Idiot Takes Break From Golfing To Whine Juneteenth Makes Us Lazy
Juneteenth will last. Trump will not.
Yr Wonkette took yesterday off to mark Juneteenth, the national celebration of the end of slavery, when Union soldiers brought the news of Emancipation to Galveston, Texas, more than two years after Lincoln’s proclamation. Donald Trump, who only presidents when he feels like taking a break from watching Fox News and golfing, decided it would be the perfect day to complain that America has too many holidays, and it’s bad for business. Trump whined on his fake Twitter social media place (archive link) that America must stop lollygagging around and get to work, you shiftless layabouts. Said the laziest, stupidest man ever to sit in the Oval Office,
“Too many non-working holidays in America. It is costing our Country $BILLIONS OF DOLLARS to keep all of these businesses closed. The workers don’t want it either! Soon we’ll end up having a holiday for every once working day of the year. It must change if we are going to, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!”
Ever the master of subtlety, Trump didn’t mention Juneteenth or Black people, so you can’t call him racist, you liberal monsters. He just happened to think of worthless dumb holidays that nobody likes, is all.
Of course, Trump also pretended that letting people have a day to breathe now and then is terrible for the economy, even though for the most part Juneteenth, like Presidents Day and Veterans Day, is one of those federal holidays when government stuff shuts down and most businesses are open anyway.
In fact, Yr Doktor Zoom, quite aware that he was not at work, was briefly surprised when he zipped down to the Boise Public Library to check out a book and found the parking lot empty, but then slapped his forehead and said “Oh, duh! Juneteenth! I wouldn’t be here at 11 AM otherwise!”
But Trump wasn’t fooling anyone at all, of course, and we’re sure plenty of people who spend all their waking hours at Elon Musk’s White Grievance Emporium were all yelling “Damn right, those lazy [string of racist epithets] should be at work! Besides, June 19th wasn’t even the real end of slavery!” (This is the only time racists ever think of the 13th amendment, we should add.)
More to the point, people who matter also noticed, like Rep. Jasmine Crockett (D-Texas), who managed to catch Trump’s subtle dig:
Saying there are “too many non-working holidays” on Juneteenth is so on brand for a man who is actively trying to erase Black history.
This from the same man who’s wasted over $26 million in taxpayer dollars and spent more than 30 days golfing since January 20, 2025? Please.
Our most recent real president, Joe Biden, noted on Twitter (archive link) that he was in Galveston for the holiday, and damn right it’s an all-American holiday if you love real democracy, goddamn it (there we go paraphrasing again):
That was, sadly, the only presidential commemoration of Juneteenth yesterday, since the White House couldn’t be bothered to issue any formal announcement, as it traditionally does even for commemorations that aren’t marked by a time-off holiday. Even dumb stuff Trump obviously doesn’t care about, like Mother’s Day or National Ocean Month. As the Associated Press points out, during Trump’s first term, he actually
honored Juneteenth in each of his first four years as president, even before it became a federal holiday. He even claimed once to have made it “very famous.”
Well sure, but back in those days he was still pretending he cared about winning at least some Black votes. At least Trump didn’t use the day to announce he’ll rename all streets and buildings celebrating Martin Luther King Jr. or other Civil Rights leaders after Confederate generals.
But let’s return to Galveston and Joe Biden’s Juneteenth speech, so we can end on a good celebratory note! Speaking at the historic Reedy Chapel African Methodist Episcopal Church, Biden said,
“I don’t come here today to only commemorate the past. I come here because we know the good Lord isn’t done with us yet. We have work to do. We need to keep pushing America forward. […]
“Juneteenth represents both the long and hard night of slavery and subjugation and the promise of joyful morning to come.”
Biden also added, sounding like not only a president but also a sane human being, “Our federal holidays say … who we are as Americans. What we celebrate says what we value.”
He also pointedly, but without mentioning Trump, said that America must “be honest about our history” and condemned efforts to erase history from our textbooks and our classrooms.”
Biden, who knows what’s what, closed by reminding us all that holidays aren’t just for relaxing; they’re for remembering what matters, and taking action “Let’s get the hell to work and get more done.”
And that’s the real meaning of Juneteenth, Charlie Brown.
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Update: I missed a really important line right at the end of the CNN piece, so I've added this:
Biden, who knows what’s what, closed by reminding us all that holidays aren’t just for relaxing; they’re for remembering what matters, and taking action “Let’s get the hell to work and get more done.”
Oh yeah, and it's me, as my Marty Sue appearance before the first subscription ask may have suggested
Because I'm not afraid of pissing off other white people and losing their votes, I'm just going to say America also needs a fucking Jubilee.
If, unlike most conservative, white Evangelicals, you've actually read your bibles, you know that the year of Jubilee was supposed to happen every fifty years in ancient Judea. In that year, all property that was sold by poor people to survive was supposed to be returned to them. All Jewish slaves were to be released. And all debts were to be forgiven.
Now, we've already freed the slaves, but we never paid them back for their labor, so we could do that in our Jubilee. I don't know what the cost of forty acres of land and a mule would be in 2025 dollars, but that would seem like a good place to start. Give all the descendants of slaves that cash value. If it's too much, pay it in yearly installments.
Likewise, returning the land to its original owners would be problematic, but we could assess all of the value of the land our forefathers took from Native Americans and start pouring billions into the tribes until we meet that obligation.
Finally, wipe all personal debts. Reset credit scores. Fresh start for everyone that year.
Now, I have no idea how much all that would cost, but fuck it. We can afford it eventually even it if takes us a decade or two to do it. And I think it would be a better use of our tax dollars than bombing the shit out of Iran or whatever the fuck country full of brown people is next on the fucking list of places that make white Americans panic. Probably Mexico.
Anyway, just an idea for a new Federal holiday that would compliment Juneteenth and do some work to clear the national ledger of red ink.