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It Is Long Past Time For Tom Emmer To Put His Three-Hour Speaker Campaign Out Of Its Misery (UPDATE: He Did.)
It's been a valiant fight but GTFO.
UPDATE: Emmer has dropped out now. This post was valid for six minutes. STILL HILARIOUS.
Oh no gee willikers! Tom Emmer wasn’t the Republicans’ latest speaker designate for five minutes before Donald Trump started hatin’.
Trump placed this presidential message on Truth Social this afternoon:
I have many wonderful friends wanting to be Speaker of the House, and some are truly great Warriors. RINO Tom Emmer, who I do not know well, is not one of them. He never respected the Power of a Trump Endorsement, or the breadth and scope of MAGA—MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! He fought me all the way, and actually spent more time defending Ilhan Omar, than he did me—He is totally out-of-touch with Republican Voters. I believe he has now learned his lesson, because he is saying that he is Pro-Trump all the way, but who can ever be sure? Has he only changed because that’s what it takes to win? The Republican Party cannot take that chance, because that’s not where the America First Voters are. Voting for a Globalist RINO like Tom Emmer would be a tragic mistake!
So many unnecessary capital letters. But yet also words like “breadth” and “scope” that Donald Trump absolutely does not know. This is a man who was cumming himself yesterday because he believed he was the first human in history to notice that “U.S.” and “us” are spelled just the same. This is a man who calls the New York attorney general “Peekaboo” and Michael Cohen theorizes that it’s not racist but rather because Trump has the brain and vocabulary of a child.
This is a man who is still bragging five years later about the time (he says) he aced a dementia test.
So we’re going to posit that this one was written by staffers, then they stupided it up to make it sound like it came from former President Hooked On Phonics.
Yesterday, Trump was so excited that Tom Emmer was sniffing his butt and begging for his approval, and said he was staying out of the Republican race for speaker. In response, Emmer sniffed his butt again and said, “Thank you, Mr. President. If my colleagues elect me Speaker of the House, I look forward to continuing our strong working relationship.”
We guess this is the official MAGA position on Emmer, considering how Trump yesterday was “staying out of it” and is now actively kicking Emmer in the dick, starting the second he was voted the speaker designate.
And wouldn’t you know it, but the foul odors wafting out of the House Republicans’ caucus smell like things are going poorly for Emmer. Rep. Pete Sessions says he doesn’t think Emmer has changed any of the minds of the people (26 of them) who voted against him.
Rep. Matt Rosendale acknowledges that Emmer won the nomination, but says he “no longer has a path to secure 217 votes.” Which is a hilarious way to describe political events that transpired over several hours of one single day, which is today.
So many Republican members are talking shit on Twitter. So many.
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House Republicans are heading in for another closed-door meeting right now. Will Tom Emmer do the right thing and put his overlong campaign for speaker out of its misery?
Just now outside the courtroom where his fraud trial is happening in New York, Trump said, "Tom Emmer, Looks like he’s finished, he’s not a supporter. He’s a RINO, and looks like he’s finished but we’ll see. You never know.”
You never know.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.