Inconsolable Eric Trump So Mad Mean Jack Smith Hurting Daddy, And Went Through Barron's Underpants Drawer, And His Wife Is Mean, And She Loves Michelle Obama, And ...

Are attacks like this on Jack Smith a good idea this week? Or a bad idea?

Eric Trump was on Newsmax last night with guest host Matt Gaetz, because all normal networks let sitting congressmen host their shows. And poor Eric, well, he looked exhausted and like nobody’s given him his bath lately. You know that nice No More Tears shampoo they have so little kids’ eyes don’t burn if they get shampoo in their eyes while they’re playing with their rubber duckies? Eric looked like nobody’s washed his hair lately with the No More Tears shampoo while he plays with his rubber duckies.

Maybe he’s just tired and upset because, as we discussed yesterday, this may be the week the nice special counsel comes to take daddy away AGAIN. But really, isn’t it always that week? Isn’t this something somebody should try to explain to poor Eric, so he doesn’t lash out like an idiot in front of Matt Gaetz and attack the nice special counsel’s wife?

Because that’s what he did with Matt Gaetz last night. Is this a good idea?

“They are doing anything they can to take down my father. […] Everybody forgets that Jack Smith’s wife was the one who did the Michelle Obama documentary, right?”

Everybody forgets that. The famous thing about how Michelle Obama cackles with glee when her documentarian’s husband goes after Eric Trump’s dad. Actually there was no part of Becoming like that. But Eric is still upset!

“I mean, isn’t it really convenient that she’s team Michelle Obama …”

Reaaaaaaaaally convenient.

Inspector Eric is onto her crime of Aggravated Working On A Michelle Obama Movie A Few Years Ago Before Her Husband Got This Case.

“and happens to be the person that’s going after Donald Trump when, in a Harvard Harris poll this morning, my father’s leading Biden by five points, and I actually think it’s probably far higher than that.”

He thinks it’s probably far higher than that. And this is definitely related to Jack Smith’s wife making the Michelle Obama movie. How? Give Eric’s big boy brain time. He’ll work it out.

“But he’s clearly the frontrunner for the Republican Party by, you know, forty or fifty points over the next nearest rival. DeSantis is fading quickly. He’s beating Biden in every single poll on a national level.”

Uh huh.

“And isn’t it really interesting that, you know, the guy whose wife, and I don’t mean, has he obviously (?) targeted every Republican for years, the guy whose wife produced the Michelle Obama documentary happens to be the guy who is rabidly going after my father, as you said, misusing statutes, and raiding his home at Mar-a-Lago and going through Barron’s underwear drawer and, you know, everything else you could possibly imagine.”

Yeah! Isn’t it weird that the the guy whose wife worked on the Michelle Obama documentary sent the FBI to see if Eric’s dad was hiding any stolen government secrets in Barron’s underwear drawer? Eric thinks that’s pretty weird.

(Of course Attorney General Merrick Garland appointed Smith several months after the Mar-a-Lago raid, but it’s hard to keep linear time in order when you’re six years old or Eric Trump.)

Matt Gaetz broke out into an open-mouthed grin when Eric said “Barron’s underwear drawer,” by the way. That’s what Wonkette thinks is weird.

Also we thought it was Melania who had to get new underpants after the raid. Didn’t we write an entire Pulitzer-winning* one-act play about Melania traveling across the intracoastal waterway to do her own FBI raid on the underpants section at Walmart?

Oh well no matter.

“It’s disgraceful and honestly I am fearful for this country, Matt, because it’s — our country can’t last this way. They’ve lost so much confidence of the American people.

“The FBI’s not respected the way it was before and it’s so sad to say that because it used to be a great institution.”

Back when it was just that closet case J. Edgar Hoover going after imaginary communists and Black people! Back when it wasn’t taking Eric Trump’s daddy away just because Eric Trump’s daddy is a criminal and a traitor!

Maybe as soon as this morning!

But we guess we’ll just have to be patient and wait, just like Eric will.

Is this Daddy’s scary day, Eric?

Is it tomorrow?

Is it Thursday?

Is it all the days?

Will Daddy be home for Christmas ever again?

JACK SMITH SAYS “BOO!”

*Pulitzer committee too shy to give us the award, that’s probably the holdup.

[h/t JoeMyGod]

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