Haul Out The Holly! Tabs, Mon. December 2, 2024

Get in, losers, it's Lacey Chabert season.

Here are some baby goats I hung out with last week! Jealous?

Hello and welcome back to your regularly scheduled Wonkette programming, which I must sadly report will not involve Rebecca paying me my normal salary to spend 3 weeks doing a single story on one random small town with a winter and/or Christmas-themed name and an entirely Christmas-based economy only to spend practically the whole time bickering with a freakishly handsome Christmas tree farm owner (and secret prince, probably), right up until Christmas Eve, when we realize we are madly in love and also save the whole town from an evil real estate developer.

So what’s been happening outside of me watching a whole lot of truly awful Hallmark movies that all have the exact same plot (most of which starred Lacey Chabert, natch) and palling around with some adorable baby Nigerian dwarf goats? So many things!

Like Pete Hegseth’s mom being very sorry about having written him an email chastising him for being terrible to women, his ex-wives in particular! Especially the one he divorced after impregnating his coworker. She says she was simply lying and being a silly emotional woman when she said that she had “no respect for any man that belittles, lies, cheats, sleeps around, and uses women for his own power and ego,” when in fact these are some of her favorite things about her darling son. (NY Times)

Or some White Christian Nationalist podcasters announcing their plans to take over Gainesville, Tennessee, and the confused local Republicans who seem to have no idea that this is exactly what they voted for in the last election.

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Trump and friends are reportedly having a good laugh at Joe Biden’s attempts to normalize the transition, because — once again, for the people in the back — trying to appease these people will never, ever result in any thank you notes. (Rolling Stone)

The Economist published an “anonymous” article very obviously written by someone stanning for Elon Musk’s nonsense Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE, ugh) all about how America’s veterans are big ol’ lazy moochers who need to be kicked off the dole, because of all of the “absurd benefits” they are getting just for, you know, having the American government use their bodies to fight stupid ass wars we never should have fought in the first place. (The Economist)

Lauren Boebert had a Cameo and then didn’t! Probably because it’s illegal! (MSNBC)

Lacey Chabert in Mean Girls

A Georgia town voted for Trump without realizing that mass deportations would completely fuck them economically. Whoops! (Wall Street Journal)

Joe Rogan thinks that people only dislike Trump because they are “victims of a media psyop,” which is more or less the party line these days. (The Independent)

A sex-tape featuring Nick Fuentes and liberal video game streamer Destiny has supposedly been going around the internet but I will not be looking for it, because of how I don’t hate myself. (Reddit)

Another woman has died from a miscarriage in Texas, thanks to their terrible anti-abortion laws. (Pro-Publica)

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In a landmark victory against illegal animal trafficking, thousands of animals will be sent home to Madagascar from Thailand. (CNN)

Biden officially signed a pardon for his son Hunter, which will hopefully make a whole lot of terrible people very upset (can also recommend some other folks who could use a pardon as well, if he is interested). (White House)

Like, I don’t know — Leonard Freaking Peltier? (Amnesty International)

It would also be super great if he just clicked his heels and put the ERA into the constitution, which he’s actually had the authority to do ALL ALONG, because the required number of states have ratified it. (ERA Coalition)

Lacey Chabert cheersing a handsome fella in ‘Haul Out The Holly’