Huh, No Bribes From Elon Today Or Yesterday

Guess Elon will have to figure out a new way to buy friends.

screengrab via

Hey, know that thing where Elon Musk is so lonely and abandoned by God that he’s been trying to buy friends by trying to buy votes for Donald Trump at a million buckaroos a pop? Of course, it’s not officially listed as “Million-Dollar Bribe For Be My Friend Please And Love Me Please And Vote For Donald Trump Please?” It’s way more pathetic than that. It’s a “petition” to say you support the First and Second Amendments, and if you sign “petition,” you could win the daily million!

As long as you’re a registered voter in a swing state.

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Elon Musk Now Straight Up Bribing People To Vote For Trump

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Well for SOME reason — maybe that “hey fuck you, it’s illegal to pay people to register to vote” letter Attorney General Merrick Garland sent Elon — his America PAC didn’t announce a lucky duck winner of “prize” on Wednesday.

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As CNN explains, there’s been a “winner” every day since Saturday. But then news of the fuck you letter broke yesterday. And Elon’s little “sweepstakes” appears to have gotten broke yesterday.

We checked Elon’s Twitter, and we don’t see any tweets about Elon trying to buy friends for Donald Trump today. To be fair, he tweets incessantly and thirstily and we got bored after scrolling for like three seconds.

In summary and in conclusion, we guess it was fun while it lasted, and a really fun thing to do on November 5 would be to show Elon in a really visceral way how much of a loser everybody thinks he is, by handing Donald Trump the most embarrassing electoral loss imaginable.

Get on it, voters. Your prize is democracy.

OPEN THREAD.

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