Insurrectionist Charged With 91 Felony Counts, Currently Out On Bail, Wins Iowa GOP Caucus
Let's finally admit who these people are.
Iowa Republicans poked democracy in the eye Monday when they overwhelmingly embraced a rapist who incited an attack against Congress so he could illegally remain in office. These people looked at all the other terrible Republicans running and picked the guy with the mugshot.
The Iowa caucus was called for disgraced former president and admitted foreign asset Donald Trump about a half hour after it started. I’ve lasted longer at social gatherings. Michael McDonald, a University of Florida professor who specializes in US elections, expressed his surprise on social media: “Dang. That was fast. The first time I’ve ever seen a contested Iowa caucus without an incumbent president running called essentially as the first votes are reported.”
Although Republicans and an enabling media might refer to the caucus winner as “President Trump,” he officially stopped squatting in the Oval Office three years ago. During that time, he’s been on trial for defamation and fraud while also racking up 91 felony charges in four separate criminal investigations. Yet somehow Democrats are “soft on crime” because we don’t support summarily executing migrants or the homeless.
Tim Miller, who never fails to amuse, reported that caucus entrance polls showed “Trump narrowly winning college educated voters and garnering Assad like margins with non college.” Sixty-eight percent of those polled don’t believe Joe Biden legitimately won the 2020 presidential election. It’s almost like more people watched The Marvels than the House January 6 Select Committee hearings.
The DeSantis campaign was predictably peeved that the media called the race so quickly. Andrew Romeo whined:
Absolutely outrageous that the media would participate in election interference by calling the race before tens of thousands of Iowans even had a chance to vote. The media is in the tank for Trump and this is the most egregious example yet.
Once the race was called, cable news needed to keep viewers from switching over to the Emmy Awards (where Black ladies kicked ass) so they shifted their focus to Nikki Haley and Ron DeSantis’s suspense-filled battle for distant second. Jerry Seinfeld joked about the Olympic silver medal: “Congratulations, you almost won! Of all the losers, you came in first of that group.” However, this was hardly a photo finish. Trump absolutely crushed them both by about a 30-point margin. He carried non-college educated voters 65 percent to DeSantis’s 17 percent and Haley’s eight percent. Yet, he also narrowly won college-educated voters 35 percent to Haley’s 33 percent. According to CNN, Trump commanded the evangelical Christian vote — even though he’s probably broken all 10 Commandments. He ultimately won 98 out of 99 Iowa counties (losing Johnson County to Haley by just one vote.)
Vivek Ramaswamy suspended his campaign after his fourth-place finish, and I hope that’s the last time I have to discuss Vivek Ramaswamy.
Toward the end of the night, the New York Times’ “needle” predicted that DeSantis would narrowly edge out Haley. DeSantis might feel some small relief that he didn’t lose to the woman who’s not even white, but it was still too close for comfort. He had the endorsement of Iowa Gov. Kim Reynolds and he still managed a meager 20 percent. (Trump won Reynolds’s home county by double digits.)
DeSantis is reportedly skipping New Hampshire and heading for South Carolina with all his second-place momentum. (We’re probably stuck with him until he loses Florida.) Cook Political Editor Amy Walter remarked that “DeSantis [is] running the ‘20 Biden strategy … but if Biden were running against an incumbent.” This doesn’t make sense because Iowa and New Hampshire were never good demographic fits for Biden. His strongest base of support — Black voters — wouldn’t weigh in until South Carolina. However, Iowa was an ideal environment for DeSantis, who fashioned himself as a hard-right social conservative warrior, in line with past caucus winner and charm magnet Ted Cruz.
Haley performed worse in Iowa than former establishment candidates John McCain and Mitt Romney. I’m sure you’ll stump yourself figuring out why. She landed with a third-place (or worse!) thud in almost every rural county. Her limited strength is among college-educated, mostly suburban voters who wish the Republican Party was superficially more respectable. That won’t help her win the nomination. It also probably makes her a liability as Trump’s running mate — something he’s allowed to have after almost getting his last one killed.
During her triumphant third-place victory speech, Haley went on about how “Americans don’t want another Trump-Biden rematch. A majority disapprove of both of them. Trump and Biden are both about 80 years old. Trump and Biden both put our country trillions of dollars deeper in debt, and our kids will never forgive them for it.”
Haley’s remarks reflected what F. Scott Fitzgerald might’ve described as the “huge incoherent failure” of her campaign. She’s too terrified, as Chris Christie observed, to challenge Trump on his actual weaknesses. No one cares about the debt, and the money Trump set on fire isn’t why seven out of 10 Haley supporters said they won’t back him as the nominee. It’s the insurrection, stupid, but she can’t even mention that she just had her ass whooped by an indicted felon — although I suppose that is embarrassing to admit out loud.
Earlier today, Vice President Kamala Harris was asked about Haley’s constant attacks on the campaign trail, where she pretends that Biden is already dead and we should all fear “President Harris.”
“Let’s see what Iowa says to her,” Harris replied before laughing long and hard.
We can’t predict the future, but it seems like Old Joe has a better life expectancy than either the Haley or DeSantis campaign.
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Apparently, BTW, orange Hitler is looking like a feeble old troll these days. Not that he even has to show up to any state (did he even set foot in Iowa?) to win primaries, but I doubt very much that his ego will allow him to lay too low while the cameras are rolling. I don't expect the cultists to notice, but mocking Biden's age and fitness is going to necessitate comparisons and I don't think even the complicit media is going to be able to avoid the wilted turnip's decrepit declining mental and physical state.
Oh no, Ramomentum carried Vivek right into a ditch. Bye bitch. Now shut up and go away forever (he will do neither, guaranteed).