How Imaginary Are The California ‘Non-Citizen Voters’? Pretty Imaginary!

Like it isn’t totally obvious to all of us here what these assholes are trying to do.

A California Republic, if you can keep it. Photo by Jimmy Hu on Unsplash

It’s a more stressful week than usual to be a Californian who cares about democracy!

The Trump administration has brought a bunch of trouble to the state over the last several days under the auspices of concern over “non-citizen voters,” who are allegedly voting, but illegally.

So now they’re trying to get a court to halt the California vote count.

The DOJ also filed an emergency request in federal court to stop California from processing ballots returned by people on the voter rolls whom the federal government says are “likely noncitizens.” The state has asked for specific information on how the federal government came to its conclusions, but has not received it.

It’s out of concern for democracy, you understand, just one of those sacrifices everybody has to make for the cause (eugenics)! But Democrats have filed a lawsuit of their own, saying — correctly — that this stinks to high heaven:

Top Democrats in Congress have joined a California immigrant and the Nevada State Democratic Party in suing the Trump administration over its unprecedented voter fraud probes in both states and broader efforts to meddle in state-run elections nationwide — alleging they are a “pretext to seize control over elections.”

The lawsuit, filed in federal court in Washington, D.C., late Tuesday, accuses President Trump, Homeland Security Secretary Markwayne Mullin, Atty. Gen. Todd Blanche and the agencies they lead of using “shoddily compiled lists of supposed noncitizens” and “coercive threats of legal retaliation against state officials” to assert federal control over the Nov. 3 midterms.

To make matters worse, the feds arrested at least 28 Californians this week in a sweep that seems to have consisted of a lot of sad old folks in their PJs getting their windows broken in by heavily armed gangs of thugs who drag them out of their own beds at gunpoint to take them to jail, where they are forced to stay before they can plead their cases before judges, unless they are deported or trafficked. It’s fucking awful!

The main issue/permission structure for the Department of Justice is a thumb drive, for fuck’s sake, with 20,000 names on it of “suspected illegal voters” that they apparently thought California officials would just pop merrily into their personal laptops for a look before giving them exactly what they wanted.

But in the shocker of the century, there’s a problem with the Trump administration’s logic! A court document filed by Los Angeles County says their review of a sample of the names supplied (presumably after covering themselves and their devices with several layers of Saran Wrap) has shown the following (citations omitted):

The County identified 7,035 records bearing County addresses and compared a sample of that data with County voter records.

That sampling showed the following: 42.9% of the sampled voters were canceled; 42.4% are active voters; and 4.6% are inactive voters. 86 of the sampled individuals had ballots mailed, whereas, the ballots for the other 112 were not sent because of canceled or inactive status.

71.2% of the sampled individuals have never voted. 25.8% of the sampled voters record a place of birth in the United States, a strong indicator of citizenship status.

These figures describe the composition of the records, not the citizenship of individual registrants. When comparing this data with the Executive’s efforts to implement voter roll maintenance in other jurisdictions through SAVE, (see supra § I), there is no basis to support the Executive’s supposition that the October List constitutes credible evidence of noncitizen voting.

Further, the lawsuit says, the first they heard of this “preliminary review” was in July 2026, when we all first heard about it! It was clear to everyone from the very beginning that this was entirely bullshit.

Trump’s “latest election conspiracy is nothing but a political stunt built on sham numbers that no one should trust,” Alex Padilla, California’s senior senator and former secretary of state, said in a statement. “DHS hasn’t explained how it arrived at these figures, how it obtained the underlying data, or whether any of these individuals are actually noncitizens who actually cast a ballot.”

[Extremely narrator voice: And DHS never did.]

The reason I can tell you beyond any shadow of a doubt that the Department of Homeland Security is full of shit is because the exact same people behind this push were behind the last one, and the one before that, and the one before that, and so on down ad infinitum, ever since this was first cooked up by the John Birch Society — that’s right, this is a conspiracy theory first concocted by the fucking Birchers! — and each time, these assholes have fallen flat on their sweaty, anus-like, superannuated faces, because it’s absolute racist nonsense.

Even Governor Goodhair knows what’s up!

“California law is clear: You MUST be a U.S. citizen to vote state and federal elections,” his office tweeted, or X’d, or what the fuck ever, last July.

Voter fraud is EXTREMELY RARE — and almost always committed by U.S. citizens.”

Donald Trump’s Administration has repeatedly pushed false and misleading claims about elections. They have provided NO evidence to support these new “claims.”

Why should anyone believe them now?

When he’s right, he’s right.

So that’s where we’re at with the mess that is the Trump administration — they’re trying to threaten California, and California officials are telling them to take a hike, so they are terrorizing old people who probably didn’t do anything wrong at all anyway instead.

Like, whatever. In conclusion, fuck these people forever, the end, OPEN THREAD.