It Is 1:44 AM And I Don't Have A Headline. Tabs, Thurs., July 17, 2024

I just said.

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

I know I said you weren’t getting any tabs this week, but I stayed home last night with “hangover” (somebody didn’t listen or hydrate!) and I have too many goddamned tabs!

Madames et messieurs et both, your surely much-missed tabs!

Secret Service going with “it was someone else’s job.” Yeah nah sons and daughters. You done fucked up. (LA Times)

Old Handsome Joe at the NAACP.

I remember when he talked at the NAACP for like four hours, and when he said, “So let me close,” they booed him. That was the one he got in trouble for uncivilly suggesting Republicans might not love Black people! (Wonkette)

Joe’s got the COVIDs, by the way. Feel better soonest. (The Guardian)

So not only did Teamsters president Sean O’Brien go lave Donald Trump at the RNC, but he followed it up by agreeing with Josh Hawley that the real problem is the woke DEIs. Teamsters are piiiiiiissed. (Erin in the Morning)

I had no idea Teddy Roosevelt didn’t win after taking a bullet to the chest and still finishing his speech. Kevin Kruse runs down the assassination-attempts history or our violent fuckin country. (Kevin Kruse)

Send wealthy tree killers to prison. Hard agree. (New Republic)

I agree with JD Vance: The devil is real. We disagree though on who that is. (Pro Publica)

David J. Roth simply does not care for JD Vance. Par example!

These two goofs belong together insofar as they are both crushingly status-conscious and gnarled by vanity and grievance in ways that are entirely, hilariously unsympathetic. Only a supremely unhealthy culture could have produced either man; it is honestly pretty fucking wild that both can be so profoundly monstrous, so eat-the-world vicious and so annihilatingly petty and vengeful, while also remaining so uninteresting.

(Defector)

The New York Times edited a JD Vance quote to sound like he doesn’t support a national abortion ban. He does. (Abortion, Every Day) Your menses and you (and JD Vance). (Talking Points Memo)

Well there’s a headline. Florida Republican called pregnant women 'host bodies' five times while discussing anti-abortion bill. (Creative Loafing Tampa)

Republicans are warning the Fed they better not lower interest rates. And it’s not because we’re all making bank on our high yield savings accounts. (Noah Berlatsky)

Undocumented immigrant friends who are married to American citizens, you’ll be able to apply for Green Cards starting August 19. Spread the word! (White House)

Project 2025: “Saving souls” is “public health.” (Mike the Mad Biologist)

Boebs wants to be Trump’s secretary of the Interior. Um! (NM Source)

Old Wonkette stooge Michele Fiore, she of the guns and boobs, has been indicted for ALLEGEDLY bilking donors who thought they were donating to memorials for fallen police officers. LOL Jesus these people just never stop. (Nevada Independent)