Here Goes JFK Jr. Faking His Death Again

The guy a bunch of weirdos thought was JFK Jr. is dead. (OR IS HE?)

On Thursday, VICE broke the news that Michael Brian Protzman, also known as Negative 48, the man that many unwell people either believe was actually JFK Jr. or someone who had special intel on Not Dead JFK Jr.'s whereabouts (which may have been inside a Donald Trump skin suit), died last Friday from injuries sustained in a dirt bike accident. Protzman was the man behind the Negative 48 cult that gathered for months on Dealey Plaza waiting for JFK Jr. and his father to show up — which would have been quite impressive even if he hadn't really been assassinated in 1963, as he would have been about 105 at the time.

Now, while the Q community (they get very upset now if you call them QAnon people, which they believe is a fake thing invented by the media to make them look bad) may profess "Where We Go One We Go All," but they have been quite split on Protzman, even in his death. Over on the Q-centered board the Great Awakening, the general consensus is that he was a fed sent to discredit their movement, as if "JFK Jr. is alive and is this random guy and/or wearing Donald Trump's skin suit" is any weirder than half of the other things they believe.

"So, a federal agent poses as a cult leader to draw peoples' [sic] attention away from Q and toward the fictitious QANON," a user going by the name Hundro explained. "Once the op has run its course and run out of steam, the cult leader is pretend-killed in order to bring closure and free up the federal agent to move on with his life with a new name, address and haircut."

Yes, that seems very plausible. Surely if it weren't for this one guy, everyone would definitely believe that all of the celebrities were eating children to get high, but were also all executed at GITMO several years ago and replaced with fully grown clones of themselves. Except for Hillary Clinton, who of course died of kuru as a result of eating way too many children.

Protzman was one of the original promoters of using gematria ("the practice of assigning a numerical value to a name, word or phrase by reading it as a number") to come up with increasingly ridiculous conspiracies based on what words, names and phrases had the same value, however he obviously gained more fame as the leader of the weird JFK Jr. cult that stood around Dallas for months waiting for dead people to show up.

VICE spoke to one of his earliest followers, who helpfully explained that only one Michael Protzman died, the evil one, but the good one (who is JFK Jr. in a mask) is still around.

Shelly Mullinax, who was one of Protzman’s earliest followers but had a falling out with him and other members of the group last year, remains convinced of the conspiracies Protzman concocted about JFK. She believes his death is all part of the plan.

“If that was the plan that God had for him, I know that everything is going to be revealed soon,” Mullinax told VICE News on Wednesday.

Mullinax said that in recent days someone in her group had claimed Protzman “was taken out” but she dismissed that.

She did however claim that the person who died was in fact just one version of Michael Protzman, “the evil version” and that the good Michael Protzman—who is in fact JFK Jr. in a mask—is still alive and well.

It is, however, difficult to trust what she says, as according to another weirdo, she once pointed a missile at the queen (unclear if this was Queen Elizabeth or Romana, Queen of Canada ). It's also unclear why he would have to wear a mask when he just looks so much like John F. Kennedy Jr., who definitely would have dressed like that, in public.

Of course, this would track with the suggestion by some lady named Esther, who believes that JFK Jr. was called "John John" because there were two of him and Protzman could have been the second one. Whynot a third? It would just make sense.

It's unlikely that the Q community's obsession will die with Protzman, largely because a lot of baby boomers who subscribe to those beliefs have a tough time reconciling their great love of JFK with their hatred of the Democratic Party and are thus absolutely desperate for confirmation that if he or JFK Jr. were alive now, they would agree with them. Especially about all the baby eating, which they know for sure JFK Jr. was against.

For anyone looking for a solid grift, the time is now yours to claim that you are actually Michael Protzman wearing a skin suit of yourself.

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