How Hard Is Trump Getting Punched In The Wallet Right Now? Let's Tally It Up!

Hard. The answer is hard.

If you’ve been wondering whether all these judgments against Donald Trump are really going to ruin his life, the Bloombergs say that’s a solid maybe.

The $83.3 million in the latest E. Jean Carroll defamation case is amazing, almost as amazing as watching historically bad lawyer and enthusiastic dipshit Alina Habba melt down after the jury’s decision came down. (If you missed that, please fix yourself a refreshment and watch it.)

But wait, isn’t Trump also about to get super fucked in the New York fraud case against his businesses? Isn’t that trial another foregone conclusion, we’re just waiting to see how big the number is?

Yep.

The toplines from Bloomberg say the verdicts from these two cases could literally knock off 15 percent of Trump’s net worth, and that’s before you start adding up how much money he has to pay Habba for all that clever legal maneuvering and apparent confusion about how to get a document into evidence. Bloomberg says the two verdicts could roughly equal most or all of the cash Trump has. (They have a really fun diagram of Trump’s assets and their current estimated value, if you’re a visual learner. They estimate his total current net worth at $3.1 billion. Of course Bloomberg is RIGGED and STOLLEN because their valuation of Mar-a-Lago is only $240 million, which is a lot less than the billion and a half Trump insists it’s worth.)

The obvious question: what’s the magic number that would require Junior and Eric to get jobs or sell their favorite stuffed animals out of the back of a station wagon?

On top of [the $83.3 million he gets to pay E. Jean Carroll], a verdict is expected this week in New York’s civil fraud trial, which seeks the return of $370 million in “illegal profits” Trump allegedly made by lying to banks about his wealth to get better terms on loans.

In a deposition last year, Trump described his stockpile of cash as being “substantially in excess” of $400 million. The Bloomberg Billionaires Index placed his liquid assets at about $600 million, though Trump’s exact financial status remains famously opaque.

That’s right, the New York verdict is likely coming this week. That really sets up the rest of what will hopefully be Trump’s worst year on record.

Of course there are also those 91 felony charges to think about. Those cases should continue to go well for him, considering the quality of lawyering he attracts. Bloomberg notes that Trump is allowed to use campaign money to pay certain legal bills — that’s why your racist MAGA Nana probably gets regular emails begging her to send Trump her fixed income checks to fight against election interference — but he can’t use his campaign coffers to pay damages.

And as for those damages, he could either put those millions in escrow with the court while appeals plays out, or he could try to get a bond, so he doesn’t have to cough up all the money right now.

Of course, some entity would have to be willing to give him that bond.

We’ll let Maggie Haberman and her friends at the New York Times explain that one:

And if he does secure the bond, it probably will not be cheap. The value of the bond is likely to be 110 percent of the verdict, so in the case involving Ms. Carroll, about $92 million, legal experts said. Mr. Trump will also have to pay the bonding company a substantial premium and offer it a significant amount of collateral, more even than what he owes. He will also owe interest to Ms. Carroll and the State of New York.

Legal experts said that Mr. Trump might not be able to pledge his properties as collateral. Instead, the experts said, the bonding company might demand that he pledge liquid assets, such as certificates of deposit or Treasury bonds.

Yikes, so much badness! Couldn’t be happening to a more deserving guy.

Maybe he’ll have to sell some buildings or golf courses. Or hit up the Russians. Or the Saudis.

Or something.

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Trump took to Truth Social yesterday to bitch about, um, well, everything. It’s virtually identical to all his other ALL CAPS bitching, because his brain gets stuck in loops.

I have been unfairly sued by the Trump Hating Democrat Attorney General of New York State, Letitia James, over the false fact that I inflated my Financial Statements in order to borrow money from Banks, etc. The Judge in the case, Arthur F. Engoron, refused to allow this case to go to the “Commercial Division,” where it belongs, because he is a Trump Hater beyond even A.G. James, who campaigned against me spewing horrible inflammatory statements which are False & Defamatory. I am not even allowed a Jury! The facts of this case are simple. 1) I AM WORTH MUCH MORE THAN THE NUMBERS SHOWN ON MY FINANCIAL STATEMENTS. 2) I DIDN’T EVEN INCLUDE MY MOST VALUABLE ASSET, MY BRAND/GOODWILL. 3) THE BANKS WERE PAID BACK IN FULL, OFTEN EARLY, THERE WERE NO DEFAULTS, THE BANKS MADE MONEY, WERE REPRESENTED BY THE BEST LAW FIRMS, & WERE VERY “HAPPY.” THERE WERE NO VICTIMS! 4) ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE FINANCIAL STATEMENTS THERE IS A STRONG “DISCLAIMER CLAUSE” TELLING ALL NOT TO RELY ON THESE….(continued)

Page 2: FINANCIAL STATEMENTS. THE DISCLAIMER CLAUSE TELLS ANYONE REVIEWING THE DATA, INCLUDING FINANCIAL INSTITUTIONS, TO DO THEIR OWN RESEARCH AND ANALYSIS - IT IS A NON RELIANCE CLAUSE, AND COULD NOT BE MORE CLEAR. ADDITIONALLY TO MY BEING WORTH FAR MORE THAN IS SHOWN IN THE “FULLY DISCLAIMED” FINANCIAL STATEMENTS, AGAIN NOT PUTTING DOWN A VALUE FOR MY BIGGEST ASSET, BRAND/GOODWILL, THE COMPANY HAS HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN CASH, AND VERY LITTLE DEBT. It is a great company that has been slandered and maligned by this politically motivated Witch Hunt. It is very unfair, and I call for help from the highest Courts in New York State, or the Federal System, to intercede. THIS IS NOT AMERICA!

Demanding we all believe he’s far richer than even he says? Check.

Insisting that his “brand” is actually worth untold gabillions of dollars, when most of us wouldn’t even see fit to piss on his “brand”? Check. (Bloomberg notes that Trump insisted in a deposition last year that “I think it’s the hottest brand in the world.” He thinks it’s worth $10 billion. Ayup.)

And of course, because Trump’s brain is healthy and not at all diseased, he felt the need to scream more more about Mar-a-Lago being worth a billion dollars:

Judge Engoron valued Mar-a-Lago in Palm Beach, Florida, at $18 Million when it was worth, according to the Top Brokers, 50 to 100 times that amount. He did this in order to justify the Attorney General’s Lawsuit against me in an attempt to lower my Values, likewise, other Properties. My Financial Statement is very conservative (the exact opposite of what the Attorney General said). Everyone paid, No Victims (except me!), only SUCCESS. This Case should have been dismissed long ago. It is a Political Persecution. The State should get No Damages whatsoever!

Cry it out, buddy. Cry it out.

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Trump Knows What Makes Whales Bipolar, It Is Windmills

Donald Trump Had A Good Day Yesterday And His Brain Is Just Fine

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[Bloomberg / New York Times]

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