Don Junior Window-Shopping For Greenland, Trump Promising To Invade Our Allies Again, More
You thought the last term was dumb? Strap on your mukluks!
Welp, Trump is sure sounding pretty serious about this whole “taking over Greenland” thing, and won’t shut up about the “taking over Canada” thing, or the “taking over the Panama Canal” thing either, uh oh! He harped on these notions at a moaning press conference at his Florida roach motel today, and even sent Junior to Greenland to check out the property he hopes to acquire.
Why the obsession? Well, Trump hopes to pull the US out of NATO and leave Putin to do with Ukraine what he will, and China wants Taiwan. So why shouldn’t Trump be able to have a taste of imperialism too? Make triumvirates great again! At the very least, all this talk normalizes Pooty and Xi’s expansionist yearnings.
Meanwhile in Nuuk, Don Junior, human Adobe pinch tool Charlie Kirk, and incoming director of the White House Office of Presidential Personnel/MAGA DJ/Matt Gaetz’s wedding officiant Sergio Gor went to Greenland today to window-shop, get a look at the goods and have a lunch and fake MAGA rally there. Yay, snow!
Junior didn’t meet with anyone in the Greenlandic government, and claimed he was just there for a “quick day-long trip to shoot some fun video content for podcast.” But Daddy himself called into the boys’ get-together! And he got on the speakerphone to tell the assembled handful of dorkbros and curious Greenlanders, “It needs security for itself, and it needs security for the world. We’re going to treat you well.” Security from what, he did not specify, of course.
Mr. NoMoreWars is also not ruling out military intervention so he can have his way with Panama or Greenland, either.
How many campaign promises is this guy going to break before he’s even sworn in?
Greenland is an autonomous territory that has been part of Denmark for more than 600 years, yet somehow around 2019 Tom Cotton gave Trump the idea that the US could buy it. Never mind that Denmark and the prime minister of Greenland, one Múte Egede, have made it clear that it’s not for sale, or that the place is as cold and remote as Melania’s bedroom. Trump is fixated on having it, and has called the acquisition an “absolute necessity.”
Possibly as a rebuke, the Danish King Frederik has rizzed up the country’s coat of arms to beef up the woodwose beardaddies in leaf loincloths displaying the shield, and embiggened the images of a ram and a polar bear to symbolize Greenland and Denmark’s other territory, the Faroe Islands.
And then there’s Canada, Trump still won’t shut up about about it! Heaved he, on Truth Social,
Many people in Canada LOVE being the 51st State. The United States can no longer suffer the massive Trade Deficits and Subsidies that Canada needs to stay afloat. Justin Trudeau knew this, and resigned. If Canada merged with the U.S., there would be no Tariffs, taxes would go way down, and they would be TOTALLY SECURE from the threat of the Russian and Chinese Ships that are constantly surrounding them. Together, what a great Nation it would be!!!
SIGH, Canada is not the 51st state. Canada buying lots of stuff from the US is good for the US economy and is not a subsidy, they aren’t getting goods and services for free. It does not make the US suffer, we get 60 percent of imported oil from there and would be fucked without it.
Two Russian and Chinese ships and also two planes were caught canoodling in a joint patrol together in the Bering Sea in July, and the Chinese coast guard said they were carrying out exercises checking on fishing boats, or something. Which is not great, but NORAD determined it was not a threat, either.
He expanded on his TruthSocialing at a Mar-a-Lago press conference today, grousing that China has “basically taken [the Panama Canal] over,” complaining “we are not treated well by Canada,” and said with all seriousness, “we’re going to be changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America, which has a beautiful ring. The Gulf of America, what a beautiful name.” Watch his moist little mouth-hole say the words, if you want.
And when asked, “can you assure the world that as you try to get control of these areas you are not going to use military or economic coercion?” he replied, “No. I can’t assure you, you’re talking about Panama or Greenland, no I can’t assure you about either of those two […] I’m not going to commit to that. It might be that you have to do something. Look, the Panama Canal is vital to our country.”
He also said, “people don’t even really know if Denmark has any legal right to Greenland, but if they do, they should give it up, because we need it for national security.”
Just give it up because we need it, that’s how things work, right?
UGH, he and his moaning mouthfuls of lies and bullshit are already so exhausting! Will Junior become the new Prime Minister of Greenland and move to Nuuk? Will Wayne Gretzky be the Prime Minister of Canada? Will Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Camacho become the boss of the Panama Canal?
This is already the dumbest reality show ever. SO FAR.
PREVIOUSLY IN ANNEXING CANADA!
[Washington Post archive link, “Is this publisher/DJ the most powerful man in Trump’s transition?”/ Military Times]
Re-electing a real estate rapist may be the dumbest thing this country has done yet.
Also, thank you for reminding us that so many assholes claimed Trump was anti-war before the election. When he goes on about this shit, no one in the media calls him out on that, and I sometimes think I'm the only one with a fucking working memory.