Invading American Cities Too Dull? Trump Trying To Take Over Greenland Again ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Guess he didn't forget all about it after all!
With all of this military-invasion-of-US-cities going on, we’d completely forgotten about one of Dear Leader’s first promises as President of the US of A, to grab the independent Danish territory of Greenland by its fishy pussy and own it, “one way or the other,” by buying it or even through military force. Against our own NATO ally! And he was going to snatch up Panama and take over Canada too, while he was at it, as part of the new “fuck everybody, and especially our allies” diplomatic policy.
And Greenland told him to fuck on off, and it seemed like his goldfish brain had once again gotten distracted. But apparently there was more to it! The Danish police intelligence service is saying that the US sent in SPIES to try to infiltrate Greenland and convince its citizens to submit to being taken over by the US. And now Danish Foreign Minister Lars Lokke Rasmussen has confirmed that he has summoned the US charge d’affaires, Mark Stroh, to Denmark over the US’s Greenland espionage and alleged attempts to interfere with its status. He accused the US of dispatching “disinformation to sow discord between Denmark and Greenland,” plying “existing or fabricated disagreements, for example in connection with well-known individual cases.”
Probably he is referring to the recent story of a Greenlandic mother whose newborn was taken from her after she failed a parental-competency test, called forældrekompetenceundersøgelse, which has spurred protests.
Shit-stirring chaos campaigns, who would do such a thing! Russia, of course, they have been on that grind since at least before the 2016 election with their troll farms. But now it seems our regime may be farming some trollbot crops of its own.
The charge d’affaires is the one who has to go answer for this shit because the US has no confirmed ambassador to Denmark yet. Though Trump has said he wants to nominate a former founder of PayPal for the job. Nope, not a joke.
And speaking of summoned diplomats, hypocrites, and people who don’t respect others’ cultures, pardoned felon/Ambassador to France/Ivanka’s father-in-law Charles Kushner also got called to meet with officials from France’s foreign ministry for a shaming, after publishing a letter to President Emmanuel Macron complaining that France was not doing enough to fight antisemitism. This regime has nothing but threats, criticism and finding fault for our allies, and nothing but love letters for the dictators of the world!
But back to Greenland! Cancelling that 80-percent-complete wind farm in Rhode Island was also a fuck you to Denmark, too, BTW, as the project was being run by a company owned 51 percent by the Danish state.
It’s all part of a pattern of antagonism to Europe and NATO (and the WIND)! It’s dangerous, and shocking. And also so pathetically hilarious! A poll of Greenlanders found that only 6 percent would support becoming an American colony.
And all of Trump’s overtures have been sorry fails. In January he sent his greasy oldest son, Charlie Kirk, and director of the White House Office of Presidential Personnel/MAGA DJ/Matt Gaetz’s wedding officiant Sergio Gor to Nuuk, where they had to resort to pulling a handful of curious locals off the street with bribes of snacks to listen to their heehawing that Greenlanders should welcome them as liberators and daddy Trump would treat them real good if they let the US take them all over.
And then Trump tried to send Mike Waltz and human pile of butthair Vice President JD Vance and his miserable wife and kids there for a visit, too, but after the locals vowed to shun them and the prime minister made it clear they were not welcome, JD was confined to the space base, whining that it was “as cold as shit.”
Why would Trump even want Greenland? Some possibilities!
First as a favor to Russian president/his mentor Vlad Putin, who does not want NATO to be able to use Greenland as a staging area for any conflicts. Wouldn’t it be nice if Russia had a friend who could keep that from happening? Plus it’s on the opposite end of Europe to where Ukraine is, so the new threat conveniently pulls resources in the other direction. Funny how the Right is so worshipful of “Western European culture,” and hateful of immigrants, but when it comes to actual European culture and Europe literally getting invaded by Russia, well, that’s just fine!
Another reason that’s been floated is to get some of those rare earth minerals that Trump just fucked American tech companies out of when he antagonized China with his dumbshit tariffs and cancelling visas for Chinese students. (Still no deal!) And Greenland is (probably) full of many such minerals! BUT they’re under a two-mile ice sheet, so, good luck. And, Greenland is, or was, our friend. They would be (or would have been) happy to make a deal with whatever US mining company was brave and advanced enough to go up there and drill in sub-zero temperatures.
Another reason is the spirit of old-fashioned imperialism, of course. Owning Greenland is an idea that’s been bounced around since 1867. Interestingly, owning Greenland was also the fantasy of a group calling themselves The Technocrats in the 1930s, who wanted to merge the US, Canada, Mexico, and Greenland into a single unit called “The Technate,” governed by a panel of unelected scientific experts, with all the human labor done by machines. Familiar!
And at some point Putin surely told Trump, “here’s your part of the world, and here’s mine,” and Trump got all excited and then he and Elon Musk (back then they were still having sleepovers) bounced up and down on the bed and stuck pins in a map with all of the places it would be neat to own.
Since at least 2019 Trump’s been openly thinking about it. Maybe it’s because he just likes acquiring real estate.
Where all this will end, nobody knows. Probably not with Don Junior having a coke rave in Greenlandmerica. And definitely not without a rift with Europe that will take a whole lot to fix, if we ever get out from under Herr Trumpf.
PREVIOUSLY!
And probably with this B-52s song stuck in your head again!
[BBC]
Wonkette runs entirely on contributions by you, our readers. Thank you for being our friend and keeping us living forever! The button below will let you donate one time or monthly, in any amount of your choosing.
Do you prefer Venmo? Here’s a button you will like.
Quick show of hands, how many would greet the Danes as liberators?
*raises hand*
𝗧𝗿𝘂𝗺𝗽 𝗧𝗿𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗼 𝗧𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗢𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗚𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗻𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗔𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻 DESPITE BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH JEFFREY EPSTEIN, THE NOTORIOUS CHILD-RAPIST AND SEX-TRAFFICKER.