In Trump's America, Pedos Get Puppies! Tabs, Tues., Nov. 11, 2025
No really.
Good morning, ¿Cómo estáis todos hoy?
Aquí tenéis algunas noticias:
Have you heard about the big secret special conspiracy investigation from the mouthbreathing US attorney from the Southern District of Florida, where they sent out a bunch of subpoenas to BAD GUYS to turn over the BADNESSES they did with RUSSIA RUSSIA RUSSIA, which was literally almost 10 years ago at this point, and a a bunch of mouthbreathing Republicans have investigated all this shit a thousand times and found nothing of value? Well! What if we told you this time is different because the subpoenas were signed by some dildo from human resources (instead of line prosecutors) and what if we told you the subpoenas forgot to mention anything about specific crimes they were looking for evidence of (?? LOL ??) and even if there were crimes the statute of limitations probably passed YEARS ago and why the hell would this be happening in south Florida anyway, was that secretly ground zero for the RUSSIA RUSSIA RUSSIA witch hunts? And what if we told you two real prosecutors from that office have already resigned? Nailing it! [New York Times / MSNBC]
Apparently Kash Patel lied to the face of/broke a pledge he made to the MI5 chief at a secret gathering in the UK in May. And we guess that bothered people at our top ally’s top domestic security service that they’re talking to the New York Times about what a piece of shit Kash Patel is. Nailing it! [New York Times]
Donald Trump’s favorite living child rapist gets to play with a puppy in prison now.
Also she would like Trump to commute her sentence, please. And so much more, when you read Jamie Raskin’s latest letter to Trump! [NBC News]
Don’t believe it until you see it, because Mike Johnson is a craven little bitch and a pedophile-protecting liar, but he says he’s going to go ahead and swear in Adelita Grijalva, which would make the magic number for that Epstein Files discharge petition. [MSNBC]
Indivisible says it’s not going to support any Democratic Senate primary challenger who doesn’t support replacing Chuck Schumer as Democratic leader. [Indivisible]
Trump begging Supreme Court to say NUH UH, he is not a rapist, despite what a jury found in New York. [CNN]
Trump also thinks he has the right and respect from his fellow humans that he can talk shit to air traffic controllers and tell them, literally “I am NOT HAPPY WITH YOU.” Uhhhhhhh. Go fuck yourself, loser. [JoeMyGod]
All the Mar-a-Lago faces are literally asking doctors to make them ugly Mar-a-Lago faces, say DC plastic surgeons, who are horrified, with one saying what these people are doing is causing them to “lose sight of anatomic normalcy.” [Axios]
That one was about bad faces, this one is about bad hair: The Supreme Court told Kim Davis to fuck off with her whining to them to overturn marriage equality. [CNN]
Oh nooooo, a racist little bitch sportscaster for Outkick is upset at Washington Commanders fans for booing Dear Lear, oh nooooooooo. Eat dicks in hell, loser. [Mediaite]
Oh nooooo, Roodles the Poodle Doodle wants his law license back now that Donald Trump has given him a fake pardon for excellence in ass-rimming and election-stealing assistance, oh noooooooooo. Also can eat dicks in hell.
Laura Ingraham asked Trump if his stupid idea for 50-year mortgages is actually a good idea, and not only did he double down on his very stupid idea, he revealed that he — REAL ESTATE GUY — doesn’t know fuckshit about mortgages. “It’s not even a big deal,” said Trump. “I mean, you know, you go from 40 to 50 years.” No, dipshit, it’s from 30 to 50, said Ingraham, without the dipshit part. Dumbfuck doubled down: “You pay something less, from 30, some people had a 40, now they have a 50.” Maybe all those people with the 40-year mortgages are the same people who think “groceries” is an old-fashioned word. Christ, what a stupid sack of shit. [Mediaite]
And look how good the stupid sack of shit is at understanding how “insurance” works. Golly, the stupid sack of shit doesn’t know anything about anything involving money!
Related, Laura Ingraham also asked Trump if the ugly gold shit in the Oval Office was from Home Depot — because she knows in her heart that it is — and he started babbling about how you can’t imitate gold, therefore no, it is not from Home Depot. (It is from Home Depot.) Which means somebody in the White House, when they’re not busy hanging signs outside the Oval to tell Grandpa Dementia where he is, is going to Home Depot, Elmer’s Glue-ing some shit on the walls and telling him he’s been visited by THE FINEST gold bauble designers.
Sorry if you like real Italian pasta from Italy, Donald Trump is killing that too, because he’s a stupid sack of shit who thinks tariffs work. [Daily Beast]
You need to be listening to Spanish superstar ROSALÍA, and you really need to listen to the first single from her new record, entitled “Berghain,” featuring Björk and Yves Tumor.
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Leapin’ leopards, it's a Gemma and Meru encore: https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/gemma-and-meru-leaping-through-the
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“It is not light that we need, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake.” - Frederick Douglass
It’s time for fire.