nana and Pop Pop and all the other mouthbreathing white morons whose viewing eyes keep them employed. It’s a 14-second clip. They all nodded along and smiled with each other, Jason Chaffetz and Kayleigh McEnany and some other guy, as Chaffetz just lied to the viewers’ faces about something easily verifiable, about something those viewers could debunk themselves if their own viewers weren’t such halfwit cows.
For many of them, it would involve nothing more than going into the kitchen and looking at the most recent receipt from the grocery store. They might have to dig it out of the trash.
And sure, it’s mean of us to call Fox News viewers halfwit cows, but we’re not lying to them. Jason Chaffetz, Kayleigh McEnany and some other guy are lying to them. About the price of Joe Biden’s turkey.
“We went to go buy a turkey today, it was $90 for a turkey! Uh, the price of stamps is up 32 percent in the last four years! But it’s all a choice by Joe Biden, that’s what Bidenomics is.”
McEnany sat there smirking and shaking her head back and forth, appalled by the indignity of the luxury Joe Biden turkey prices in the imaginary story Jason Chaffetz was telling. The other extraneous white guy just sat there smirking like he was in on the lie, but couldn’t quite hide it as well as McEnany and Chaffetz, who are much more seasoned professional liars.
And the viewers at home, well, yes, again, they are pigturd dogbrained stupid. Many of them literally just bought a Butterball for, at the top end, 30 bucks, but yet they likely panted along with the TV and got angry at Joe Biden for making their turkeys 90 dollars. That evil tyrant must have raised the prices just after they bought theirs! Boy, were they lucky.
As we see it, there are two options here:
Jason Chaffetz is just a pigfuck liar. Don’t overthink it.
Jason Chaffetz bought his turkey from some kind of luxury boutique turkey delivery service — which is fine, those are nice services! — where they come pre-smoked or something, and that dildo-brained bastard thinks the bougie turkey-on-demand service he uses is how average Americans do it. Maybe it’s some kind of local restaurant that does it and they do the turkey and prepare some sides and box it up all nice. This dipshit thinks it’s inflation. Also in this scenario Chaffetz is still just a shameless pigfuck liar.
Ready for your shocker?
The price of turkeys is down this year. It’s down 5.6 percent, according to the Farm Bureau. Know what seems pretty much under control right now? Inflation.
If your Nana starts spouting this bullshit at the Thanksgiving table, tell her these facts and then look her in the eye and gently explain to her that her favorite Fox News personalities — the ones she wishes were her own children — literally hate her.
Happy Thanksgiving, Nana!
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Goebbels Goebbels
Evidence indicates Jason bought his turkey at an airport, after knocking back three shots of airport bourbon. That stuff'll add up.