Is Joe Biden Indicting Hunter To Distract From Joe And Hunter Biden's Real Crimes? Let's Ask Stupid People.
Goddammit.
We made the joke in the chatcave yesterday as the breaking news came out that Hunter Biden had been indicted on some dumb gun charge. (One wonders what happened to SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED.)
“Joe Biden Imprisons Hunter Biden To Distract From Hunter Biden’s Laptop.” That was our dumb joke.
We have said many times lately that it’s hard to write comedy in today’s world of free-range, cage-free MAGA piglets, because they’re just stupider than anybody who has ever lived on planet Earth. No matter what mean joke you make about t hem, they will do something dumber than the joke you made, and now your joke is no longer a joke. It’s simply part of the historical record.
We should have known that one of the most brain-damaged reads on this would come from the unfortunate disaster that happened when Donald Trump’s most mangled sperm escaped his balls and found a human egg. That it would come from that boy whose father does not love him like Joe Biden loves his son. Whose father thinks he is as abjectly stupid as we think he is.
Donald Trump Jr. got the ball rolling, on Twitter:
“So we are clear… They’re only going after Hunter Biden on the federal gun charges because that’s the only one of Hunter’s numerous crimes that doesn’t tie directly back to Joe Biden. Biden’s DOJ is covering for him, pretending to take action. That’s how it works it’s all a show!”
Are we supposed to say something here?
The desperately unworthy failson thinks Joe Biden rigged the DOJ to indict his son to cover up his son’s other crimes, and also his own crimes. That’s it, that’s the joke. Except it’s not the joke anymore, as we discussed above.
By last night, Laura Ingraham, a trained lawyer, was pretending to be an idiot who believes this is a distinct possibility:
INGRAHAM: Is this all a smoke screen to hide the other crimes that involve others in the Biden family? […]
I do kind of agree with what Vivek Ramaswamy tweeted out earlier that this seems a little bit like a smoke screen, because, is it bigger than the Biden family, perhaps, being on the take with foreign governments and having our foreign policy affected by it? Probably not.
Yep, she said that. Cool.
Go to jail, Hunter! It’s for the coverup!
And yes, that dumb bitch Vivek Ramaswamy tweeted the same thing, and of course he pays for Twitter, so was able to babble ten million words about it:
“Today’s indictment of Hunter Biden is a smokescreen. Don’t fall for it. This is a fig leaf designed to deflect attention away from the real problem: the Biden family is selling out U.S. foreign policy for their own family’s private financial gain. That’s really what’s wrong, and we must hold politicians in both major political parties when they use our foreign policy to enrich their family members.
“The impeachment inquiry initiated by the House against President Biden is a step in the right direction, but the public shouldn’t fall for the trick of diverting attention away from the true problem. It’s also no accident that today’s indictment comes at a moment when President Biden’s own popularity within the Democratic Party is cratering. I predict this is the first step for the Democrat Party managerial class to pressure Joe Biden out of the race. Biden will become a sacrificial pawn in service to the deep state that wants to keep power at all costs.”
We keep not wanting to bring up Jared and Ivanka’s $2 billion Saudi bloodmoneys, and Trump’s unknown amount of Saudi golf bloodmoneys, because it feels like whataboutism and we’re so much better than that. But it absolutely blows our brains out to see Republicans talking about “selling out US foreign policy for their own family’s private financial gain,” just SPLOOSH, our brains all over the place!
What is the next level of stupid below where these people are now? We don’t know, and we are terrified to find out. Unfortunately we are going to find out.
In summary and in conclusion, Charlie Kirk didn’t get the memo about Joe Biden indicting his son to distract from his and his son’s real crimes. He thinks this was a secret message from the Deep State telling Joe Biden not to run for president again.
“Somebody is calling plays to try to tell Joe Biden to get out of the way,” said Charlie, with his face that looks the way it does.
So there’s a second kind of stupid metastasizing about his.
The next year is going to be a barrel of laughs, y’all.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
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Dear Republican Shitferbrains,
WHAR FINANCIAL GAINS? Seriously, can you point to them on a map/doll/photo? Unless foreign governments are paying the rescue centre's fees for Joe's dogs or paying for puppy training classes, I'm really not seeing it.
>> “Today’s indictment of Hunter Biden is a smokescreen. Don’t fall for it. This is a fig leaf designed to deflect attention away from the real problem: the Biden family is selling out U.S. foreign policy for their own family’s private financial gain. 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐚𝐣𝐨𝐫 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐧 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐬.
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So, just for the historical record, we have to hold politicians in both major parties.
That's it. Full stop. We have to hold them, because Ramaswamy said so.
I am not entirely sure if this "holding" amounts to "cuddling" or if it is permitted by Mother Pence, but DJ Vapin' Vake tells us we have to "hold politicians", so whattayagonnado?
In other news, DJ Vapin' Vake tells us he is running for president, but has neither the staff nor the common sense to double check public statements for (accidental?) idiocy before they are released.
This does not bode well for his ability to "president".