359 Comments

I heard Mitch McConnell-- he may seem like an old curmudgeon but he really means well-- just might agree to give Wonkette an exclusive short interview, IF YOU JUST ASKED. You see, Mitch has heard about Wonkette and been intrigued by its saucy reputation and by your flattering interest in himself over the years. So if you'd just call him and leave word with his office that you're from Wonkette, and you're interested in getting a fuller picture of the Republican side of things. . . maybe his actions wouldn't seem so pointlessly destructive and "criminally damaging to all of us." Some of your comments do hurt his feelings just that little bit... I would just caution you-- since his marriage, he is a multi multi-millionaire. So, none of that socialist ragging on Mr. McConnell! Now, besides politics, he loves to be asked about his wardrobe! And of course, about the Frank Zappa song "Man with Woman Head," which he inspired, all those years ago.

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Can no one find his court martial paperwork?

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Because yes, the First Amendment was specifically written to protect big business and the holy bottom line, sure.

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Oh, mon dieu - you found the true kinky tortoise Pr0n. I have never asked my tortoise-owning friends about it, and now I never shall. (He's British, so, you know.)

Makes this one look like a soft-core romantic chick flick.

https://www.youtube.com/wat...

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Did he really get turned on by a slug? Aaargh.

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I have eaten cooked snails, which are almost the same creature as slugs but with a shell, and they are delicious, which was a huge surprise. Yet slugs seem repulsive and I would recoil from eating them, so there is obviously no logic to gastronomy.

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Slug slime is much stickier than snail slime. (I used to collect my garden snails for friends, and noticed the difference). It has been used here in France as a folk remedy for whooping cough, and maybe TB, some of my friends tell me. Bleurk.

However, here the question is not gastronomy but erm sexuality, and I'm not sure why the tortoise found it exciting - maybe the sliminess reminded him of something.

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Ewww. I have often wondered how snails are prepared for cooking, but then I think that perhaps I am better off not knowing.

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Exactly! Ass did say the proposed boycotts were protected free speech, but he then claimed it was a bigger violation of free speech to *promote* a boycott. Because the boycotters would be organizing to *harm* the broadcasters.He never did point out where in the Bill of Rights it says "Congress shall ensure that speakers shell be paid whether their speech is unacceptable to the general populace or not." Or similar.

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The most important thing is to feed them something that is not toxic to humans in case they've been nibbling your clematis or buttercups in the garden. In the days it took to collect a few hundred, I used to put in vegetable peelings, lettuce trimmings, and various herbs like thyme or tarragon. I left it to my friends to do the rest, as I do not like eating shellcritters. Here's an article that explains it. http://articles.latimes.com...

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Yay fellow Lawn Guylander!!

Didn't they have hourly rates posted out front?

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Daloks, davros,same thing.

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If you cant make a Fifth Element reference, you just arent trying hard enough :)

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I think it has something to do with Trump's ex-wife Marla. But these puns should be eliminated root and branch.

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Is that what they call ebonyonics?

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